[Q4Women] Women who hit up bars/similar places frequently: how open are you to sex, and what are you seeking when you go out?

sublimemongrel · 2017-05-24T02:27:43+00:00

I used to go out at least 3-4x per week.

how open are you to sex, and what are you seeking when you go out?

I wasn't. I'm not into casual sex.

Do you know any frequent, regular bar-goers (male or female) who aren't promiscuous?

Yes, I was one of them.

Do you have commitment issues?

No, I usually had a BF, even long distance. Now I'm married.

Are you generally adventurous? Why or why not?

Depends on what you mean by "adventurous." Skydiving? No. Experimenting with drugs, driving fast cars, yes. I'm probably not very adverturous by most people's standards tbh.

What are some misconceptions about regular bar-goers?

Apparently that we are all promiscuous lol.

What are some accurate stereotypes about regular bar-goers?

That a lot of us dabble in drugs?

Are you open to a monogamous relationship, whether it's casual or serious? Do you seek it? Why or why not?

I'm married but when I was bar hopping I was usually in a LTR. When I was single and bar hopping, yes, that's what I was interested in.

What does going out so often give you that other activities don't?

It's fun. Wait till you're an adult and have "real" responsibilities.

[deleted] · 2017-05-24T01:31:50+00:00

[deleted]

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-05-24T01:25:12+00:00

as an ex bar-hanger-outer i will answer for me 15-25 yr ago:

i wasnt always there FOR sex but i was always open to it if i met someone cool, i was there to hang out with my friends, socialize, have fun, dress up, do drugs and make the scene
Do you know any frequent, regular bar-goers (male or female) who aren't promiscuous? yes there were LTRed people who did not party in the sex aspect (and many that did), attractive single people? no, not really. i never really thought hooking up once or twice a month was "promiscuous" though, apparently now that ive found reddit it is
Do you have commitment issues? absolutely not, i am 100% monogamous when taken and love commitment and commit easily and strongly, it usually takes cheating (his), abuse, or alcoholism to dislodge me from a man
Are you generally adventurous? i am not like sky-diving adventurous but i like crime, bikers, tattoos, drugs and spent my youth going to shady places with shady people in shockingly bad neighborhoods on heavy amounts of lsd
What are some misconceptions about regular bar-goers? dont know i have no idea what conceptions uncool, no fun people have of them
What are some accurate stereotypes about regular bar-goers? dunno tell me some stereotypes and ill tell you if theyre accurate
Are you open to a relationship? i met my husband at a bar weve been together 14 years
What does going out so often give you that other activities don't? well since drinking and drugs are party things that lower inhibitions and people are generally THERE to relate and meet people and possibly hookup, i dont know anything ELSE that provides what a bar provides. also its a place you can go by yourself with a book and talk to strangers, have a few, be part of a little bar community of regulars if you want

[deleted] · 2017-05-24T02:26:48+00:00

I'm 28, RP, and black female.

Do you know any frequent, regular bar-goers (male or female) who aren't promiscuous?

Pretty much all of my friends, except hte Muslim ones.

Do you have commitment issues?

Nope. I've never cheated, never thought to cheat. Doesn't even register to me. But I also don't date bitches so the thought would never cross my mind to branch swing.

Are you generally adventurous? Why or why not?

Not in the slightest. I'm horribly risk averse.

What are some misconceptions about regular bar-goers?

I can't answer this question. Most people are regular bar-goers.

What are some accurate stereotypes about regular bar-goers?

Um...there aren't any? I mean go to a bar. Its' fairly diverse.

Are you open to a monogamous relationship, whether it's casual or serious? Do you seek it? Why or why not?

I'm not in a realtionship but I have been and they were all serious and monogamous. I only seek out serious relationships. I'm horribly feminine that way.

What does going out so often give you that other activities don't?

I don't go out often but when I do, i enjoy drinking because I can relax and not be so fucking uptight about socializing.

TheChemist158 · 2017-05-24T01:51:18+00:00

Eh, I guess I go somewhat regularly. Maybe once a month. How open am I to sex? Not at all if they aren't my boyfriend. But I guess I'm more open to sex with my boyfriend than the average night.

I think you have a picture of bars being a physical version of Tinder. And I suppose many bars are like that. But I like to go to bars to hang out with friends/family, play some pool, have some beers and a good laugh. It's really just that it is a public (no worries about hosting anything) where you can get drunk (don't get drunk at an Olive Garden guys, nothing good happens) and just chat with friends.

[deleted] · 2017-05-24T04:13:48+00:00

As an old married lady, I go out to bars ~1 night a week unless there's some sort of event I have to attend and the usually a bar after. I wanna have drinks with friends and not have to clean up after. When I was young and single, I usually went out more like both weekend nights, one weeknight when there were drink specials and I definitely wanted to kiss cute boys.
None of my straight friends are promiscuous (anymore) but my gay friends are all thirsty hoes.
No commitment issues. Opposite probably.
I don't think I am adventurous in a traditional sense (I will never go skydiving or ride a motorcycle death machine) but I am outgoing and will do pretty much anything for a laugh.
Misconceptions/accurate stereotypes- I have no idea... I thought everyone except Mormons and new parents went to bars pretty regularly.
Monogamous relationships- I am married and have been with my husband 12 years. We mostly hung out in bars at first. He told me he loved me for the first time in a bar. He is a big fan of bars especially karaoke bars.
What does going out give me? My husband is an extrovert and needs people and noise to recharge and really you can only do so many things at 9PM on Saturday... people come over to our place but again with a bar no one has to clean up after.

SmurfESmurferson · 2017-05-24T05:27:17+00:00

As someone who goes out frequently - 37F

How open am I to sex? -- Pretty open, but only with my husband.
What am I seeking when I go out? -- Honestly, time to bond with the hubby, and develop friendships. Sometimes to blow off professional steam (or be the DD when H blows off steam).
Do you know any frequent, regular bar-goers (male or female) who aren't promiscuous? -- Many. LTRs are pretty common, and I've been the sounding board for single guys trying woo a specific woman.
Do you have commitment issues? -- Well, I'm married. So, no.
Are you generally adventurous? Why or why not? -- Depends on what you mean. I have happily given speeches to crowds, but freaked out by going up a rock wall. Pick your poison.
What are some misconceptions about regular bar-goers? -- The most common bar goers have either moved into a new location and are looking for friends, or are a bit of a social outlier (in my case, late 30s and have no kids).
What are some accurate stereotypes about regular bar-goers? -- Sometimes, those shots will make you act silly. Also, more than a few are sluts, though not all.
Are you open to a monogamous relationship, whether it's casual or serious? Do you seek it? Why or why not? -- Again, married. So yes, I sought it at one time. Not now, however -- EDIT: I don't seek it, because I now have a monogamous marriage.
What does going out so often give you that other activities don't? -- Socialization. We don't have kids, and our nearest family/in-laws are 18 hours away - having a local pub gives us a sense of belonging.

questioningwoman · 2017-05-24T01:34:29+00:00

Sometimes people are there because they're depressed and looking for a place to get drunk and forget all their problems.

GridReXX · 2017-05-24T11:34:23+00:00

My social calendar is off the charts.

Every day I have friends having a show (music, art installation, poetry, some esoteric shit), having an event for work, inviting me to an event via their org, hosting an event myself, securing a business relationship with whiskey at a cool go to bar, etc.

Because of that we go to bars after or sometimes the event space itself is a bar.

I also have a large coed friend group who likes to dress up so they would rather go out than have a kickback at the house (though we do that too).

I go out often.

No I'm not doing it to have sex. It's to meet new cool people , support my network, hang with my friends, have fun, make advantageous profesional or social connections, etc.

If I wasn't invited to as many events or to as many social gatherings, I would probably go out less.

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Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-05-24T01:28:24+00:00

I'm not really a frequent bar-goer anymore, but I was until a year or two ago, so I'll answer from my perspective during that time. (Note, I went to bars, not clubs. There's a difference.)

How open are you to sex?

Not at all unless I was crushing on someone in the group I came with/met up with. Sex with a stranger I met at the bar, no.

What are you seeking when you go out?

I almost always went out to listen to live music and/or to two-step. Aside from that I'd go for bar trivia, work happy hour or just for a fun, neutral place to hang out with friends. And on occasion (stressful week, etc.) I just really, really wanted to get shitfaced.

Do you know any frequent, regular bar-goers (male or female) who aren't promiscuous?

Yes, I was one. Several of my friends as well. Most of us were/are in committed relationships, we weren't going to the bar to hook up.

Do you have commitment issues?

Not at all.

Are you generally adventurous? Why or why not?

Again not at all. Why not? Idk. I'm a very risk-averse/cautious/anxious person, always have been.

What are some misconceptions about regular bar-goers?

Can't really say I've heard enough opinions expressed about "bar-goers" to have noticed common misconceptions.

What are some accurate stereotypes about regular bar-goers?

See above.

Are you open to a relationship?

I'm in one, and we met at a bar (although through mutual friends.)

What does going out so often give you that other activities don't?

Again, 99% of the time I went to a bar it was to hear a band or two-step; there aren't many country venues/dancehalls that aren't bars, so if you're into that scene you go to bars quite a bit. But other than that, bars are a good community meeting place. A lot of times you want to hang out with friends but not at someone's house. Bars are a good place to hang out. Also it's fun to people-watch and make new friends, even if only for a night or a few minutes in line at the bathroom. It's a very social, disinhibited atmosphere in the way that a cafe or bookstore or museum just isn't.

OfSpock · 2017-05-24T03:21:07+00:00

My group of friends used to all go to bars every Friday and Saturday. Cheap beer before going to the nightclub to dance. Good music, good atmosphere, chance to meet other friends, get good at dodging guys who tried to pick up the girls. We were almost all coupled up.

totallyworkinghere · 2017-05-24T03:31:54+00:00

I go to a couple of bars in my city with groups of friends. I'm in a serious, committed relationship.

I just want to have fun and a drink with my friends. I've never even thought about looking for a date/sex there. The majority of my friends, a fairly even mix of men/women, feel the same.

shoup88 · 2017-05-24T07:21:50+00:00

I go out around twice a week to the bar (not club), and more in the summer. Myself, and most of the people I go with, are in committed monogamous relationships. I'm going out to have fun, hang out with friends in a relaxed setting, and sing some karaoke. When I used to drink, being in a venue appropriate for getting shittered was a huge plus.

I would say I know almost no one who has fucked some rando at the bar. There's usually some other connection involved, like a mutual friend.

dottywine · 2017-05-24T09:10:54+00:00

I used to go out a lot. I went out just to feel like I was connected to the world and other people. I didn't have commitment issues and I was not interested in casual sex. I just wanted to feel like I was not alone in this world. Was not interested in alcohol or drugs. Was not open to sex.

I did have an ex friend who drank a lot and frequent bars for attention. Sometimes she'd sleep with guys. She'd get messy drunk and wait for a guy to help her home, get his number and sleep with him later.

CepheidVox · 2017-05-24T23:45:56+00:00

Yes, the majority. I've only known a few people who went to bars specifically for sex. I don't want sex when I go out, I just want to dance and be with my friends.
No, I've been with the same man for nearly 10 years now.
I love adventure! Its the whole purpose to life, I think.
That they're all sluts or alcoholics. Some of them probably are, but that's definitely the minority.
I'm not sure, to be honest...
Very much into monogamy. My boyfriend is my soul mate.
I love dancing, I love the crowds and the energy of everybody. It's joyful.

Title	[Q4Women] Women who hit up bars/similar places frequently: how open are you to sex, and what are you seeking when you go out?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	64
Date	May 24, 2017 1:15 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6cyz14/q4women_women_who_hit_up_barssimilar_places/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-women-who-hit-up-barssimilar-places.267942 https://theredarchive.com/post/267942

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