BP: What is your definition of a real man?

Wanderlustian · 2015-06-02T08:04:28+00:00

I've always found the language of "real man/woman" to be fairly unhelpful. Vague enough that anyone can use it to make a poorly defined but catchy point on Facebook but not useful in any meaningful way. It should be replaced with adult, which can even have the same gravitas in conversation, if you want to be taken seriously.

An ADULT is capable of taking care of themselves independently, regardless of what relationship status they enjoy.

An ADULT is proud of and responsible for their body, regardless of size or proportions. "Real women" might be inherently skinny or curvy or whatever other arbitrary beauty ideal has been decided by some douche with a meme generator. An ADULT looks or is working on looking how she or he wants to, knowing what effect it has on their health, perception, etc, and taking that effect seriously, with their own goals above anyone else's. Ideally this would mean being strong and conditioned with a reasonable understanding of nutrition, so that your body is not a liability to your wellbeing or the wellbeing of those around you.

An ADULT pursues family and/or career to the extent that will bring them the greatest happiness, up to the point that they are not excluding the happiness of their family for their career, or excluding financial independence for their family. An adult is a good and positive influence on anyone around them.

An ADULT recognizes that they are not fucking special, so others have just as much of a right to happiness and agency as they do, and will not try to strip another person of either. Accordingly, an ADULT is unapologetically true to themselves but does not try to control others, even when providing guidance.

This is far from an exhaustive list but I think I've proven my point that beneficial attributes are gender neutral and that treating yourself AND others well will be received warmly by all. In my opinion prescriptions for man or womanhood are just really dumbed down versions of prescriptions for adulthood; but where adulthood is about doing what's right regardless of difficulty or social pressure, "real ___hood" is about enforcing the same old social norms as if they were progressive and edgy.

An ADULT additionally recognizes that each person is an individual and should be judged as such. They should be judged leniently and with a focus on their successes as they define them, recognizing that we must frequently choose one success over another. They made their choice and I can make mine, but that doesn't make me better than them.

Edit: couple edits for word choice.

buartha · 2015-06-02T12:10:02+00:00

I don't really have much in the way of standards for what 'real' man is. Most of the traditional masculine 'gruff, stoic, strong' classifications would preclude me from being a real man anyway, and I'm actually quite happy with being a man so that would be a pity, haha.

I suppose the bare minimum for me taking someone seriously as an adult is them being able to take responsibility for their decisions and handle the consequences, which is the same for both genders.

SirNemesis · 2015-06-02T06:25:43+00:00

To me, a real human being (since I don't differentiate between genders) is someone who is honest, caring, generous, respectful, open-minded, curious, loving, passionate, creative, authentic, emotional (or at least unafraid to express their feelings), and mind game averse (which fits nicely with authenticity). Maturity is another huge thing, and that would encompass someone's drive. I also really respect people who are humble and are team players.

Some things that automatically disqualify someone from being viewed as a functional adult in my eyes are excess anger, closed-mindedness, dishonesty, fakeness, lack of motivation, cockiness, a domineering nature (I find people who are "dominant" to be overly pushy and difficult to deal with, so I refuse to even entertain anything they have to say), pushiness, being hateful, and greed. Irresponsibility is also a terrible terrible trait.

One attains being a "real human being" in my eyes by having or trying to develop those traits and by having their heart in the right place no matter what they do.

Edit: Am a guy.

Note: When I say "real", I mean someone that I can respect.

ianturpiesmoustache · 2015-06-02T08:41:02+00:00

Basically, what in your words, is your definition of what it means when someone is a real man, or an adult man?

As opposed to fake men and man-children? There's no "real man", just like there's no "real woman". Different people have different strengths and weaknesses that have fuck-all to do with their genitals. Not fulfilling some random person's idea of what makes them attractive doesn't make them less "real" or worthy of respect/love.

GridReXX · 2015-06-02T15:04:25+00:00

I think this is what makes me "bloop."

I don't use terms like "masculine" or "feminine" or "real man" or "real woman" to define traits that are likely beneficial or not beneficial to adults.

There are only traits per personality type.

If you were to ask me, "What makes a man sexually attractive to me?"

I could perhaps answer that and it might be more along the lines of the answer you want.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-06-02T07:00:17+00:00

I know this isn't the answer you were looking for, but I really hate this kind of definition with a passion. All men are real. The guy who lives with his mom and smokes weed and play video games all day is a real man. The man who likes to dress as a woman and have sex with other men is a real man. The guy who likes to read TRP and sleep with lots of women is a real man. I don't get to decide what qualifies as a man based on characteristics that I like or don't like. Why should Brad Pitt be more representative of a man than Bob the cashier at Walmart? Being a man is a personal experience and no one gets to decide who and who does not have this experience.

TheChemist158 · 2015-06-02T07:00:46+00:00

I don't have any real differences in expectations for men or women. So I can't say I really believe in "real men" since women would be exactly the same but with a vagina. But I consider a person a proper adult when they take responsibility for their actions, able to manage their own life, take care of themselves, and do something to earn their way. This is bare minimum, I have a long list of what I think people should strive to be.

[deleted] · 2015-06-02T13:57:18+00:00

This doesn't refer to any autonomic, biological changes such as puberty and physiological development.

There's basically a point in one's mid to late 20's, possibly even early 30's for some, where the adult brain develops. This is basically the point in ones life where he or she becomes a resource sharer or provider rather then a resource consumer.

That's my definition of a real adult man (or woman). Some people develop better than others, especially when they have values that express very adult- like modes of behavior. Some young people are very good at acting adult like even if they're not technically there yet, and some people who are old enough to be an adult are still stuck in super absorbent mode.

You people who've not yet passed the threshold have no idea how intolerable you have the potential to be. In some sense I find the whole RP/BP phenomenon a reaction to the fact that most pre adults are not very pleasant to be around (you basically exist for yourself and no one else), especially in the high contact context of intimate relationships.

andrewisgood · 2015-06-02T22:19:29+00:00

http://youtu.be/jW9cnAbiyrA

According to this educational video, a real man squeezes oranges to get his orange juice, chops down trees, and works with heavy equipment among other things.

But yeah, what a real man is seems silly and almost like a no true Scotsman fallacy. Plus it seems to push gender norms which TRP may either be for or against depending on the situation.

Slightly on topic with the video, there's this wrestler in ROH called "The Last Real Man" Silas Young. He has a moustache and everything so you know he's legit. But his promos are like, we come here and work with these old weights, that's what real men do and it's this heel gimmick where he's a real man and everyone else is a wimp.

[deleted] · 2015-06-02T13:42:01+00:00

I don't think the terms "real man" and "real woman" are helpful. I distinguish between "adult" and "non-adult", and that's about it. If someone has a job, is paying for themselves, and has their emotional shit together, they're an adult and worthy of respect. If they don't do those things, they're not an adult and less worthy of respect. It's really that simple.

[deleted] · 2015-06-02T14:59:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	BP: What is your definition of a real man?
Author	gavinok
Upvotes	6
Comments	38
Date	June 2, 2015 6:05 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/386o35/bp_what_is_your_definition_of_a_real_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/bp-what-is-your-definition-of-a-real-man.281825 https://theredarchive.com/post/281825

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