Gravitas

noun

dignity, seriousness, or solemnity of manner. "a post for which he has the expertise and the gravitas"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravitas

I was reading a few posts this morning, and I felt the need to share these thoughts with everyone, rather than the singular person I was replying to. Gravitas is a concept that everyone implicitly understands, but has a hard time explaining or emulating.

For example, if you were in an aircraft that had an emergency, and the captain comes on the PA system sounding cool, calm, and collected, then you as a passenger are filled with a certain level of comfort that everything will be okay. He has gravitas. There is a certain "gravity" about his presence, experience, and expertise that comforts you, and defuses your worries.

Well, it's easy to see and seek those things in a captain. Men are typically cast out into the wilderness of adulthood, told to grow a pair, adapt, and survive. You see it in men who have dangerous jobs, men with jobs of immense responsibility, men who have been to war, or have had to overcome a rough upbringing to go on and find success.

But feminine gravitas is trickier. Our grandmothers and their predecessors usually had this trait, because they were a product of their times. World wars, disease, infant mortality, a lack of modern conveniences and protections meant you had to grow up with a hard heart and a steel spine. Think about what the average lifespan was back in 1910. Or 1810. How would you feel if half of everyone you know over 40 was already dead? Do you think that would make you a different person?

These harsh realities gave them a certain gravitas that most women lack today. Consider the differences in attitudes that immigrant women from poorer countries have compared to a typical middle class American woman. They most likely have more in common with your grandmother than you do because they have probably faced true hardship already, not just first world problems. American society infantilizes both men and women alike, because everything is so safe, so convenient, and so comfortable. We have boys that would rather stay home and play video games than establish themselves as men. We have girls that mistakenly believe going to college, pursuing a career, and living a Sex In The City lifestyle makes them adults. A girl with a masters degree is still just a girl. Your resume doesn't confer gravitas -- experience does. Neither the fun party girl, the "one of the guys" girl, nor even the cute "good girl next door" that you often see around here will have it.

High value men are attracted to women like this like flies onto honey, because it's just so damn rare today. Other high value men respect men who have women like that. Usually you see it in older, sexually confident single women or well adjusted married women in successful marriages. But, in 2017, most older women have already hit the wall, have let themselves go, carry a ton of baggage, or have bitter, jaded attitudes with a high dose of crassness, which kills their attractiveness. It is also rare to see it in attractive younger women who have been pampered and infantilized, with a dose of narcissistic social media habits (and also crassness because casual sexual vulgarity is cool now). Frankly, a high value man will be VERY reluctant to bring a woman like that on board as his first mate if he isn't confident she can weather the storms that life brings.

The conclusion of this diatribe is that an attractive woman that exudes femininity and gravitas is the "total package" that a high value man will drop everything for and pursue. I have been working alongside and have made friends with such men my entire adult life, and I see the successes and failures all the time. It's not enough to just be a pretty girl who can cook and clean -- you need to also signal your possession of the gravitas that the position of first mate requires. The bigger the ship, the more that is needed. When you are in early adulthood, seek out those truly tough experiences that take you far outside of your comfort zone. Not because you can put it on a resume or Instagram it, but to develop your own character and gravitas.