I just met someone I am 99.9% sure I'm going to marry. What should I do and how should I be the best wife to him? He is amazing and I want our marriage to be authentic and loving from the jump.

SometimesIEatDonuts · 2020-09-28T13:46:48+00:00

You say you just met this person? I think step 1 is to spend time with him. Before you think about being a good wife, learn how to be a good partner.

thesixthamethyst · 2020-09-28T16:53:57+00:00

There's not a lot of context here, but I will say that if you just met this person you may want to be careful to not come off too aggressive (talking about marriage with a brand new partner is pretty intense), and to also take a little time to relax and focus on getting to know your partner. People present themselves in their best light in early dating, and it takes a while for the flaws and potential issues to arise. Putting him on an unrealistic pedestal right from the start won't benefit either of you in the long run.

When you know a person's flaws, issues, insecurities and you still know you love them? That's a good time to start thinking about the long term.

chickenpants80 · 2020-09-28T17:51:20+00:00

The day I met my DH, I came home and told my mother that I'd either met the man who would break my heart forever or the father of my children. I was 17 so at first I had a big issue with being clingy. What would have definitely helped was to not see him at that stage as my entire world. He became really annoyed by it. Guys will 99% of the time get scared off by aggressive women. He went into the military 10 months into our relationship and I went to college, so I spent my time working hard in school and exercising and learning about myself. He found it really appealing because I was putting so much less stress on him during an already stressful time. We were monogamous of course. We enjoyed each other's company without stress. I made it a point to never 'talk about our relationship's future'. I didn't demand marriage, or demand anything really. I expected respect, and because I held myself as valuable, he did too. Most important above all is to know your value. That doesn't mean demanding he treat you like a queen. It means that you don't accept disrespect or being treated poorly, and you give him the same. Respect for yourself and for him is absolutely crucial. We've now been married for 18 years (together 23) and I am a stay-at-home mom. Things that have been essential to me:

RESPECT. I don't EVER criticize or question him in public, or around our kids. I wait until we are alone. I don't yell or demand or demean him. I ask for clarification on why he did what he did, and tell him how it made me feel and how I would change it. Most always he will apologize or admit he made a mistake. I NEVER attack him on a personal level.

-Understand that he works very hard, and it's my job to be the safe harbor for him. That means even when the kids were little I didn't shove them into his arms the second he got home; I'd give him some decompression time and let him eat and usually then he'd take them and encourage me to go have some me time. I drop what I'm doing whenever he comes through the door so I can greet him with a hug and a 'welcome home.' Then he can change out of his work clothes and just relax a bit to get into the home mindset.

-If you're going to be a stay-at-home spouse, remember that you have as much of a job as he does. Caring for the home and the kids is serious business and needs steady effort all day. Don't be working yourself to the bone, he's not your slave master. But the house needs to be maintained. I try to do the standard daily cleaning (kitchen, sweeping, etc) plus one deep clean (clean/bleach fridge; scrub bathtub and shower, organize a closet, etc) a day when possible.

learn his love language. I can't stress this enough.

Ok, wall of text done!

FluffyLlamaPants · 2020-09-28T23:07:23+00:00

My advice?

Always have a plan B.

Squirrels_Angel · 2020-09-29T00:14:06+00:00

If you are in a new relationship I would say to slow down by all means. That said before you should ever make that plunge you should make sure you share the same core values. Discuss life goals, family planning and raising, familial interactions with extended family, spending habits and goals, finding out healthy together hobbies and also separate hobbies, etc. If you go into a relationship too rapidly it is easy to gloss over parts of each other that is not sustainable.

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