Hey, brand new account, so this might get flagged. I just wanna talk about HVM vs LVM and how they handle you getting sick. I feel like I'm fairly qualified to speak on this as someone who has chronic illness and pain and was married for 7 years to a LVM. Currently with a high value partner for the first time.

These are some behaviors you can expect from LVM when you are unwell:

Being mad at you for being sick: Acting inconvenienced, sulking, whining. Making little jabs about you always being sick. Eyerolling. Ex: my ex used to consistently get mad at me whenever we were both sick, for having the audacity to get sick at the same time as him so I couldn't wait on him hand and foot. Often rolled his eyes at me and minimized my pain when I was hurt.

Expecting you to pretend you aren't unwell: Expecting you to do whatever you normally do or had planned to do with no interruption or complaining. Being angry if you can't. Not picking up any slack. Pestering you to do things you would normally do without caring that you're sick. Ex: My ex got mad at me when I broke my tailbone because we were hosting a Christmas party that night. Called over his "work wife" who he constantly triangulated me with to "help me" aka guilt me into doing more than I could handle.

Performative caring: Going above and beyond only when someone else is watching or they can brag about it later. Doing bare minimum shit and then leaving you and acting like you're being needy if you need something else. Magnanimously offering to go get you sick supplies, but leaving you alone with your young child while he does that. Ex: Getting you sick supplies but leaving your toddler with you while he goes, heaping them up next to you in bed and then leaving to go play video games and ignore the kid, leaving the kid to come harass you all the time when they need something, acting horrifically put upon when you point this out and ask him to parent his child. This was an every time occurence when I was sick.

These are some behaviors you can expect from a HVM when you are unwell:

Actual caring: Getting you things you need, making sure you don't need anything else, staying nearby in case you do need something else. Ex: I am very sick with a stomach bug today. My boyfriend put two rolls of toilet paper in each bathroom, made me a powdered electrolyte drink with a straw and then crouched next to the couch holding the cup up for me so I could drink it while stroking my hair with his other hand, made me a fresh electrolyte drink when I finished that one.

Actually picking up the slack: Handling your responsibilities and their own. Making sure nothing slips through the cracks. Not complaining about it. Ex: My boyfriend is currently in the next room doing my son's remote learning with him. My son is 4 years old and doing remote kindergarten. He is keeping him out of my hair for anything except hugs. He is happy to do so. I called my ex to come get our son and my boyfriend said "But why, I can just do it with him. It isn't a problem."

This current boyfriend has also walked two miles to get my best friend a Gatorade while she was sleeping when we had drank to much and she slept over, so that she would have one when she woke up with a hangover. Multiple times he has walked to get sick supplies or prescriptions for me, including in rain or snow. We live in the suburbs and he doesn't drive. (Before anyone calls this out as LV, I don't disagree. As of right now he works from home and my son's school is literally around the corner. He has already told me he intends to get his license and a car before my son moves up to middle school which is across town so that he can be available for us in an emergency.)

My ex complained every single time I was unwell or hurt enough to affect his quality of life and consistently made me feel like a burden because I have chronic pain. Even today, he slept through my texts and calls and took 3 hours to get back to me, and is now venting to me looking for sympathy when I'm sick because his dad is in the hospital.

Heed my cautionary tale, ladies. Do not build a life with a LVM. Stay the course and get the kind of partner you deserve. An actual partner.