Seeking Godly Counsel 1/2

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January 22, 2020
3 upvotes

Mission: Still in the works. -- God recently revealed to me that I'm called to be a pastor in another country. -- still seeking his face on the ins and outs of this. He called me to be a pastor early in my walk, but now with the addition of learning a new language, my time will mostly be dedicated to the theological study/language aquisition in preparation for this move. In the waiting period(Midian years), I am devoted to evangelism within my community.

Stats: Age: 26, body fat: 17%, height: 6'2" weight: 190, lifts: 6 days a week. Bench-200 Squat-220 6 minute mile Not too out of shape, but just getting back into lifting

Reading: sidebar in PDF, Its good to be a Man podcast, one new book a week.

Finances: Upper Elementary Teacher. 50k, in debt 70k student loans. Having them paid off in next 5 years.

Spiritual: Saved on June 24th 2017, pray through the Psalms everyday, have quiet times everyday, read scripture everyday, share my faith once a week, memorize Scripture: 0, involved in youth ministries at church. Involved in men's bible study, writing sermons on my own.

First, I would just like to thank u/Red-Curious, u/osmiumZulu, u/Deep_Strength u/rocknrollchuck for the dedication and care you have pumped into these subs. The light of Christ shines through every post I see from you guys. You truly have blessed me.

Although I've been lurking here for roughly a month, today was a pretty tough day, which is the reason for the post. I hope to find encouragment and advice for the following words.

Background:

2 and 1/2 months ago I asked out a fellow co-worker (27f). I approached, we talked about our faith then I asked to go grab some coffee. She obliged and the date went ok. There are a number of factors that contributed to the mediocrity of the date:

-I approached this girl and asked her out with the intention of marriage.(first seed of Onenitis)

-I approached the date as trying to impress her, so as to convince her to go on more dates with me.

-I approached the date as trying to be her friend, which created a semi-deadend sexual attraction for the rest of the relationship.

On the third date we both wanted to pursue something more and agreed to keep seeing each other(I came off extremely beta during this conversation).

Fast forward 10+ dates of myself planning everything, taking her out and paying for the majority of everything, I was starting to wonder if all this was the correct way of doing things. I remember standing in a bookstore and asking God to lead me to a book that could just give me some guidance. He directed me to the Rational Male.


Post Information
Title Seeking Godly Counsel 1/2
Author Continuous-Metanoia
Upvotes 3
Comments 20
Date 22 January 2020 11:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/356405
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/eskjq8/seeking_godly_counsel_12/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betalift
Comments

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

2/2

After combing through hours upon hours of online content, much of which I had to throw out for its detestable solutions to a very real problem, I stumbled upon this sub-reddit.

After scouring each thread, I realized the biggest issue in the relationship I had with this girl was the lack of my mission. She became the mission, while I sat in the dark as to what more God could want out of my life. In fact, I was doing mental gymnastics in my head in planning about my future around this girl. "If I save this much money, then we can get married in 10 months, Maybe I don't need to go to seminary after all." (I know, pathetic)

About 2 weeks ago, she stopped reaching out to me. I called her to schedule another date aaaaand nothing. Ghosted.

Around this time, I remember being in my room and breaking down in sobs and asking God to reveal to me my specific mission, which He then so graciously and abundantly answered the next day. He also corroborated this call through His word, spoken by a church member who had no idea God had just revealed this to me. It was a sacred moment that I'll never forget.

I've really woken up in the past month to a lot of RP ideas and have tried to internalize the sidebar. However, it was too little too late in regards to this relationship. Her attraction for me died. It's my belief that God walked me through this experience so he could bring me to a place of pleading desperation for a mission. I'm so thankful I have one now. It has revolutionized the way I spend my time and investment.

But man does this situation still rip my heart apart. Thankfully due to all the RP content I've been consuming, I made the decision not to pursue any further. I spoke to this girl for the first time today since she ghosted and I stumbled around in her frame. I walked away in anger and humiliation. Idolatry has taken its toll on my conscience and it is a very painful thing to have ripped away. Especially daily, when at any moment I could be face to face with her.

Again, just looking for advice and encouragement(perhaps some action steps).

[–]hopeunseen1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think you've already figured out most of what you need to know. You put this girl on a pedestal, acted like a beta loser, and so you pushed her away. Now you know what to work on and what to do differently next time.

Here's the deal though: You were in a short term relationship with this chick... 10 dates over the course of what... Like 2-3 months I'm assuming? And yet you're on here sobbing about how wrecked you are over losing her.

I don't mean this to tear you down, but to point out something important:

You think you've taken the red pill, but you clearly haven't.

You've become aware of the RP, you've read some of the basic strat, but your actual mindset and frame are still 100% bluepill, or you wouldn't be so focused on this.

Here is some encouraging reality:

1) This girl is one of 3.5 billion others who are 90% exactly the same as her. You're so broken because in your mind you're still viewing her like the magical fairytale unicorn who you can never replace - When in reality, she is statistically average. There are a million hotter, funnier, more easy going, smarter etc girls out there - And the beauty of RP when you're still single is you have the chance to develop the skills that will give you access to a FAR higher quality girl in the future than this one you managed to lasso as a BP dude.

2) You've learned some amazing lessons and grown as a result. Imagine if she had stayed with you, you'd continued in your blue pill ways, and wound up a year from now in a r/DeadBedrooms forum... Or maybe you wound up finding RPC, but now you're stuck. As it is, you're WAY better off without this girl than with her.

I know what it's like to be where you are right now. The feelz are real and they suck, but trust me - If you take this and pour into improving yourself and really following your map, you'll look back on this as the best thing that ever happened to you.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I appreciate the response! To quote my words exactly: "I've woken up to a lot of RP ideas". I agree with you that I'm still living in a BP frame.

I actually did some research on what it means to have fully swallowed the pill, but came up empty handed.

I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this. How will I know when I've been fully redpilled, so to speak? How long do you think that process takes?

[–]hopeunseen1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Np I'm still very much on the journey myself. I think the answer is going to depend on your unique situation, upbringing etc... How blue pilled you were beforehand, and whether or not you actually start applying or just lurk on the forums and read. There are LOTS of people who learn everything there is but never take action so they never see results... This is true in every area of life, not just RP

This is just speculating, but I think the transition shifts from "aware" to actually red pill once your actions and your real life line up with with what you say you believe and understand in your head.

Say you're red pill but still place women on a pedestal? You're not red pill. Say you're red pill but let other people take responsibility for your life? You're not red pill. Say you're red pill but you're all broken up when you're rejected? You're not red pill. etc.

The degree of incongruence between what you believe and what you actually LIVE is the amount of distance you still have left to cover. How long it takes is up to you - The Israelites made a 2 week trip into a 40 year journey... Don't let that be you when it comes to taking ownership of your life

This is me speaking to myself just as much as it is to you ;)

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a very succinct reply. Thank you.

This verse came to mind as I was reading: "Jesus replied, 'But even more blessed are all who hear the word of God and put it into practice.'"

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I approached this girl and asked her out with the intention of marriage.

Nothing wrong with this.

I approached the date as trying to impress her, so as to convince her to go on more dates with me.

You're starting to get into the danger zone. This pretty much never works, unless you have a good wingman or you're famous or something like that.

I approached the date as trying to be her friend, which created a semi-deadend sexual attraction for the rest of the relationship.

Ya fell off a cliff.

I've really woken up in the past month to a lot of RP ideas and have tried to internalize the sidebar. However, it was too little too late in regards to this relationship. Her attraction for me died. It's my belief that God walked me through this experience so he could bring me to a place of pleading desperation for a mission. I'm so thankful I have one now. It has revolutionized the way I spend my time and investment.

A good lesson. Don't put women on a pedestal.

But man does this situation still rip my heart apart. Thankfully due to all the RP content I've been consuming, I made the decision not to pursue any further. I spoke to this girl for the first time today since she ghosted and I stumbled around in her frame. I walked away in anger and humiliation. Idolatry has taken its toll on my conscience and it is a very painful thing to have ripped away. Especially daily, when at any moment I could be face to face with her.

The only way you can be in her frame is if your fear of women is greater than your fear of God. Why worry? She's not going to be your wife. She's just another woman who you'll forget about in a few months or few years if you switch jobs.

Again, just looking for advice and encouragement(perhaps some action steps).

Being able to handle uncomfortable situations is the hallmark of a good leader. You're going to have conflict in this life whether with family, friends, coworkers, and yes even your future wife and children.

The faster you learn to embrace tough and embarrassing and difficult situations especially focusing on God's mission in them (this is the key!) then you'll learn how to deal with them much easier. And it especially helps when any men and women get emotional.

So for instance an actionable step may be instead of thinking about yourself and being in her frame or whatever,.. since you're called to be a pastor how can you minister to her and make sure she's doing well in her walk with God.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So for instance an actionable step may be instead of thinking about yourself and being in her frame or whatever,.. since you're called to be a pastor how can you minister to her and make sure she's doing well in her walk with God.

Thank you for this! This was actually the solution I landed upon when thinking about a different approach if I were to see her again. It is immensely helpful to have this reaffirmed by an outside voice.

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is immensely helpful to have this reaffirmed by an outside voice.

Great :)

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Spiritual: Saved on June 24th 2017

Amen!

I've really woken up in the past month to a lot of RP ideas and have tried to internalize the sidebar. However, it was too little too late in regards to this relationship. Her attraction for me died. It's my belief that God walked me through this experience so he could bring me to a place of pleading desperation for a mission. I'm so thankful I have one now. It has revolutionized the way I spend my time and investment.

Wow, this is definitely God helping you get in the right place to find your Mission. Painful now, I know, but it will pay off later. You've been given a gift whether you realize it or not.

God recently revealed to me that I'm called to be a pastor in another country. -- still seeking his face on the ins and outs of this. He called me to be a pastor early in my walk, but now with the addition of learning a new language, my time will mostly be dedicated to the theological study/language aquisition in preparation for this move. In the waiting period(Midian years), I am devoted to evangelism within my community.

Again, just looking for advice and encouragement(perhaps some action steps).

Ok, here's my advice: read your Bible, learn the principles, grow in your walk with the Lord through prayer, Bible reading, learning, sharing the Gospel, and reading the Sidebar and posts here. Don't worry about a relationship right now, just focus on your Mission.

What's your Mission? Being a pastor in a foreign country. Learn what a pastor does, the challenges they face, and how to successfully empower men and women in their relationships with the Lord. You're already learning a lot here, and that info will serve you well as you move into your Mission. PM u/Red-Curious for his book on discipleship and read it too.

As far as a relationship, just realize that you will likely meet your wife while you are engaged in your Mission. Don't worry about it for now, put your efforts into preparing for life as a pastor instead. When you are there living and fulfilling it, she will find you. Because the Lord is faithful.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok, here's my advice: read your Bible, learn the principles, grow in your walk with the Lord through prayer, Bible reading, learning, sharing the Gospel, and reading the Sidebar and posts here. Don't worry about a relationship right now, just focus on your Mission.

This kind of thinking is so brand new to me, however, this is the direction I know God is calling me towards. My life orientation seems completely different compared to a month ago. Praise God for this subbredit!

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

A few quick tips:

  • A man with an abundance mentality will never be hurt and "sobbing" when relationships end.

  • Shift from a sniper approach to a shotgun approach to inviting women into your life. The invitation doesn't have to be for the purpose of dating. But having a broader social network, including of women, does help with not only dating, but virtually everything else you'll need for your mission also. If you want to go overseas, how do you think you'll get funding with no social support system? How do you think you'll find people who can teach and train you? How do you think you'll practice for ministering overseas if you don't have a network of people to practice with now? How do you think you'll find a partner?

  • Memorize Galatians 1:10 and recite it to yourself 5 times a day (at least an hour apart each time) for the next 30 days.

Update us when you've worked on these things.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Will do! Already started checking out some of your posts on growing a social network.

[–]hopeunseen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the truth.

[–]Praexology0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How recently did he reveal the whole "leave for another country" thing? Are we talking shortly after this girl dumped you or even before?

Tread carefully and cloak your walk in prayer, admittedly this post comes off as someone trying to seem confident after they were literally just borderline groveling for a girls attention.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate the caution.

[–]DoersOfTheWord0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Side note: you'll pick up any language much faster while being there because you'll have to use it in an immersive environment. And you'll likely already be learning Koine Greek in seminary. So don't focus on that too much.

[–]UpTanks0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I walked away in anger and humiliation.

Pretty simple issues with simple solutions here. So don't think "oh I have so much to work on". Honestly bro, you are physically in decent shape, you have a job (cannot stress how underrated that is), you are reading RP material and most importantly you have faith in God with a personal mission given directly to you.

Relationships and dating etc are not the all-mighty all-confusing things that (mostly single) people seem to think they are. Living with purpose surrounded by awesome like-minded people is a life everyone chases but few ever find. So don't forget how blessed you already are (hint: top 1% of the world in terms of wealth). And if you happen to meet someone that you actually like and vibe with - now you know how to properly pursue that relationship.

God bless you in your awesome mission man

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, this very encouraging to read.

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Do you even like this girl? I mean, will you miss your conversations and the time you spent with her? Or is your pride hurt because she rejected you?

[–]Continuous-Metanoia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes to both.



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