Lying by Omission #2

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2015-06-27T23:26:17+00:00

Give #2 my number

MsLilith · 2015-06-28T13:56:33+00:00

Not ok. Someone who cheats that regularly and on "wives" not just some gf is a risk to trust or marry. Serial cheating on spouses definitely needs to be disclosed.
Not ok. Can you imagine just happening to discover your long term SO or spouse killed someone? ...And hid it?No one wants to be surprised with having to live through some morbid "Lifetime" movie.
Not ok. Granted it wasn't illegal, she doesn't have a record, but I can't imagine anyone being ok with just being surprised with that info down the road.
Ok to a point. The person in question has expressed concern that disclosing this to the wrong people might put him in danger. Holding off on telling a chick until he trusts her is perfectly reasonable in this situation. But, hiding it forever is not.
Not ok. If she's building this relationship on a false pretense and you just stay quiet, that's a dick move. I'm into some of the spirituality stuff and study topics some would find utterly silly, but if my bf used that to knowingly trick me or something? That's low. If the chick is ONLY in it because you share a b-day then do you really want to stay anyway?

cuittler · 2015-06-28T00:28:27+00:00

Not Ok
Not Ok
Not Ok
Not Ok
Not Ok

Mostly because I can't imagine being the other person in any of those situations and not being pissed if I found out later. Are their actions understandable in a self-preserving sense? Absolutely, but lies or lies by omission aren't a good foundation to build a relationship on IMO.

And especially in the case of 3 and 4, if that were me I'd want to be with someone I didn't have to hide my past from for fear they'd have a bigot freak-out on me anyway.

Btw is this a question for redpill? I'm on mobile and forgot to look.

Epicureanist · 2015-06-27T23:14:06+00:00

cheated on prior spouses, discovered jesus

1.) Not ok long-term

murdered a man

2.) Not ok

former prostitute

3.) Not ok

bi man

4.) Not ok long-term

Not ok long-term = don't reveal on the first date, but when things get serious talk about your past.

TOOCGamer · 2015-06-28T00:06:45+00:00

Hmm, this one is a little harder..

Ok. It's just like the how many partners thing - if it matters to the other person, they really should be the ones to ask. Not to say the guy isn't an asshole.
Ouch. This one is hard... In contrast to the many partners question, this one can effect your partner even if they don't care about it. What if your girlfriend wants to adopt someday? Screwed. What if your girlfriend is employed by the gov't and has security clearance? Screwed. ... On this one I have to say not ok. But it's also not something I would expect to come out on the first date.
Not ok. It's totally different to say nothing when it's clear that the partner is assuming something incorrectly.
Ahh.... hmm. This one is a little odd as the most reasonable expectation is that the person will care about it / you can't take their non-asking as simply non-caring. That would make me lean not ok on this one. I could also see ok, as he says he will tell before getting super serious, with the assumption that he does not lie if asked directly... I could go either way, really.
Not ok. Again, once it's clear that someone is making an incorrect assumption and you don't correct it, you're in the wrong.

cuponoodlesisback · 2015-06-28T03:50:56+00:00

1.OK 2.Not OK 3.Not OK 4.OK 5.OK

CursedLemon · 2015-06-28T04:01:11+00:00

The person with the history should be honest and open with their partner about anything that has the potential to come back and affect the relationship.

Said person's partner should be understanding in that sometimes people want to completely forget their past and get on with their lives.

If you really want to get all anal about the ethical minutia of this, it really only matters once a relevant transgression has occurred.

mcconnelldemasi · 2015-06-28T04:01:40+00:00

Ok. Honestly if a man was divorced twice then I expect the woman to ask questions to find out. There is no need to reveal such details early on. Cheating is common. It's not surprising.
Not ok. There is no need to reveal it until things become serious like monogamy, marriage or moving in together. I believe everyone who paid for their crime should have a second chance but this type of crime can affect the woman in the future with employment and living arrangement due to background checks.
Not ok. This is lying by omission since the woman is well aware of her fiance's misconception.
Ok. There is no need to reveal such things that will put you in danger. There is certain amount of your sexuality that should be kept private.
Not ok since she is going to find out if things get serious. Lying by omission.

VerticalSmileyCyrus · 2015-06-28T17:51:02+00:00

5. I used to be a man.

rulenumber303 · 2015-06-28T18:10:59+00:00

Not OK. But if you've been divorced twice and she doesn't grill you fairly intensively about both those divorces before she becomes serious then let's just say she's not only being lied to by omission, she's going along with it because she doesn't want to know, she wants the fantasy. However if you're telling a lot of little incidental lies to fill in the gaps as to why your marriages failed and avoid attracting attention to what is unsaid, then you're actively lying.
Not OK once you get to the stage where one or both of you would actually be annoyed by the relationship ending.
Ex-prostitute in the middle of virgins. That's like a fox amongst the chickens. The power differential here in terms of stuff she knows is so extreme that I'm having trouble seeing anything about the situation as ethical. Really she should go live somewhere that her entire social standing wouldn't disappear if she took the risk and told a boyfriend about her past.
I'm OK with that, so long as he's taken pains to find out if she's OK with people who have same-sex relationships in general. Its kind of on him to do something to actively work to check whether she'd be hella freaked out by the very thought.
She gonna dump you when she finds out, so you shouldn't be doing this unless you're OK with that happening after you've got very used to having her around. Also she might dump you if she finds someone numerologically more suited and that will be all your fault for going for a ditz who believes in magic in the first place. Also your life is a sitcom, that is rarely a good thing. But I don't mind you letting her believe your birthday is the same as hers. If she's not having sex with you for some dumbass stupid reason she'll be having sex with some other guy for some dumbass stupid reason, her grip on reality is not strong. Also there's kind of a pathetic side to you in all this, I mean she doesn't want you for you at all, does she? If you've let the relationship get to the stage where you are regarding it as something that breaks up rather than just stopped hooking up then sounds to me like you've irresponsibly tried to build something of worth on very shaky ground. On the whole I say you're heading to a train wreck but the things you are doing are only slightly awful in themselves.

ECoast_Man · 2015-06-28T20:45:56+00:00

2 and 3 are the only ones I have a problem with. I don't think any of these are appropriate first date conversations (as the rest seem to imply). Fiance is a big difference than meeting a girl for a dinner and banging her. Most girls I meet learn damn near nothing about me on the first three dates...

When I think of lying by omissions, I think more of situations where someone is clearly relying on another, and just doesn't ask.

For example, you start dating and the dude is talking and making signs as if you are exclusive. The girl is not exclusive, but allows the man to think, even though she knows in her heart that she should disclose. That works for both genders.

This is also why "breaks" should never be taken. One party, invariably, is the "loser" while another fucks someone else. The other party doesn't "ask" but you can tell he/she is fishing to see if the other did. That's lying by omission.

cxj · 2015-06-29T04:38:00+00:00

Sexual strategy is amoral
Sexual strategy is amoral
Sexual strategy is amoral
Sexual strategy is amoral

Sleela17 · 2015-06-29T14:30:07+00:00

I might be in the minority, but I say this is okay. I don't really think people have an obligation to divulge anything about their sexual past to their current partner, unless they have an STD. The past is the past. That said, if you're asked something like "Why did your marriages end?" (which I'm sure is a question that will come up at some point) and you answer with something like, "We just drifted apart" and don't bring up the cheating, that's not okay.
This one's iffy to me, and I think it's because you picked such a serious crime. If it was something like a drug charge, robbery, or something like that I'd probably say this was okay. With murder I'm a little unsure. So I'm on the fence on this one. I will say that if the relationship progresses to something more serious, like marriage or moving in together, you would need to divulge this information because it could have pretty large repercussions for your partner down the road and they might not be okay with that. So I guess at first it's not necessary to divulge, but if things get serious it is.
This is okay with me for the same reason as #1. Unless your career as a prostitute resulted in an STD that you could spread to your current partner, it's not their business.
Okay. This seems like a matter of self-preservation more than anything else. And, once again, it's no one's business, even the future wife's.
Not okay. Your entire relationship with this woman is built on false pretenses, and things should be set straight. Your birthday isn't something you can hide forever, especially if you end up getting married or something, so it's in both your best interest to tell her the truth. She'll be incredibly pissed when she finds out you're lying (and I wouldn't blame her.)

capt-next-a-hoe · 2015-06-27T23:02:18+00:00

Ok
Not Ok
Not Ok
Ok

1 and 4 aren't really harmful. 2 and 3 are.

strongalfalfa · 2015-06-28T02:04:52+00:00

1) Not okay. Come on, a serial cheater? You can't change that.

2) I think former criminals should have a chance at leading normal lives but you need to be honest with people. Not ok.

3) Hmm. I did a lot of thinking about this one. Ok

4) Ok. LGBTQ need assistance still, sadly.

5) Not ok. He needs to be honest.

lurfly · 2015-06-29T08:59:07+00:00

I'm probably more of a blooper but honestly, people deserve second chances. Like I think the most important thing is to be honest about who you are right now. If you're not the same person, if it's not affecting you, then they don't really HAVE to know about it IMO. Never lie if asked. And honest conversations ahead of time will prevent horrible awkward ones later if it comes out and is taken negatively. I do believe that is the best policy, but I don't think its awful for people to want to put this stuff behind them. If they aren't trying to put it behind them, and are just trying to hide it from the person then its shitty. If marriage/serious relationships come up in any of these cases, you should be close enough to discuss these things though. If you can't trust your partner enough to accept the new person you've become, or if they're the type of person to abandon you for a mistake far, far in your past, you two ~~probably~~ definitely shouldn't get married.

Ok if you genuinely don't plan on doing it again. If you do plan on cheating... then just break up with her or discuss an open relationship. If it happens again, gotta tell her what happened.
Ok if you're not still a murderer. Never lie if asked about it. Personally I also think it would come back to bite you in the ass if people you were close to found out. Instead a honest conversation after getting to know them a bit would be the safest bet IMO.
Ok. Don't lie if asked. Be sure you're free of STDs, if not you must tell him about the STDs but not the partners.
Ok. I wouldn't lie about it if asked though.
Sorta ok. Sounds she's SUPER serious about the relationship and he isn't into it at all, meaning they should just break up or have a serious conversation about his level of interest.

Lying by Omission #2

Comments

5. I used to be a man.

When you use the '#' sign everything gets really dramatic

I did not know that!

LOUD NOISES

Title	Lying by Omission #2
Author	fiat_lux_
Upvotes	8
Comments	25
Date	June 27, 2015 10:57 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3bckt9/lying_by_omission_2/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/lying-by-omission-2.281370 https://theredarchive.com/post/281370