Men Shaming Anger, Gaslighting/ Manipulating Down Your Concerns, then Getting Angry When the Problem Pops Up Again

tellmesomething11 · 2020-11-21T17:50:14+00:00

So well said and not discussed enough. There is no time frame on your validity of your feelings. Men will literally say anything to make you sit down, shut up, and take their bullshit. I had a man shout at me when he was angry, curse at me, and after letting him speak, told me “I talked too much” when I addressed my concerns in the relationship. When I would not be silenced, he then began to mock my voice and then just started shouting gibberish over and over to silence me. And I was silenced, because I just hung up the phone. I never cursed at him and dont believe in screaming at people. It’s frustrating when you look back and realized how these men try to control EVERYTHING. And for what? Another girlfriend? The right to cheat? To steal money from you?

These men also want things to be “organic” and not “forced” yet all they do is make poor attempts to plant seeds of what THEY want in your head and change the narrative to suit them. If you acquiesce, you ain’t shit and you’ll be treated accordingly. If you leave, they rage and stalk you because you got away. Fucking bums, all of them.

daisy_0720 · 2020-11-21T18:20:17+00:00

And this is why FDS advocates walking away at the FIRST red flag. It is destructive to our mental and spiritual well-being to stay in a relationship where our needs are not being addressed and we are not allowed to speak our truth. These types of men will try to crush all the spirit, emotional integrity, conviction, honesty and strength out of you until you're walking around in a constant state of simmering anger, destabilization and resentment. It will rot you from the inside out. Women will literally become physically ill if they live like this for years on end.

KittenyCat5 · 2020-11-21T17:25:37+00:00

This was amazing and so helpful for me. I struggled a lot with expressing when I had been mistreated or when a boundary was violated and had serious delayed anger or moments of clarity surface months later. Thank you for explaining this so well.

2020-11-21T18:40:13+00:00

100% this. Gaslighting is a LVM's favorite tactic. Making you feel crazy is something narcissists and generally people with cluster b personality disorders do. Or simply abusive men. I had this exact thing happen to me. "Why are you bringing up this issue that makes you feel bad and insecure when we talked about it months ago when I only pretended to care about it so I could get into your pants, you never got over it". The problem isn't me not being able to get over it, the problem is that I should have left when he betrayed me the first time. There are things you shouldn't have to "get over" to continue your relationship. They are break-up worthy.

firewithin89 · 2020-11-21T19:44:05+00:00

My now ex always used the phrase “why are you always upset? It’s like you are are just wanting to find reasons to leave me” instead of focusing on the issue at hand.

SamuelaTheThrifty · 2020-11-21T17:35:13+00:00

Oh my God, dealing with this right now but with someone who has significant power over me and I’d lose a direct confrontation.

I’m playing the long game, being patient, biding my time, trying to find allies. It’s exhausting.

He’s one of those men who likes smart women so he can defeat us.

myousername · 2020-11-22T00:06:30+00:00

Great post! I really like how you broke down this type of manipulation into multiple phases, which makes it easier for women to spot it in the moment, while also recognizing the overall "big picture" pattern.

Always break up at the first sign of disrespect. Don't let time pass, don't let him bully you into silence.

It's actually hilarious how men react when you block/break up with him at the first sign of disrespect. They always have this shocked pikachu face like this is the first time it has ever happened to them where a woman actually stood her ground to him. And then I get sad when I imagine all the women in his past who DID fall for his manipulation.

shrimpcakewithcrust · 2020-11-21T22:51:38+00:00

Oh yes, delayed anger. Suddenly i realize how fucked up something is and this big evil wave washes over my mind.

Only_Lime2520 · 2020-11-21T23:29:18+00:00

People you know in common, will act like your taking too long to take a stand for yourself is more problematic than his actual disrespect and once again he’s off the hook and you’re sorta taking the fall as a crazy or unstable person, with poor communication or emotional regulation. Instead of “why did he disrespect her like that?? that’s disgusting” the real question to them becomes “well why is she just taking issue with it now?? what’s wrong with her...”

THIS. I'm going through a lot of this shit having to deal with the business we both founded (which he abandoned by the way). There are mutual connections who just wouldn't believe me when I told them of his true personality. I find it so so SO hard to claim my truths about what happened and I understand that I need time to find the power and the courage but when I do find it and can share with them, I get blamed for WHY DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG?

Only_Lime2520 · 2020-11-21T23:23:58+00:00

THANK YOU for giving me this empowering verbal validation --and so clearly put too-- the words that I need to claim my experience and the words which have been long taken away from me, as someone who's suffered from this very experience of being gaslighted.

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Title	Men Shaming Anger, Gaslighting/ Manipulating Down Your Concerns, then Getting Angry When the Problem Pops Up Again
Author	GalsofWisconsin
Upvotes	220
Comments	19
Date	November 21, 2020 4:12 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jyday6/men_shaming_anger_gaslighting_manipulating_down/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-shaming-anger-gaslighting-manipulating-down.332728 https://theredarchive.com/post/332728

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