Hard to believe I first wrote this 12 years ago...

Introduction

Inner-game is a combination of high self-esteem and self-confidence. This is why men who have self-esteem and self-confidence are internally validated. This drives men to not be needy or wussy and to go after what they want in life. This is what's largely under the hood when it comes to being "alpha".

And here's the problem I see with the community: guys can learn to emulate alpha characteristics without developing the inner qualities that actually make men become the alpha cool stoic guys they have the potential to be. Sure, there are some things guys can go out of the box to improve themselves such as good posture, vocalization, fixing their personal hygiene, etc. However, when the deep core beliefs need to change you can't fix that by acting like something you're not.

"Fake it till you make it."

Ultimately faking it is a short-term fix to a long-term problem. Many guys forget that enhancing the other aspects of their lives is necessary. Stop thinking that being good with women will somehow change your life. It won't. Unfortunately for them life doesn't work that way and it's actually the other way around.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen guys "fake it until they make it" only to never actually convert that 3rd down. They might get good with picking up women, but women eventually sniff out they're a fake and lose attraction. Now don't get me wrong, that's great if you're just up for hooking up as you're out the door so quick they're never the wiser. However, if you ever want to really develop yourself as a person you need to get to get off your ass and do things that will give you the life experience to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and give you reasons to be self-assured. Going out "sarging" 4 nights a week won't do this no matter now you slice it. Sure you may have a confidence boost from nailing bar sluts a couple nights a week, but that's only going to take you so far. The best PUA's I've ever seen were complete messes otherwise. Adam Lyons married a single mother, got cheated on by his first wife, and his 3rd is a Russian chick that needed a green card. And don't get me started on Mystery's train wreck of a life.

Again, I'm not saying time in the field is meaningless. I'm saying that it's only one facet of what makes someone the total package. A lot of guys get in the community and think the secret to getting women is spending time in bars and clubs or during the day approaching thousands of women. The truth of the matter is that being proficient with women is only part of the game. If you have the other aspects of your life squared away more often than not you'll find most of your problems with women will resolve themselves on their own. You might have some fine tuning to do, but the big problems guys tend to have starting this process will largely be a thing of the past.

 

Delusions

Furthermore, simply telling yourself (affirmations, hypnosis, etc) or thinking to yourself (meditation) that you're some great guy creates a delusion that you're something better or more than what you really are. It's ultimately a false belief that is shakable and leaves one vulnerable to self-doubt.

Instead of lying to yourself and constantly trying to force the belief that you're a cool alpha guy, what I'm suggesting is that guys get out into the world and live life and do things that will cultivate true alpha qualities; to develop your personality in ways that chasing women never can. Get in the gym, go play a physically demanding sport, go camping, travel, do things that are interesting and give you perspective on life. In other words go out into the world and do "manly" things. That is how you build a masculine persona, which is what most of you chuckleheads are missing.

Don't get me wrong, on a personal level I think it's great if guys can get something from affirmations, meditation, hypnosis, etc. I've just never had much use for that sort of thing. I used to do the positive affirmations and get positive feedback from friends & family when I was younger, but it actually made things worse because I didn't feel as though I deserved the praise. Now I've come to realize that praise (including self-praise such as that from affirmations) without qualification is just blowing smoke up your ass. This is why I don't buy into a lot of new-agey stuff trumpeted around the community.

Based on my life experience I'm much more open to praise backed on practical reasons such as palpable success and results. They have a much more solid impact on my mentality and expectations. Don't get me wrong, if that stuff works for you then more power to you, but it's just not for me. The way I look at it actions (and results) speak far louder than words.

Furthermore, words without action are a meaningless waste of time. Similarly, planning without action is another word for "hope". You can hope things change for the better, or you can take action to make those changes a reality. Action is the operative word here.

What it all comes down to is you have to live life and do things that will turn you into an actual "alpha" male, whereas most guys fake being one, both to others and to themselves. The benefit of true inner-game is that having your head together automatically takes care of a large swath of the outer-game elements guys are currently spending so much time on in the community. This is going to be the new vanguard of pickup, a true "menaissance" if you will. This is what TRP is all about, as I predicted all the way back in 2008.

 

Becoming Alpha

From wikipedia:

Self-esteem: In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of her or his own worth.
Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent/incompetent") and emotions (for example, triumph/despair, pride/shame). Behavior may reflect self-esteem (for example, assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution).

Self-confidence:
The socio-psychological concept of self-confidence relates to self-assuredness in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc., sometimes manifested excessively

Signs of self-confidence:
- A pleasant demeanor
- A cheerful outlook on life
- Satisfaction with one's personal life

There are ways to improve both self-confidence and self-esteem. Looking at my own levels of both I've recognized I'm pretty far along in my development process to having true inner-game. My revelation that made me understand all of this, at least as I currently see things, is the moment I realized I'm a badass worthy dude that's a smashing success. For example, I've accomplished all but two of my life's goals. I'm not perfect, but I'm happy with my success and what I've accomplished in life. That realization is the sort of stuff that bolsters self-confidence and self-esteem. Success in the field can have a similar effect, but it's limited to only making one happy with one aspect of their life, which is to say they're pleased with their skill with women. That's only one piece of the puzzle though and still leaves room for a lot of development.

 

Goals

My first step in developing true inner-game is to create life goals. Create both short, medium, and long term goals. They can be related to game, but they should cover the entire spectrum of your life: women, finances, heath, etc.

The second step is to develop a roadmap and timeframe for how and when you'd like to meet those goals. Focus on the short term goals first starting with the easiest and ending with the most difficult. Rinse and repeat with the medium and long term goals. Now put the list away for awhile and move on to the next step.

 

Character

The third step in developing true inner-game is to do something interesting and fun outside of trying to meet your above goals. Ideally these activities are something that will require conviction and/or courage to complete. My example above was paintball as it has danger and pain elements that are a barrier to entry for many. If that applies to you then something like paintball would be good because getting over those hangups builds character. Martial arts or lifting can be other examples if they're something you've perceived as daunting in the past and have been afraid of starting.

 

Perspective

The fourth step requires a bit of an investment, but it's something I strongly advocate: Travel. You don't have to go to Asia, but going on a trip out of state is a good start. Go camping, go skiing, go somewhere and just get a room at a hotel and meet people in a far away place for a few days. Get to know them and see how life is subtly different there. Learn to appreciate what's special about where you do live and see if you can bring back something from your travels that will enhance your life in some way. Again, this builds character.

 

Getting Physical

The fifth step is where you get your hands dirty. The cool thing is that by doing something physical like playing football, doing martial arts, or simply working out is you'll always get an immediate reward from doing it, which is exercise. Even if your long term goal is to lose 50lbs then you're immediately getting the gratification of working towards your goal. Plus you'll feel better from the exercise.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to build synergy by structuring the phases and steps in a particular way. By getting in shape, guess what that also builds? You guessed it...Character.

 

Conclusion

I really feel for most of the guys out there who don't have the life experience to see things for what they are. Sadly most guys won't understand where I'm coming from until years from now. Only after they live life will they realize that just telling yourself you're a badass will only take you so far.

Furthermore, trying to develop your inner-game through such techniques are a fruitless endeavor IMO as such beliefs are shakeable and ultimately fleeting. And this is the critical aspect so many people miss:

"Belief" and "Knowledge" are completely different things, so make sure you NEVER confuse the two.

If you know you're a badass, because you've done badass things, then you usually don't have to tell yourself shit (affirmations) because you know you are the man. If you constantly have to tell yourself you're a badass then in reality you're just deluding yourself, and that delusion can crack under pressure. Knowledge isn't so flimsy.

 

Final thoughts

To be blunt about it, a lot of guys in the community are lacking manliness. Get out of the house, do shit, have a life. Do that and the pieces of "game" that you're trying to fix will fall into place largely on their own. After going out and actually living life you'll quickly find the inane crap most guys fret about, like worrying about what some woman might think about their approach, can't affect you because of those real life experiences.

Just like steel you will strongest after being tempered in the fires of life.