Autism, TRP and alternatives

gjosmith · 2020-03-15T03:53:00+00:00

When I stopped masking, I also stopped dating... not by choice. (I'm also autistic.) Comes down to a simple question - is it worth having a relationship if the requirement is to spend the rest of your life in character?

For me, the answer is No. A relationship is not worth having if that means spending my life pretending to be someone else. While I'd love to find someone where I didn't need to mask.... that's not a realistic possibility.

Also, as you get older, it will get harder to mask. It's draining. Being forced to do it, also, can make you intensely bitter toward those who won't ever accept you as you are.

As an autistic, the odds are intensely stacked against you in this arena. Consider focusing on the other areas of your life that you find fulfilling... and do your best to let this go. You may get lucky in the future, but you're better off devoting yourself to areas of your life that can potentially be fruitful. And learn to enjoy the quiet.

I realize this isn't the answer you want. The first 3 years are the hardest, but it gets easier after that.

flowbender · 2020-03-15T02:52:25+00:00

Out of curiosity, what are your special interests and what is your amused mastery?

It all depends on what you want.. a tinder hookup? A potential ltr? I believe for genuine connection there has to be a high level of authenticity. Just my 2 cents

RobotAmerican · 2020-03-14T23:56:16+00:00

Think of a well-known aspergian man who is married. I can think of a few, some of whom were known to be quite antisocial or off-putting in their youth. Do you think they were acting according to TRP? What do you think they did?

WatchOutItsAFeminist · 2020-03-15T02:52:31+00:00

What are your specialized interests? Do you go to groups that are related to them? Have you tried talking to women there? It can help to bond over a common interest, so long as you allow room for the other person to talk about it too.

Also, please don't say "get your dick wet." It's gross and dehumanizing.

superstar94b · 2020-03-15T05:03:51+00:00

The reason why the women won't date you when you're not masking is because they have genuine issues with the vibe you're giving off when... you're not masking. You don't need to put on a "Red Pill Persona" to fix that. You can take positive elements from the Red Pill, the Yellow Pill or whatever works for you, and you can incorporate those elements into your personality.

I like software engineering. I program around 80 hours a week. I'm obsessed with algorithms. Hell, i'm probably on the spectrum. And guess what? I'm not going to tell a woman any of that shit when I first meet her because she does not care. If I go on about a bunch of complex things about myself when I first meet her, she's going to be lost. That is off-putting to many women you might want to date in the future.

If there are some positive basic social skills that you gained from the Red Pill (or any source), continue to use them if they get you positive results and don't hurt anyone. Also, at some point incorporate those skills into your REAL PERSONALITY so that they become part of you. I used to be shy for example. 20 years I go I made it a point to not be shy and virtually at least say hello and smile genuinely regularly. Now, i'm actually not shy. Being outgoing actually became part of my personality and i'm not putting on an act. I had to actually change. That's what you'll need to do is make a genuine change to be more outgoing and develop the social skills you need to attract women. After a while, it will not feel like an "act" or "persona" if you develop your skills in a way in which you're projecting what you want to project, but in a sociable way.

On this thread, we don't knock the Red Pill for situations like yours in which you're just trying to learn how to interact with women in a better way socially. Hell, I wouldn't even consider that to be "Red Pill" lol, but that's just called "being a person". We knock the Red Pill for its' toxic aspects, hatred towards women, and a host of other disturbing aspects of it. What you're seeking with basic social skills is actually one of the few good aspects of the Red Pill at times.

quickbucket · 2020-03-15T17:23:23+00:00

What you're calling "masking" is just normal behavior in a functional relationship. I'm on the spectrum too and it does take more self control not to drive people crazy with my special interests, but ultimately most people share this struggle to some degree.

You don need to "be red pill" to benefit from some of their better advice.

2020-03-15T09:28:49+00:00

Learn an instrument, get some fun, exciting hobbies etc etc...Stuff you want to do. If you're a fun person to be around, people will gravitate towards you. There's some truth to the things TRP say, but it's not really necessary to script conversations and be an asshole. I mean it's pretty draining anyway and hardly worth the effort with that considered. Say what you mean and mean what you say, far more fulfilling overall.

It's a pretty difficult thing to answer though overall. The way I see it is groups like TRP give polarized information and can get you some results sure, but you won't be happy with yourself (since you'll be wearing a mask all the time anyway) and a serious relationship probably won't work very well. Answers come in the form of nuance.

flatline2020 · 2020-03-19T06:57:48+00:00

Be you, brother. Be you.

Wearing a mask is so incredibly exhausting. I rather be single and sex-less for the rest of my life if it means I would have to be a fraud.

My hobbies and interests are my life force. My goals and dreams are my motivations. My imperfections make my humanity.

But there are quirky, goofy, authentic, strange, original women everywhere of all different types. Everything is infinite and undefinable. We can't and don't fit in boxes so why try to live that way?

cutezie · 2020-03-15T04:38:29+00:00

There are a lot of high-functioning people with autism who manage to succeed socially, have families, have happy lives.

They don’t get there by being assholes, which is what TRP boils down to, being a selfish prick.

Don’t do that to yourself, you will deny yourself so many wonderful opportunities for a loving, happy relationship with a kind person.

Rethink everything your doing and your ideas about your condition, get extra support and seek out the wisdom and advise of others who have had to meet those challenges.

CptConfused · 2020-03-15T10:32:48+00:00

Is there anyway you can feel authentically yourself and be good with women? I think there has to be? What are your interests in life? What are your goals? What do you wanna be in a few years time? If you focus on that then the girls will come. I suggest reading a book called Models by Mark Manson, all of his books are good

oasie · 2020-03-24T18:21:39+00:00

Ok I'm sorry but you're still carrying jargon from TRP and it's doing you no favors.

"masking / incel / virtually no women"

Here's a sentence without those buzzwords.

Dating is hard. All people adjust their personality to date successfully. It sounds like you may have to work especially hard on being assertive, having boundaries and standards. I did not overlook the fact that you have autism. Believe it or not, women also work in-depth on their confidence and social skills in order to succeed at both casual and serious dating.

Title	Autism, TRP and alternatives
Author	rijnaway
Upvotes	15
Comments	34
Date	March 14, 2020 10:11 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/fiqkkw/autism_trp_and_alternatives/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/autism-trp-and-alternatives.355321 https://theredarchive.com/post/355321

Comments