Preface - arming the nuke:

OYS doesn’t go up until tomorrow, but I have a timely update and would like as much feedback as possible, and bro-hugs if anyone has them in them.

I drafted the OYS below over the weekend, before I found the last piece of the puzzle that ties everything together confirming the affair: my wife’s call/text logs, which are unfortunately inaccessible from the account owner on Google Fi. I had to gain discrete access to my wife’s laptop which has the Google account saved. My wife is 100% having an affair, and doing her best to pretend that everything is good between us, despite popping red flags everywhere. Lately, these have grown to outdoor phone calls (new), and an hour long phone call in a parking lot near our house on Sunday that she omitted from her going-out story, and as I pressed, sidestepped who she was talking to. She texts Chad right in front of me at home/night, and talks to him on her way to/from work and her whole lunch break. The logs confirmed that it was Chad. They’ve had over 40 hours of calls and 89 text messages, all in the two weeks since she returned from her out of town trip. I get the occasional racy pic/video from my wife, which she’s no doubt taking for Chad.

And I know exactly who Chad is.

I had my initial consultation with an attorney today, following my confirmation, and am going to file asap. I will not have her served until I have a job locked down, hopefully in the coming weeks. I’m going to get divorce-raped, hard, because her income is 15% of mine.

In the meantime, I am acting like everything is cool. I’m going to try to cum on her face a few times, but I’m not tipping my hand until papers are served. I already called the bank to ensure that she does not have access to the accounts that hold our savings, and removed her as an authorized user on our joint credit card. My passwords were changed a while back after I noticed my wife’s secrecy. I’m not hiding our money, just mitigating potential damages.

I’ve read a divorce prep guide on MRP, and will dig it up again. If anyone has something to add, please do. I’m in Texas, if it helps. I want primary custody (55/45) because my wife does not know how to run a household, and I want to make the decisions regarding our daughter’s wellbeing. I am fine with our division of our limited assets, and would like to limit alimony as much as possible (maybe a pipe dream).

I’m probably not going to post regularly to OYS while I’m going through separation, but I will be lifting and reading to continue upping my SMV. I didn’t want things to end this way, but the signs have been there for a long time. It’s a huge relief to get confirmation that I’m not a crazy person. It’s also a huge relief that my future experiences with women will be on my terms, with what I’ve learned here. Thanks to the community, contributors, and sidebar book authors.

I think my original OYS draft for tomorrow is worth leaving intact. I’m including it below as a lesson to other men on how deceptive your wife will be while she’s getting plugged by someone else. Trust your gut. If there’s smoke, there’s fire.

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Original OYS #5 (previous):

Stats: Age 37 - 5’9” - 184.4# (-3.4) - together 18 years, married 11, to wife (36) - one child (11).

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP

Reading: MAP, WISNIFG

Partial, parked: TRM, Bigger Leaner Stronger

Physical:

Running StrongLifts 5x5 from the beginning for 4 weeks, accelerated schedule: SQ 150# (+65), BP 115# (+50), BR 95# (+10), OHP 80# (+15), DL 165# (+30). I was severely impatient with the SL 5# progression, so I’m adding 10# each session (+20# to DL) to accelerate the program to my strength. I also increased my SQ and BP +50# on Saturday because I could. I’ll resume 5# steps when I approach my limits. Lifting is fucking theraputic.

I added more recovery time to my 3x8 barbell curls. Working up from 50# to 55#. u/Cam_Winston21 advised me to stop curling every 2 days, so I reduced it to every 4 days with SQ/OHP/DL, and I’ve been able to progressively add weight. I’ve added core work on rest days. I’m still walking daily, and hiking twice a week.

Mental:

I’ve been working on my overthinking (still bad, but improving) and being my own point-of-origin (much better). I was in a pretty rough place early in the week (more on that later), so it wasn’t easy. I’m getting better at recognizing when I’m doing it, and moving myself into something more productive. The things I’m overthinking are those that need to be resolved, so I’m determining what good looks like, setting goals, and working toward them.

It’s really hard for me to let go of the idea that I could be getting cucked, even though I’m not looking for it. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and there’s a lot of smoke. Am I being placated to keep me from sniffing out the truth? I feel a need to know, because I don’t want to continue dedicating time/energy/resources being married to someone willing to do that. If it isn’t true, I’m still dedicating time/energy/resources to someone who doesn’t satisfy me. There is no chance of coming back from the former, but the latter deserves my effort before I make an irreversible decision. So I stay the course. I reset every day.

My ego has been a barrier for me. This is probably from having been very successful with what I would consider to be a moderate amount of effort. I have taken some failures pretty hard in the past, and my ego then inhibits my growth. I am using the reality that I’m not where I want to be in life to dissolve my ego and better harness that feedback loop.

Social:

I hiked with my close friend, and we got into the weeds regarding my home life and what his divorce from his first wife looked like for him. One of the strong looking lawyers I’d researched on my own is the same one he used and recommends. They sound like ninjas compared to some others I’ve looked into. I reached out to them, and am going to go through with a consultation. If I don’t need them, great, but if I do, I’ve established the relationship.

Relationship:

One of my wife’s relatives suddenly fell ill and passed away last week. I offered support and comfort, and was mostly pushed away. It was hurtful, but it wasn’t my situation to be in pain over. I kept calm. I spent a few evenings reading in bed while my wife stayed as distracted as possible to avoid crying. I suggested leaning into the feelings rather than trying to avoid them, and gave space and privacy to grieve. I got a few apologies and was told that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I started seeing a return to normal in the days following the passing (acceptance), and we started becoming affectionate and playful again.

I’ve been told a few times recently “I feel like a bad mom/wife,” and have shrugged or STFU in response. I think it’s time for me to establish boundaries, by pressing for why, and confirming that it is unattractive behavior, and that I expect better. I think that would be effective in overtly disapproving the behavior, and implying the consequence. It’s less aggressive than just tossing disapproval grenades around, and with enough authentic praise for good behavior, I can avoid becoming a disapproval minefield.

I’ve never been assertive in our relationship - doormat nice guy. As my confidence increases, I’m finding it easy to say no, or to ask my wife to do things for me. It should come as no huge surprise that my reasonable requests are gladly fulfilled. Where a get a huge boner out of it though, is when the response is a playfully submissive “did I do good?” with batted eyes, or “yes sir!” I really want to encourage and have fun with this - it’s sexy as fuck.

I woke up early Saturday, and went to read on the couch. I’m usually up first and make our coffee in the morning, but I felt like having fun. When I heard my wife get up and head to the bathroom, I texted asking her to make us some coffee, bring mine to me, wiggle her booty, plant a kiss, and sit with me. I received full service with a smile. We had a morning family hike, grabbed food, and while I was getting my lifts in, my wife was getting ready to go hit wineries with a female friend for the afternoon/evening. I got a nice goodbye kiss while I was still lifting in the garage and jamming metal, which seemed to be a turn-on.

We haven’t had sex for a week or so with the unfortunate passing and shark week starting, but with the heavy mood lifting, I don’t want to appear politely unhorny during shark week. I had a pretty impressive hard-on due to some Instagram surfing after my lifts, so I hopped in bed naked and snapped a mighty fine dick pic. I didn’t know how or when I was going to send it; I haven’t sent one before. I’ve received nudes, so it seemed like fair game.

Me - Hey

W - Hey what’s up?

Me - Do you want to know what’s up?

W - Haha quit being dirty lmfao

Me - [throbbing_dong.jpg]

W - Omgggg!

Me - 💋

Dropped like a bomb right at the start of girls night.

Family:

My last family section was a big back-patting session for myself, so I decided to work harder. I’m focusing on improving my daughter’s autonomy and ownership with school. I’ve started extracting myself from the school day by being more directive and less hands-on. I’m not going to spend my energy pushing work completion, but I’m available for help when asked. I’m making incremental changes to set a new tone, and it has worked very well so far. This is going to be crucial after I return to work, as I won’t have the time to oversee the school day like I have been.

Career:

I’m currently a candidate with two companies. I interviewed with a startup that sounds like they can give me what I want, and has really stellar benefits, impressive advisory board, and solid capital. While this opportunity will be outside of my comfort zone for a while, it’s starting to feel like the stronger move, and I can afford the risk. My first round interview went incredibly well, and the second round interview is this week. The other active opportunity would be a return to my prior job, which pays extremely well and has great benefits. That interview is scheduled for next week. Either opportunity would be a huge win.

Mission:

Live my life for myself, and share it with others whose company I enjoy. Be fun. Remain committed to self-improvement. Enjoy work, challenge others, and constantly evaluate myself. Take risks. Enjoy the world; be adventurous. Lead my family from a place of strength, warmth, and security.