Friends are cool to me one-on-one, but it seems like when the group is together I’m singled out and picked on more than the others. What’s the issue?

redhawkes · 2020-02-26T00:59:26+00:00

[deleted]

throwawaycunt1997 · 2020-02-26T00:54:22+00:00

You're being shit tested. Shit tests aren't exclusive from just women.

The possible reasons why you're being picked on:

You're the lowest in value amongst the group. This is the most likely reason.
You dish out a lot of shit tests to your friends when you're in a group, and they're throwing some back. Usual male behaviour, it's natures way of determining the alpha male.
You've outgrown your group in terms of value and they subconsciously want to claw you back to their level of value. Crabs in a bucket mentality.
Your personal ethics don't match the groups ethics. Internalising the red pill means you will be less compatible with blue pilled men.

If I were you, I would disassociate with this group and work on myself, then, depending if this group has any significant value to me, come back at a later date.

Blue-Raft · 2020-02-26T00:23:17+00:00

I’m guilty of doing this to one of my old friends myself. It’s really a lack of respect, they don’t take your seriously, could be for any reason.

grkfx · 2020-02-26T00:35:22+00:00

Called getting bloomberged

SpinPlates · 2020-02-26T01:32:14+00:00

Natrual hierarchy.

Honestly it's better to be on the bottom than on top. You never want to be the best in the room. If you're on top hanging with a bunch of losers you're just sitting stagnant.

Learn from your buddies and improve.

lolstylez · 2020-02-26T02:16:01+00:00

A lot of words come out of the mouths of people who won’t impact your life in the long run. Do you.

How do you see yourself in your circle of friends? Pay attention to yourself. Maybe they enjoy how you react. It’s all fun and games until you decide otherwise.

TRTatTwentyThree · 2020-02-26T01:42:20+00:00

Op I used to have this exact problem. Long time friend and current gf who also am close with before they dated kept taking shots at me far too often on a group trip we were on. While not a problem in itself and definitely their way of joking around I was bp at the time, sensitive, and finally ended up blowing up at them. And of course I regret it.

The best thing in that circumstance is to agree and amplify. And give it back to them but do not be too reactive. This is likely a subliminal power move by them in order to feel “above you” or “more powerful.” Do not give them that opportunity and also discredit their jokes towards you with sarcasm. This shows you are strong and can stand up for yourself as well as are unbothered by their bullshit.

NabroleonBonaparte · 2020-02-26T01:55:26+00:00

I’m spending all my time deflecting their comments.

This tells me that you probably get offended easily and they can tell.

Men are wired to snuff that out and attack.

i-am-the-prize · 2020-02-26T03:40:37+00:00

because they talk about you behind your back.

one on one, you're cool with them, b/c they're only with you.

when it's a group, they recall the names/insults and you're an easy target it seems.

I hate to say it, but it may be too late, why?

1) the best time to deal with an amog'ing or put down (male shittest) is immediately, not later, not after days/months of habit building and them seeing you deer in headlights (non responsive)

2) the best way to deal with a male shittest is a pressure flip or AM, be careful with A&A as it seems to work better with women than men (search this has been discussed many many times).

Look, beyond male shittets being used to determine the pecking order, they can be abused/mis-used/overused by weak (low self esteem) men who put down others to raise themselves up. We all know them, or knew them. They are losers who can never be truly happy for others doing well. They think life is a zero sum game (others must -1 for them to +1). These types of people are toxic, get rid of them. Is your whole group like that? likely not, but all it takes is 1 or 2 and a strong Frame and they will sway the group. So you need a Frame to beat theirs, again may be too late, but work on your pressure flips and AM, or find new friends, or stay the doormat.

2020-02-26T06:38:36+00:00

I rip into any boy who doesn't have thick skin.

Unless, I think the guy is completely lost, then I treat him like a sensitive fat chick.

So I would take it as a compliment they still give you shit.

thrwy75479 · 2020-02-26T05:56:44+00:00

What kind of remarks are they making?

Sad_Sleeper · 2020-02-26T08:29:23+00:00

They don't respect you, i am 100% sure they talk shit behind your back. At least that is my experience ftom my old friend group, that i hard nexted.

Raurigh · 2020-02-26T12:14:34+00:00

As others have said, you're either the strongest in the group and the biggest intrasexual threat, or you're the runt.

A little honest introspection and it should be easy to tell which one, though I will admit it's more common that you're picked on because they're weak, not because you are.

If you're the strong one, amused mastery and pick back. Don't tolerate brazen disrespect.

If you think you're weak, work on that. If they're your friends, they'll help you with that.

Youngyoda89 · 2020-02-26T14:19:19+00:00

They’re probably just teasing you and you’re being a pussy ab it. Thinking back, I was never that guy that you describe yourself as. I was the leader of my friends group growing up. We would give some guys hard times and clown em but we genuinely liked the guys. It wasn’t a serious insult.

wyota · 2020-02-26T16:15:41+00:00

If your group of friends has a punching bag, or someone that consistently gets less respect than the rest of the group, LEAVE that group even if you're not the one who's the target. You might take awhile to find another friend group, but in the end it will he better for your own mental health if you aren't constantly around all that negativity. Again, even if you aren't the punching bag, those type of "friend" groups tend to fall apart and turn on each other because clearly a lot of them are insecure or resentful. This is the best advice I can give, hope it helps.

Sylvester_Sterone · 2020-02-26T21:09:21+00:00

Pecking order my man

theUnBannableHulk · 2020-02-26T04:42:24+00:00

You’re the bitch of your group.

Ditch them or beat a few of them up that’s the only way you’ll climb up

Title	Friends are cool to me one-on-one, but it seems like when the group is together I’m singled out and picked on more than the others. What’s the issue?
Author	myroommateisasian
Upvotes	3
Comments	27
Date	February 26, 2020 12:13 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/f9k4bj/friends_are_cool_to_me_oneonone_but_it_seems_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/friends-are-cool-to-me-one-on-one-but-it-seems.340478 https://theredarchive.com/post/340478

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