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How to handle Labor / birth

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October 17, 2019

This is for the dads of this subreddit, or the people who are most familiar with the birthing process.

My wife is giving birth to our first little one in less than two weeks. I'm a little nervous, but I'm doing my best to not let it show and be the oak she'll need during the whole thing. I know every labor is different, but I'll take any advice I can and apply as needed.

Post Information
Title How to handle Labor / birth
Author htownbounce
Upvotes 4
Comments 8
Date 17 October 2019 05:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Original Link
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[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yikes! Lots of "beta up" advice here. Seriously, the whole labor and delivery thing isn't as big a deal as your wife will make it out to be. Seriously, you'd be surprised at how many cases I get where the guy doesn't even go to the hospital at all with his wife, or will just visit her and his kid for a couple hours at a time.

u/osmiumzulu is right. Don't make a big production of it all. It's definitely not the time to be a jerk, but there's no point sublimating yourself either. It's just as much your baby as hers. Help her out as she needs, but you still do you.

In MMSLP, Athol Kay talks about the difference between a fitness test and an actual need for help. Labor and delivery doesn't change all that. It just significantly raises the probability that she needs actual help. Adjust your evaluation of the dynamic accordingly.

[–]redwall923 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you (or does your wife) have a birth plan? You in the US? Or elsewhere? Homebirth, birth center, hospital? Midwife, doula, doctors?

There's a lot you can learn. But hopefully your wife is owning the choices about the birth plan. If she is, then all you've got to do is be invested and show your investment by evidencing interest and concern in the crap she's going through. Natural curiosity and interest is abundantly helpful here. She's the one with the changes; you can't tell her what she's feeling. Heck .. sometimes she can't tell you what she's feeling. But you can want to know how she feels and communicate that to her.

You want to read up and learn as much as you can. But don't come across as the expert telling her what to do (unless she specifically asks for it). There were times when my wife needed to be told to change positions - especially that first labor.

The waves of emotion that we talk about playing in? Those waves can get higher. But the high waves are the fun ones.

We did a home birth for all five kids. The wife struggled through some. But there was one specifically where it was one of the most emotional bonding moments she and I have ever been through. Talk about a high. There were about 2 hours for that one where she stood leaning on me. And there wasn't anything I needed to do. Midwife and apprentice were great. And I was great if you ask anybody else there. But I didn't DO anything other than rock up and be there for her to lean on.

Grace, brother!

[–]Willow-girl3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I got nothin' here, LOL, but just want to congratulate you guys on your journey into fatherhood. I hope it all goes well!

[–]htownbounce[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you! I really appreciate it. I'm excited beyond reason.

[–]OsmiumZulu2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m in the same exact boat. I’m not nervous though, and neither should you be. Women have been successfully giving birth since creation. Sure. Every labor is unique in some aspects, but why should your (or my) wife be any different than the generations of ancestors that successfully labored before them?

[–]CarelessBowler51 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Study up.

Leading up to the birth of my first, our clinic gave my wife a bunch of reading materials on the birth process and breastfeeding.

I became the resident expert on all those materials.

Discussed them with her prior to labor, so I knew everything she was aiming for.

When labor set in, she was able to lean on me 100% to take care of her, make her wishes known to the hospital staff, etc.

There will be a lot of times in her first few weeks that she's so tired and hormonal she can't think straight. It goes a long way if Dad did the homework and knows what needs to happen next.

[–]SteelSharpensSteel1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife tried to break my hand squeezing it when she was in labor.

[–]DoersOfTheWord1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hire a doula if you haven't already (might be too late). You're just going to be there and help with whatever she needs. As others have said, make sure you two have your birth plan put together and have copies for hospitals staff (we posted ours on the door and asked staff that rolled on to read it). You can add a lot of value by advocating strongly for your wife against staff if they get pushy.

Red Pill is more day to day type interactions and a way of life. Don't be an asshole. Also Congrats!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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