Help! About to have a breakdown.

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March 28, 2020

Im a paramedic at a major hospital and is a primary covid testing center. This pandemic is wearing me thin. At first I've delt with it quite well. I've been keeping my family and my LTR grounded as there has been a lot of hysteria and they all are looking at me for guidance.

But this shit getting worse. 2 of my ER docs were just intubated. 2 of my friends tested positive. I've seen the worst of this virus. Just now I cried outside the ER. I don't know how much longer I can hold it together!! I'm trying to be strong for my family and LTR. Help!

Edit: don't know what I was looking for with this post. Just needed to vent to someone. I actually feel better. Covid is no joke! Stay the fuck home!

Edit 2: Reading through all your comments I've been crying my eyes out. I needed to deflate! I've been stoic throughout this ordeal and no one has seen my pain. But stoicism can take me so far. This was very therapeutic for me. Crying "in front men" who I've never met, but i ironically trust. Thank you for this. This pandemic is very real, I honestly feel at this point it about the survival of the fittest. Stay healthy, don't smoke, and keep your distance. This is going to take months before it settles. I'm going to continue to do what I do until this is over. Stay safe my friends!

Post Information
Title Help! About to have a breakdown.
Author jackblack382
Upvotes 296
Comments 81
Date 28 March 2020 09:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship

[–]Zombiespire339 points340 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hard times create strong men. Keep fighting bro, you have a purpose in this disaster story.

[–]skate0rdie45 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate and admire the encouragement from the commenters. OP, people depend on us, don't let them down. Especially ourselves.

[–]jackandjill224 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Unlikely_Composer340 points341 points  (8 children) | Copy

You have perhaps one of the hardest jobs of all right now: being a man in the face of overwhelming odds and the very real prospect of death.

You’re in the crucible now, if you must break then break into a weapon and become stronger.

Like it or not, people are counting on you, it’s time to be a man.

Every single second you’ve ever spent growing up has led to this moment. Every scraped knee, every time you fell of your bike, every time you lost a tooth, every time you went to bed despite the monsters in the closet, every failed test, every rejection, every heart break, every loss of a loved one, every time you’ve held back tears to be strong for someone else.

It’s all led you here. It’s time to step up and become a man.

We are all here to help you in your struggle, man to man.

Get out there and save lives.

[–]thatcoolguy519044 points45 points  (1 child) | Copy

This was written fuckin' spectacularly. Got goosebumps reading it.

[–]MagicPiper3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Username checks out

[–]MysticalMike19908 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read this in Jocko Willink's voice

[–]jackandjill229 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a good one.

[–]Diche_Bach4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]sehns4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck that stepping up and being a man bullshit. Isn't it convenient that when society wants something from you its about 'stepping up' but the rest of the time its "fuck you you're making just above minimum wage."

If it was me being over worked, put at risk and under-appreciated i'd peace out and go work in tech and start my own business or something. Theres no point being valiant or honorable in society anymore, it doesn't reward it. The only thing that matters these days is financial independence. I guarantee you what OP is getting paid is less than what some asshole sociopath banker makes.

[–]BruhMoment4588669 points70 points  (8 children) | Copy

We all want you to know that we are beyond grateful for your efforts and you are doing a very great thing.

Most guys dont have a purpose as great as yours. When this is over you'll know that you helped stop the US's only second pandemic in history.

Stay strong for us. You're a true man.

[–]cphpc45 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy

This test will define you. Either you break or you come out of this stronger. Like every war, there are people in the front lines battling. Keep strong and best of luck.

[–]TRP_Scepter28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

Strong men are only born through struggles. This is your struggle. You're plenty strong already but you're destined to become even stronger.

Godspeed, and thank you for what you're doing.

[–]1rad_dynamic2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


You must die and then you are reborn brighter.

The dragon is massive. But know you will slay it, head down, keep pushing on.

[–]0kool7417 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

COVID-19 is going to fundamentally change human psychology. Just like WWII was for the 20th century, it will be the 21st century’s embodiment of separating the wheat from the chaff. It is going to be especially bad in the US because of American complacency.

Some will fold and die. Some will fold and be forever weak. Some will be altered into something better than they were when it began. YOU are being tested! YOU have the strength as evidenced by what you’ve written that you can overcome this.

Stay strong and always know that we are here to help in any way that we can.

[–]jackandjill224 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

American complacency seems to be the source of many of our woes.

[–]0kool743 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Truer words have never been spoken that much is certain

[–]blueroomb12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have my will behind you, you don’t deserve to shoulder all these burdens. No matter what happens I thank you for being strong for me, and others. You deserve better MAN, and you have my support.

[–]PinacoladaSauce22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

something that gets over looked on this community is knowing your why. why you are making the decisions you are. you have to dig deep. you have to know why you’re doing this. do it for your friends. for your family. for your doctors who were intubated. they need you NOW. they NEED you now. more than ever. they are counting on you.

are you going to rise?

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't let this break your frame. Be stoic.

Think of the bright future that you will have once you push through this.

[–]SherbetMind10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will not fear.
Fear is the mind killer.

You will face your fear.
You will let it pass through you.

When the fear has gone,
there shall be nothing.

Only you will remain.

[–]opie11224 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

As you witnessed yourself, The situation is bad. We might not be back to our normal lives for a while. We haven't seen anything like this in modern history since the Spanish flu. You're in our front lines with all of our health care professionals out their, and there isn't any amount of training that could have prepared anyone for a pandemic as big as this one. You're absolutely within your right to be overwhelmed under these circumstances.

I hope you know that each and every one of us is honored to have you, as well as every single person working in the health care profession during this pandemic. Without you all, the number of non-recovering cases would be catastrophic compared to where we are now. Remember, you aren't some apathetic machine that was made for a situation like this. You're human just like everyone else.

Just know that as many "stoic" or "alpha" wanna be "I'm not scared of some flu" jokers their are out their, I'm positive none of them would be brave enough to do what you're out here doing. You're an alpha amongst us, and even the strongest of men need a breather during times of stress. Know that we all appreciate you dearly, I wish you good health and hope only good things to come your way. Keep strong, stay safe, keep us posted. Thanks for your hard work.

[–]Owenthecoop4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just posted on the sub asking for advice about some stupid shit about guarding my reputation. I read this and I went to delete it realizing how dumb my problem is. You have a truly heroic task in front of you. I hope one day to have the same opportunity.

Best of luck, you are a hero.

[–]Gtrplyr38385 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are human. You also have a job to do. Let your guard down when it’s appropriate. Then recharge and do what you must do. As long as you are not breaking down when you should be doing your job, you will be ok. Thank you for what you are doing.

[–]_DonDraper_2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Think of it as your mission, there certainly must be some sense of pride in doing what you're doing. And get your motivation by thinking how inspiring it would be to step up to this challenge vs. giving up. Not to mention that you'll feel better prepared to tackle most obstacles that will come in your future, they'll seem like pieces of cake.

[–]Kratz1772 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be honest with yourself.

If you think its too much to handle then don't continue. Soldiers have been discharged before when the stress got to them and instead, of being helpful they ended up making things worst for themselves and others.

However, if you strongly believe in the cause that you have to accept that bad consequences could happen and still move forward. Have emotional support from parents, friends and love ones to keep you going.

[–]rockstarsheep2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Moment to moment, day by day. You’re doing a job that most people don’t have the balls to do. It’s rare breed that walks in the shadow of death, in order to serve others.

There’s always more in the tank, but you have to take time, to take stock. Find a way to release your tension. Let it out. And when in doubt, remember those who sacrificed with you. If it gets too much; cycle out. Refresh and reload. Just take care. Thank you for who you are, and what you do.

[–]Thatjuansailor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep going hard bro. Also, thank you for your service.

[–]oreosandmilf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolute respect for you brother. This great challenge will only make you a better man out of it; I hope you know how important your service is to your community, and I hope that can give you the strength to keep going. Thank you for what you’re doing and I wish you the very best.

[–]pyth0ns2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look at yourself in the mirror.

You're an elite!

Don't forget that! Don't you ever forget that, especially in these trying times!

Major respect for what you do!

[–]subdermal131 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You got this man!

Just know you have people who don’t even know you rooting for you and all the other front line fighters!

[–]tefllifestyle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep up the good work.It is brave to be in the front lines.

I got the virus in Italy a month ago. I had mild symptoms.

How bad can it get? And how accurate are the testing kits? because in Germany they do extensive tests and shows that the death rate is way lower, than in Italy. I read reports from doctors that covid virus family has many variations (which exieted long time ago and people have it) and that some test cannot really show, which did the patient get. Do u mind saying more about it?

[–]goatenciusmaximus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's ok dude, sometimes we think we are going to lose it but we don't because we're men and men handle shit. If you have to get out of the ER for crying for a few minutes, do it, it's ok, the same if you want to make a second post, this is how you keep it together. Send a private message if you need any more help.

[–]tidder88881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What’s the worse thing you have seen and does it affect old people worst than young people?

[–]AJ_KG_JG1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep on truckin', we need people like you.

[–]rnsbrum1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh dang, I read dont smoke rigth after hitting a joint and smoking a cigar lol

[–]DuckCommanderH751 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen to the One Punch Man Theme.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

the people need your strength, pull every last bit of it out for this

[–]LazerSpin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Brother, you do not have a choice. You will continue in the execution of your duty until the pandemic passes or you yourself are disabled by the symptoms. You will have time to reflect and rest and process and honor the fallen later. Now os the time for work. As low and weak as you feel those around you know that this is your finest hour.

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not be angry at yourself with the emotions you’re feeling. The best place to have shared them as in front of other men. Do not apologize for your post. We may not know you but we are more like you than your kin and likely most of your childhood friends.

Your family and your woman are looking to you for strength. That is normal and yes it does add some pressure. Being the Oak is not easy. They may not realize the pressure they’re putting on you and they may not even thank you afterward that’s the life of a man.

And do not let the hours and stress break your discipline your cleaning regimen your protective gear use your discipline and your hand-washing- so stick to the basics do not let the basics fall by the wayside.

2 of my bro’s work in ERs at 2 diff hospitals. Shit is real, so I believe you.

Be strong. Survive. Don’t quit. You’ll come out stronger and you’ll look back on this time and be proud or be ashamed - it’s up to you.

[–]trp1throw8271 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I expected toxic insults but this comment section is hopefull for the TRP community. This is how it’s supposed to be, support & growth.

OP, Thanks for your service. An hero with tears on his face is still a hero. Stay strong

[–]crisg871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What would you say to the people who aren’t taking the virus that serious and are against social distancing and closing everything down?

[–]Nergaal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My 2 cents: limit your exposure as much as possible. Seems to me that if you get lightly exposed, you give your body a good chance to build antibodies as long as you rest and don't overload it with more viruses. If you get infected, as long as you rest, you will be fine.

[–]riggedved0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I bow down to you for your service. Hang in there, buddy, our prayers are with you are your family. This shall pass too.

[–]warthundersfw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So is the old people only myth bullshit?

[–]HumbleTrees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor".

This is where you remake yourself into a hero, into a man of bravery, and into a more stoic man.

Good luck and thank you for your services to humanity. You're already a hero to me.

[–]YouSoGetMe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To many of us you are an inspiration .. I hope you stay safe and I wish you the best for your everything!

[–]Diche_Bach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are brave and strong brother

[–]ocebitkaj0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just the fact that you are here asking about this and not about how some girl is not responding to your snaps eve though she’s quarantined shows you how much more of a man you are than most of the guys on here.

I bet after this you’ll have a lot of stories to tell about the human condition.

Thank you for for your service, stay strong.

[–]codeGd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You made me realize how entitled I am for not shedding sweat and fear I say blood like you and your comrades, I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart.

As to all men and women who have been forced to step up for the greater good. I am not a godly man, but I pray and my prayers will be with you all, eternally ashamed that I cannot offer more.

Be strong, you're a hero.

[–]NoMoreUncontrollable0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cry if you must. But do it alone. It's tempting to wonna tell someone to relieve some pain. If you wonna tell someone choose a random dude. Even if he judges you it's ok. Who gives a fuck? You are just cleaning your inside from the stress. Negative emotion is bitch. Better let it out in a controlled way rather than exploding uncontrollably. And don't do it in front of your people. They need to see a strong man

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have always admired people in the medical field. It's a tough job that takes a toll, can't imagine how it is nowadays.

Stay strong and thank you for what you're doing. If you ever need to talk/vent, drop a message.

[–]Nastynatee0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ty for your efforts man. Sincerely. I'm a past social worker/nurses aide for 7yrs so I get it. Thank u buddy. Be safe

[–]jzekyll60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s just a flu OP. Just drink Gatorade.

Joking aside

This is a war. Invisible enemy. This is when the impostor syndrome sets in. People will die on your hands. It’s not your fault. Remember, the reason this thing was engineered and patented was to be used as a bioweapon. Think of it as cleaning up after the results of a bomb going off. Most people are going to die; Weapons kill.

Why was this engineered? China has a glut of men. These men have rioted. The government needed a way of ending this. They have.

Western governments have a problem with population glut of their own. The EU and US have a social security net for old people. But due to the baby boomers, there will be more people reliant on this than there are to pay for it. It will implode. Thus, the governments want baby boomers eradicated before they reach social security.

What does this mean for you? It means that the invisible enemy isnt the virus, it’s the shadow government deep state. They are actively sabotaging you nurses by telling you zinc doesn’t help (it does) and hydroxychloroquine doesn’t help (it does). Obama gave away all of the US’ masks and didn’t restock. Trudeau gave Canada’s supply to China, the original manufacturer.

This isn’t negligence. It’s intentional malfeasance and plausible deniability.

So just like the people on the front lines in WWI and WWII were the disposable pawns in geopolitical games so too are you the nurses. You are the front line in a new type of geopolitical game. The Cold War isn’t fought by proxy anymore, it’s fought directly. Invisibly.

So you’re not just fighting a medical war, you’re fighting an infowar. You’ve swallowed the red pill, it’s time to start cramming red pills into your colleagues.

Don’t fear death. Embrace it and help others embrace it. Good luck.

[–]Logical_Insurance0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you'd like to write your account name on a piece of paper with today's/tomorrow's date and snap a quick photo of your mask-covered face at work holding it up while giving me the "rock-on"/devil horns sign with your hand, I will make a $500 donation to the medical charity of your choice.

[–]Logical_Insurance-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

What a shame, he didn't reply to me.

[–]whiffofass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gotta admire all the people working in health care. I would have immediately quit my job and picked another occupation when the shit hit the fan.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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