Q4RP Men: Do you want to be in charge in your relationship? What about "nice"? What would be your ideal dynamic?

[deleted] · 2016-04-25T18:37:57+00:00

It also gets said in TRP that most men naturally gravitate towards "beta" traits. Is this you? How would you prefer to act towards women?

My natural inclination towards the woman I love and am having sex with is to treat her like she's the most special person in the world. I want to be extra nice, loving, emotionally open, considerate, and accommodating to her. So much so that ideally I'd expect her to set limits and not take advantage of it. However, realistically that isn't possible.

Assume the relationship wizard promised you a unicorn (or a series of unicorns, or a herd of unicorns to ride at the same time), how would your dream dynamic work?

Ideally? We wouldn't need to set hard boundaries with each other because we would be aware of how good we are to each other, and strive to not take advantage of it. I wouldn't need to be "her Oak" because she wouldn't see my desire to please her as weakness. I would be able to "spoil" her if I wanted without the resultant "spoiled attitude" that usually follows. There would never be any 'taking for granted' going on in either direction.

For me, RP in regards to marriage is really about never letting your wife forget what a bad ass you are. The problem is, I don't want to be a "bad ass" to her, I want to protect and care for her by being a "bad ass" to the rest of the world, but if she never sees me using my teeth, she's likely to forget I'm capable. This is why men in troubled marriages get "shit tested" more often than men with happy wives: women don't "test" men they are sure about. And, once they realize you don't fail those tests, it isn't likely to happen often at all.

SteelChicken · 2016-04-25T18:56:42+00:00

A thought:

You can be in charge and nice at the same time. You can be in charge without being aggressive or a jerk. It's called leadership.

head explodes

aylamayla · 2016-04-25T19:19:17+00:00

I think the whole "being in charge" thing is overblown hysterically by the BP, and misses its actual purpose.

I don't want a woman who feels she is superior or of a higher being than me. I want a woman who feels I am the man she is most sexually attracted to. A passionate relationship, thats exciting and fun.

Apexk9 · 2016-04-25T18:41:16+00:00

She treats me like a king I treat her like a queen.

But not like cersi treating Robert like a queen who actually wants her king.

Also I'm a goof ball so I make jokes. In bed I'm passionate soft mixed with dominance aggressive and pain.

It's a perfect balance.

In a relationship I let things slide some I don't some are a no go and I make it Known.

Last night a fwb asked me for a pillow. Then asked again and again so I told her.

"Once is enough" if she ever does that again well she will get a second warning on the third she is gone.

If she isn't satisfying me or I'm not happy I'll dip and find someone who will.

I unlike others don't do multiple girls at the same time I used to but not enough time at my age. So I keep fwb but since I know I can replace them easily I never fall into a trap.

sublimemongrel · 2016-04-25T19:59:10+00:00

It's very difficult to not go beta with a girl you really like. To not start exhibiting beta behavior. Which only turns her off. As sardonis said. We want to protect you. To build something for you. It's part of our purpose.

But how? How can I do this? When women will betray you? So you can't turn your backs on them?

And why? Why should I bother? When you give me so little? When is illegal for you to commit to me and you all cheer that on?

I like it very much when a girl will bring me food and try to help support the diet I've created. I really like it when a girl will say something truly supportive of me. When she says, "way to go!". So rare. So rare for a girl to be able to do that and I believe her.

I really liked the massage therapist I got to experience. She was always touching me. In the kindest ways. Not touch as pain but touch as comfort. Really taught me a lot about how touch can be comfort.

It's very hard to find an acceptable girl who will support your vision. Hell it's hard to find an average girl, who will go get upset with you and scream at you about how, just look, lol!, look at all the guys who literally proposed to you because you put up a Facebook picture in a little black dress and a thong. Oh my why is your thong showing in that picture? Sure go marry one of those guys who beat it to your Facebook picture. Why do you think I even care?

I struggle to even be able to imagine a woman who is actually supportive. Who gives to me so I can fight the world. But it really does become very simple. Bring me food and suck my dick. And tell me, "way to go".

Do girls even believe in their men? I struggle to even believe that this could be true. That is not how girls are. They are a part of the struggle. That's what they choose to be.

[deleted] · 2016-04-25T20:40:15+00:00

It also gets said in TRP that most men naturally gravitate towards "beta" traits. Is this you?

Yes.

How would you prefer to act towards women?

To be nice and kind to them, and to have an "equal" relationship with them. To shower them with attention and gifts. To be emotionally available all the time. To tell her everything I am thinking or feeling at any given time. To give her whatever she wants.

I have tried this. It doesn't work. It causes them to lose attraction for me. It causes them to mistreat me and think they can walk all over me.

[deleted] · 2016-04-25T21:39:07+00:00

Assume the relationship wizard promised you a unicorn (or a series of unicorns, or a herd of unicorns to ride at the same time), how would your dream dynamic work?

Same as what I have with my girlfriend right now. I genuinely would not change a fucking thing.

I'm in charge of everything. Not overly aggressive, but dominant within the relationship and she knows to respect me. She likes this a lot. I like a lot too. Everyone's happy.

And yes this dynamic is very natural. Nothing is forced. We slot into our roles perfectly.

MissPearl · 2016-04-25T19:40:01+00:00

That seems to be the natural order of things since the majority of girls seem to be tag-a- longs.. I never really ordered them to do anything, it was more like "what are you doing today?? I wanna go!"

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winndixie · 2016-04-25T23:33:10+00:00

I don't even want to be in charge. I want people to already know what makes the relationship work and what doesn't. But often they dont and I have to put myself in charge or watch a building I built slowly burn down with two buckets of water in my hands.

I'm a firm believer in that everybody gravitates towards one thing: the most gain for the least effort. A man realizes this is not how the world works and the most gains go to those who strive. Women who don't realize this often whine for other men to come rescue and fix their problems, and if they have no problems they make them up. At worst they go blaming men who are taking action without giving an alternate answer to their pressing problems.

ppdthrowawai · 2016-04-26T14:19:49+00:00

This one gets brought up a lot, that a mainstream media lies to men and shows them that women want nice, considerate thoughtful men, while TRP believes women want aggressive, assertive and dominant men.

Women DO want nice, considerate, thoughtful men (who are aggressive, assertive, and dominant). The problem is the narrative that aggression and dominance are bad things on the opposite end of the spectrum from nice and considerate.

Many young women also confuse the ideas for nice and considerate with doormat qualities. These ideas spill over into the young men who are attempting to woo them in a game that is initially, largely stacked in the women's favor.

how would your dream dynamic work?

It is all in how you select your partner. Command high standards and don't compromise. Be a firm puzzle piece and you will find an opposing puzzle piece that fits neatly with you. By definition, I then do whatever the hell I want and so does my SO.

I say command high standards because you cannot expect to have high standards if you are not high SMV. The further away your partner is from your own SMV, the more likely there is to be ulterior motives or an abusive situation.

Title	Q4RP Men: Do you want to be in charge in your relationship? What about "nice"? What would be your ideal dynamic?
Author	MissPearl
Upvotes	7
Comments	56
Date	April 25, 2016 6:25 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4genwi/q4rp_men_do_you_want_to_be_in_charge_in_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4rp-men-do-you-want-to-be-in-charge-in-your.274951 https://theredarchive.com/post/274951

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