I'm dealing with a weird problem... I think I would benefit from hearing the "stronger" opinions on dating that come out of the BP and RP schools of thought. I can't tell if I am being naive, or doing the opposite and experiencing a weird jealous streak for the first time in my life. The situation involves me, my boyfriend and his coworker, Ruth. Ruth's been around since I met Matt. They're both graphic designers at the same firm.

Matt and Ruth like comics, anime, games, etc., so they hit it off right away. I don't have any of those interests, so I rarely go with them to the comic shops, super hero movies, etc. I mainly see Ruth at holidays and other special events / parties.

Ruth has always been nice, but a little socially awkward. She came here from Nanjing at 13 or 14. Unless you're very knowledgeable about her interests, it can be difficult keeping up a conversation. I wouldn't call us close... I like Ruth and we see each other a few times a year.

—

Things got tricky around May. Matt and I were at a farmer's market we go to almost every Sunday. For the first time, Ruth was there. I was surprised when I saw her. It wasn't hot out, but she wore those shorts where you can see butt cheeks, and a crop top that exposed a lot of stomach, abs, etc. Needless to say, this wasn't Ruth's usual style. She also had big sunglasses on that made it hard to recognize her, or see her facial expressions. I bumped into her before Matt, so we had an awkward conversation at first (more awkward than normal).

Ruth kind of looked me up and down. She flatly said "oh hey", without smiling. Small talk quickly broke down after that. She looked around at the vegetable stands and asked if I "knew how to do a lot of healthy cooking?" When I said yes, she gave me a quizzical look, paused like she had to think about something, and then asked where Matt was. As soon as I pointed him out, she said "nice to see you", and basically sauntered (?) away in his direction.

—

Our interaction seemed weird, but not too important at the time. When Matt was telling me about work a few days later, I remembered to ask if everything was OK with Ruth. He said she's pretty much the same at the office, but may be trying to branch out in new directions socially and recreation-wise. She had a bad break up over Christmas, and came back with a more seize the day attitude in the new year. Matt says he actually sees less of her now, because she's busy doing other things.
 

Ruth's name didn't come up again for a while. In June, they went to an expo together. Normally, Matt has a lot to say about those things (in a funny way). He barely mentioned this one. About a week later, he got tagged in some photos from the convention, and they appeared on his FB. I looked at an album that had photos of Ruth, too. She was wearing a cosplay outfit – some catsuit unzipped to her stomach, with the sides of her boobs hanging out. It was more revealing from behind. The spandex was so tight, or thin, or whatever that you could see ass crack. I get that these costumes are supposed to look sexy. It's just weird that Ruth has never been into Cosplay in the 4 years I've known her.

—

Matt was wearing his street clothes... he doesn't enjoy cosplay as a hobby. Ruth posted a picture where she is pointing at him, and he is pretending to cower backward with his hands in the air. She captioned it "my minion". Um, yeah. I mentioned the expo a few days later, to see if Matt would volunteer any more information. He didn't. I asked what Ruth thought of it / if she had a good time. He deflected again, so I kept asking questions to get small pieces of information.

It turns out they grabbed beers with a few other people after the convention. Matt's friends went home after one or two drinks. Ruth wanted to stay out for a third. On her fourth, Matt ordered a coke. They killed time at Starbucks until it was safe to drive home. Interesting...   Since then, they went to see Jurassic World together. I didn't ask questions, not wanting to cause more drama.

—

Now there's talk of going to a convention that would require driving out of town. It's one they've been to before. I feel lame because I am considering asking my BF not to go. The easiest thing would be to say I want to come along, too. Everybody knows I don't like comics, though, so it would be obvious I was just trying to "keep an eye" on them.

I don't want to be a jealous, controlling GF. Is that what this is? Please give me a reality check if I am out of line. Otherwise, what would you think (or do) in my situation?   Cheers.

 

tl;dr: BF of 4 years was friends with a coworker before we met. She is the shy / awkward type. We always got along, but aren't close friends. Since new years, she's gone through a 'phase' ...

She now turns up places where my BF and I hang out, dressed very sexily. She has gone to events with my BF, dressed in revealing cosplay gear (which I didn't find out about it until several days later). She has encouraged him to stay out drinking, even after their mutual friends go home. She has tagged him in FB pictures, writing captions that make it seem (jokingly) like he is "mesmerized" by her.

When I talk to my BF, he admits she is going through a weird phase, but thinks it's harmless. Is this a situation where I need to intervene, or would that seem controlling?