When do women make themselves a priority while in a relationship?

Ofourkind · 2019-09-30T20:45:32+00:00

Finding balance is a matter of experience and maturity. Most young people need to fuck up a number of times before they get it right.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-09-30T20:49:40+00:00

Nurturing becomes part of a woman's identity, especially if she has kids. You feel like you need to take care of everybody else first - your children, your husband, your aging parents, that friend of yours who is going through a hard time. At some point you realize that you are making yourself your last priority. You need to establish boundaries that give yourself some "you" time. I can't speak for others, but my relationship with my partner is probably the healthiest I have had in a lot of ways. My kid is grown and moved out, for one. I have time for my own hobbies and pursuits, so therefore I have time to offer more to my partner because I'm not distracted by childrearing. YMMV.

SunflowerBurst · 2019-09-30T23:13:34+00:00

Women are natural nurturers and want to make others happy and to an extent ignore our own needs. Women literally have space for another utterly dependent human built into our bodies. And on top of that we are socialized as such. Men protect and provide but I feel it’s more of a choice of generosity and not an unconscious innate impulse. The man chooses whom he is protective of. Men, even low self esteem men, are much better than women at saying “wow she treated me bad, I’m out.” Women often have to learn that men don’t have that same instinctual nurturing and that is why parents warn their daughters about men. The reason they say men are dangerous is for one reason because he will assume the woman is just as good at looking out for #1 as he is, so he’ll push her boundaries and just assume she’s fine with it, not understanding that she’s often strenuously ignoring her own needs and expecting him to also. That is dangerous because he can emotionally trample her or worse and legitimately have no idea. The title of this post reflects that. And then this same thing is why men get “blind-sided” by divorces. The woman had been silently pushing down her own needs as a matter of course with no indication, the man assumes she’s great and doesn’t suppress any of his needs, then one days she’s had enough and assumes he’ll get that because she doesn’t get that he had no hang ups about getting his needs met.

Not saying one is better or worse they both should learn from each other.

poppy_blu · 2019-09-30T23:47:56+00:00

In some cases, women will place the burden of their own happiness on their partner

This isn't gender specific. Lots of poeple do this.

Happiness comes from within,

Yes. This is a lesson many, many, MANY people die without ever learning.

Mulkvistee · 2019-09-30T21:28:25+00:00

Idk about "women" but for me it was all the time, until it wasn't. At 18 I had a plan and a back up plan for life going concurrently and no time for couples dramatics or seeking men out. Imo it's amazing how many men saw relationship success as monopolizing time I didn't have in boring ways. I could magically make time if I reeeeaaally cared guilt trip stuff ensued.

By pure stupid luck I met the guy who got it early. Unsurprisingly he wasn't sitting around waiting for things to happen to him, had his own goals, and wasn't waiting for me to fail over setbacks like a "told you so!" fuck-villain waiting in the wings. He had an innate understanding that when time is precious Netflix and Chill is way less tempting than a good long nap. It was time consuming and inconvenient, but I didn't care. I happily pushed every limit I had.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-10-01T04:14:07+00:00

I dont get it. I've never been especially nurturing or "lost myself" over a partner so I also never consciously thought about how I "need to do me." If I had to focus on other stuff in my life then i just would, i guess.

It seems a bit like something pertaining to mothers, or a cliche from shows aimed at housewives, maybe an advertisement to get target women to buy some product.

Texastentialism · 2019-09-30T20:37:09+00:00

Women are people pleasers by nature.

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Female_urinary_maze · 2019-10-01T05:00:54+00:00

This hasn't been a problem for me personally, but from my friendships with other young people I have noticed that it's an extremely normal issue in youth among both sexes.

People tend to take an interest in dating at the same time in their life where they are trying to discover who they are as individuals, and that's a particularly vulnerable life stage. They are inexperienced, insecure, sexually desperate, and looking for something or someone to hold onto. That's a perfect storm of factors that lead to poor boundaries and seeing one's self as half of a relationships rather than as an individual. Once someone starts letting themselves be subsumed by relationships in order to feel whole it becomes a habit, and such habits are hard to break without the painful jolt of a negative experience.

PanderjitSingh_k · 2019-10-01T02:07:07+00:00

That’s what women tell themselves;that they’re always putting their own interests last and everyone else is just too insensitive to see it.

Title	When do women make themselves a priority while in a relationship?
Author	PadThai42
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	September 30, 2019 8:26 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dbhp4f/when_do_women_make_themselves_a_priority_while_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-do-women-make-themselves-a-priority-while-in.286929 https://theredarchive.com/post/286929

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