Cuddleslut

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December 11, 2019
113 upvotes

You expected the title to be in reference to a girl, but it's me. I like cuddling. I'm honest. I am not a rich man or a super player. I'm just a bit obsessive with one-track minded pursuits. This year I made a point to step out of monk mode and apply my autism to putting in more numbers to do a bit better with women this year. No hard goals, just wanted to try my hand at more casual sex. Did alright, just got gonorrhea and herpes. Think I might have also gotten HepA from eating ass but it's unclear, but I won't be in a rush to do it again. Bit of a Pyrrhic victory there but that's the law of equivalent exchange. In any case, my priorities now have shifted from just wanting to bang all the vaginas. I want to be a better man. I want to make more money. I don't want a girlfriend or any more diseases yet. I hooked up with this Chinese chick who I vibe with pretty well as long as we don't talk too long, but I definitely wouldn't want to commit to. I'd say she's an HB6.5. I've had my share of whambam thank ya mams and ghost, but some nights I just want to cuddle. I don't know, I just like high quality cuddling. It makes me nice in a place that's not my penis. Sounds a bit gay but it's fine because I lift and take shirtless pictures, so I was already a bit of a homo. I don't want to buy a body pillow, it's much cheaper this way. LTRs sound like too much work and sex is just sex. Anyone can get that. I like squeezing something warm and human shaped that doesn't make too much noise at night. Not all cuddlers are made equal either, some are just bad. Some you just want out of there as soon as you bust. This is a good one. Anybody else have a cuddle plate or am I gonna be the only one who does this? Are there rules that apply to maintenance? Is it enough to be just beta enough to keep the cuddling going with one particular chick without necessarily needing sex or commitment? That'd be ideal


Post Information
Title Cuddleslut
Author Steely_D
Upvotes 113
Comments 31
Date 11 December 2019 03:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/298759
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e91lnt/cuddleslut/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
ghostingbetalong term relationshipplatemonk modelift
Comments

[–]unnatural_by_nature97 points98 points  (2 children) | Copy

This entire post is legitimately the funniest shit I’ve probably ever read on here. Cuddle away, my dude.

10/10 would seriously lol again

[–]crunk_lion14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

I know I absolutely fking died where he said "i take shirtless pics and lift weights so I was already a bit homo".

[–]chubz4you9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

“I got hepA from eating ass, or maybe it was the oysters..” haha

[–]BurnieSlander36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol possibly best shitpost ever on this sub

[–]muricanwerewolf123 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

Goddamn what a ride

[–]BrodinsOats1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lmfao I almost went “tldr” but then I held out, and wew

[–]tries_to_tri24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

Think I might have also gotten HepA from eating ass but it's unclear because I know you can get that from oysters

This might be the funniest thing I've ever read lmao

[–]theeverydayhustle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What if the plate ate oysters and the ass still had bits of it in digested form

[–]BajaGhia12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

How much could a cuddleslut cuddle if a cuddleslut could cuddle sluts...

[–]serynada15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

do what you want. if you wanna be a cuddleslut, be the best cuddleslut that ever cuddled.

as long as your frame is strong and the girl knows what’s up, she’ll cuddle the shit out of you back (even tho she might call it quits when she realizes she ain’t busting nuts). find a chick who’s like minded and keep doing what you’re doing.

no real “technique” or “system” to being an elite cuddlewhore. i know for me i’ve used plates as human pillows but i always fuck em. i think most guys use plates as fucktoys and cuddle slabs.

i encourage you to chart your own path and instruct the community if you learn something valuable. become the foremost cuddleskank expert.

[–]idontevenlift379 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait a second, lifting weights and taking shirtless selfies makes you a homo? Bad news for me I guess...

[–]Standgrounding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No homo tho

[–]athrowaway-90012 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

In my experience, cuddling usually just leads to sex for me.

But to each their own man. If you love to cuddle, cuddle away. Seems like you necessitate towards a physical aspect of human need outside of sex and that's more than okay. Do what you want and unapologetically.

Otherwise, I'm sure you can find some girl that would like to reciprocate said cuddling. As far as maintenance that is beyond me, but probably find some emo or goth chick with abandonment issues and they'll probably love that shit.

[–]Jugurthajones873 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll cuddle with you, bro. But I have to be the big spoon (I’m 6’7)

[–]TiredOfBeingMediocre1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tbh this is well-written and it was an entertaining read lol

[–]smartfunction301 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Assumed it was serious and I got to the i take shirtless pics so I'm already a homo part and starting snickering so hard.

Still, I like cuddling, too.

[–]UpperRedSide1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“I like squeezing something warm, female, and human shaped.”

I mean, same.

You’re not chasing pointless LTRs and catching oneitis, so knock yourself out.

[–]HannibalTheCommander1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

God damn, why did he remove the post. The title alone made me chuckle haha.

[–]spider_13370 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I never related to the infamous cuddleslut tbh I'm more of the type who dislikes cuddling but hey cuddle away if you wanna

[–]Childe-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A solid 5/7.



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