[Question for Women] What advice would you give the man who is in this deadbedroom?

StingrayVC · 2016-01-01T22:22:23+00:00

I would tell him to cut off her money. Pay the bills he needs to pay for the house and his child whom he is obviously devoted to. Cut back on his work as he is able. Work out, find things that he enjoys and go do them. Spend time with his son, who at 12 undoubtably sees this playing out and understands way more than either of them realize. I would tell him to basically ignore his wife and deal with the name calling, because at this point, what does it mean if she calls him names? He is obviously not an asshole, but she's not going to stop calling him that no matter what he does, so he should start doing things for himself.

He should start living his own life on his own terms. He should just get out from underneath her thumb even though he doesn't want to leave. Take the power back from her that he has so obviously given her.

It would be hard, but he could go about doing all of this without leaving with some thought.

3dbattleship · 2016-01-01T23:13:08+00:00

I would say that the relationship is pretty much sunk- not because of the sex but because they're miserable and don't seem to care about each other. I would tell him to seriously look into a divorce.

wombatinaburrow · 2016-01-02T02:54:23+00:00

He married his mistress and wonders why it never worked out. D'oh.

goatismycopilot · 2016-01-01T21:45:45+00:00

Get divorced.

[deleted] · Fri Jan 1 22:04:55 2016 UTC

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wub1234 · 2016-01-02T04:02:45+00:00

I would tell him to start writing using paragraphs. That should be his number one priority.

[deleted] · 2016-01-01T23:23:10+00:00

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[deleted] · 2016-01-02T01:38:44+00:00

Sounds like a nightmare, granted we're only getting one side of the story. If she's willing, they should really try couples counseling. But really, they seem pretty clearly headed for divorce. He should look into therapy to prepare himself for that.

appencapn · 2016-01-02T04:04:39+00:00

Sounds like he's leaving out the part where he married a hot cray-cray and knocked her up thus evading responsibility in his own post. Stop paying for shit. Move out and divorce. The kid is 12 so joint custody would rely on the kids own testimony and in any case hes not so young to be negatively influenced so much by mother if dad doesn't get joint custody.

Also it seems like wife doesn't need him at all for anything since she works and does housework and seems to primarily take care of son. honestly he sounds like a terrible father and husband and no wonder there is no attraction.

Lesson learned.

ozymandias271 · 2016-01-01T21:34:26+00:00

He has a kid, and judging from his post they don't fight a lot or otherwise create a sufficiently unpleasant situation for the child that the kid'd be better off if they divorced. But she's also uninterested in working on the problem.

So I'd say to hang in there for six years, see an escort occasionally (using condoms for everything including oral) to stay sane and married, and then serve her with divorce paperwork.

questioningwoman · 2016-01-02T15:12:54+00:00

Hide some money and assets from the wife. Decide not to have sex with his wife at all so he doesn't pass on an STD but decide to have sex with other women outside of the marriage. Keep all of this a hidden secret.

oryxic · 2016-01-02T08:17:52+00:00

I would be interested to see what she says about it to see how different their opinions are of the situation. He speaks a lot about all the things that he does - he works, he provides money, this life is something he BUILT, he deserves, etc, but I don't actually see him speaking about her as a person or about anything that he enjoys about her.

From what I can see, they work polar opposite shifts and never spend time together. They've got a young child in addition to this, and although he says she "sees him as a walking ATM", he also says she has a full time job and does housework so it doesn't seem like she's the vampiric sponge he paints her as. I'd have a hard time getting all fired up for someone I saw a couple of hours a day who seethed with resentment about what a mooch I was. Two hot people near each other is pretty much all you need for a fling, but a long term relationship needs a little more upkeep.

Given the situation their relationship resulted from (6 month fling cemented with a baby) I can kind of get why they're both frustrated and unfulfilled. I'd say he needs to try and re-establish the romantic part of the relationship that they're both clearly missing out on. (And I don't mean just romantic acts, but to rekindle the romantic feelings they each have for each other as adult, sexual human beings). That also means focusing on himself more so that he can be happy because it's really hard to be romantically attracted to someone who has no self and who is wrapped up in someone else.

This is assuming they both want to put in the work. The whole thing seems kind of like a trainwreck, it may be better for both of them to divorce and seek other partners.

themonkeyturtle · 2016-01-01T22:49:16+00:00

I think he really doesn't sound like he respects himself. I'm not going to go to the extreme side of things and say he should cheat on her, but I think he should he should demonstrate that he is a valuable human being whom does have the power to make a woman happy, and if she isn't showing enough effort into the marriage he should show that he's prepared to leave and go where he is more appreciated

GridReXX · 2016-01-02T15:15:57+00:00

He's not that sympathetic.

Next time link a bloke I feel bad for. Lol.

winndixie · 2016-01-02T21:23:41+00:00

He should just be himself.

Title	[Question for Women] What advice would you give the man who is in this deadbedroom?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	29
Date	January 1, 2016 9:26 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3z257p/question_for_women_what_advice_would_you_give_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-women-what-advice-would-you-give-the.277338 https://theredarchive.com/post/277338

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