What is the problem, and what do you think is the root of the issue?
I'll try to be as brief as possible. I think the root issues are that I am very forgetful and also that my husband has anger management issues as well. Current Situation: Husband made turkey stock last night (night shift schedule). This morning he asked me to make room in the fridge to put it away, and to clean the cutting board/dishes (he let the dog lick the turkey juice off the cutting board). Well, I cleaned the dishes except the cutting board b/c we had the wishbone left and I was waiting to break it together so I kept it on there. I forgot to put the stock away because initially when I went to do that in the morning but it was still warm and I was going to let it cool before.
Husband wakes up, and everything is fine until he sees I left the turkey stock out. He gets mad, but holds it in. I apologize. He starts taking out leftovers to make a plate, and I start bringing all the containers out. Our kitchen is very small, and the still-dirty cutting board is taking up a lot of counter space. I put one container on the edge of the cutting board near him so he can make his plate. He pauses, and asks "is that cutting board clean?" I say no, and he grabs the containers and slams them down on the opposite counter. He is extremely angry, but doesn't yell.
I go into the other room to cry. He comes in and says sorry for getting so angry, but that he's not ready to talk yet because "I wouldn't like the argument" He angrily gives me the silent treatment while occasionally slamming things while he decides to clean our bathroom for the next hour and I try to contain my crying as I start folding laundry (since I like to clean when upset). Later he comes out and just leaves without saying anything. I start crying loudly when he's gone and then he comes back in and says "I don't want it to be like that either, but I'm still upset and need to go to the gym to calm down" I initially push him away, but then apologize. He hugs me, and waits for me to stop crying and tries to illicit affection out of me to show that I'm fine. I'm not fine, and it feels like he has been/was trying to punish me. He eventually leaves to go to the gym. Now I'm writing this.
How have you contributed/attempted to mitigate the problem?
I've contributed to the problem in that I forget to do things that he asks me to do. This is an "argument" that we've had numerous times before. Mostly involving me forgetting to clean out coffee cups, when I'm done. Another one is I forgot to ask my dad something that he wanted to know on the phone. There's a couple other things I can't remember as well. It took many times for him to ask me to fully ingrain not to leave them since I've down that my whole life, so now I feel like he is extremely sensitive to when I forget things that he asks to do. I've tried to mitigate it by really trying to remember things or do them right away so I don't forget. I've even taken to setting reminders on my phone.
What is your current relationship status and length of time?
We are both 25, married 2 years, together in total for 5.
I just feel like I can't make mistakes. That I'm always expected to be on top of my game whereas if he doesn't do things I ask of him he goes days and days without doing it. Once it was months, before I just did it myself. I never nag him to do it, and I only check in with him when its important i.e. he started a new job and waited till today (due tomorrow) to sign us up for health insurance because he kept forgetting to do it.
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