Tried everything, deep in 11 year porn addiction

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March 30, 2020

Hey guys, to keep it short. I’ve been struggling with porn and masturbation since I was a young child.

I’m at my wits end and I want to stop. Recently I’ve hit a new low and looked at stuff that was absolutely digusting and it scared me to see what could be the end of the dark hole, I want off this ride but my brain is too messed up?

Any practical steps? any other man who freed himself through Christ? I fasted for three days, no food just water, it helped and as soon it ended I binged (shameful, I know)

(Aside from pre-marital sex with a LTR that was heading towards engagement, one of my biggest regrets as I thought she was the “one” but I wised up from that trainwreck of a relationship)

To get back on track, I’m desperate, I don’t want this desire to cause me to act out again.

I know what is required but I fail to do it. I think I do it to escape the loneliness and emptiness of my life as I desire intimacy with a women but I think this is just due to conditioning my brain from a young age to use porn.

I’ve fallen and I hate what I let myself become. I just need help, I fear that I may end my life if my sin brings me down any further in the future as I do not want to act out sexually(by this I mean commit any sexual act with another person or against myself) in any way.

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Title Tried everything, deep in 11 year porn addiction
Author StrivingforTruth116
Upvotes 7
Comments 20
Date 30 March 2020 03:48 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship

[–]Deep_Strength6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ephesians 4:17 So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, 18 being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; 19 and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness.

20 But you did not learn Christ in this way, 21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, 22 that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

Most people know that getting rid of porn is bad (take off the old self), but it must be replaced with the new self.

Focusing on stopping the old self only tempts you to continue to be stuck in your old habits: you keep thinking about it so it's a temptation and it's way easy to fall back into it.

This is why we always keep harping God's mission for you, and development of the Christian walk in OYS. For example...

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

  • PHYSICAL: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

  • MENTAL/EMOTIONAL: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

  • SPIRITUAL: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself: Assurance of Salvation, Quiet Time/Devotional, Bible Study, Scripture Memory, Prayer, Evangelism, Fellowship. Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

You must be replacing the old habits/self with the new self. All of the things in the Spiritual category are a good place to start, but the physical and mental/emotional can help too. Focus on developing the new self and the old habits will fall away because you're not focusing on them anymore.

I watched porn for 15+ years and couldn't break it by doing it myself or trying to avoid temptation. It was only when I stopped focusing on it and focused on my mission for God and having a one track mind toward it that I was able to be set free.

TL;DR stop focusing on trying to stop the habits of the old self as it's easy for thinking about those habits to tempt you back into doing it. Start focusing on developing the new self and putting all your efforts toward it.

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you so much. This had me pondering for days on what I lacked in my life and I believe this is it. (A few others have hit the nail on the head too further cementing its validity)

You're a role model and I hope to be where you are at right now too. However, the goal is to be like Christ and I am be sure to shine like Him when He comes back.

I'm doing what I can and I won't ever give up. I'm going to start posting in the OYS threads from now on, I appreciate the time you took to speak to me..currently saving this.

[–]ruizbujc6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

When was the last time you brought someone to Christ? How many guys are you discipling right now? As /u/Deep_Strength said, these types of questions are 100% related to the struggle. Galatians 3:3 is most applicable here - "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit are you now trying to be perfected by human effort?" The Spirit leads you step by step in God's intentions for your life (i.e. make disciples). His work is defined by what you do, not by what you avoid. If you want to stop watching porn, follow the Spirit. He won't lead you down the path of porn - but the only path away from it is the one he's setting. Acts 1:8 - "And when the Holy Spirit comes on you you will be my witnesses."

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To be honest none, I'm not even talking about during quarantine either. I have been looking for a church but got discouraged and gave up. I will try again. Thank you for the verses, I know this is due to a lack of active purpose in my life for sure.

I guess my question is, the best thing to do is to get plugged into a local church right?

[–]coachdad83 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

What is your mission? Giving up porn doesn't work unless you have something even better to focus your time and attention. Ever notice that porn is most tempting when you are bored or have extra time? Ever notice that for most men while they are extremely busy with something exciting they rarely watch porn?

I've seen guys with hardcore porn addiction go 21 days cold-turkey in the woods on a hiking/rafting and hunting trip in Montana. First day back home they PMO. Had they stayed in Montana, they might have gone months without. They simply had something better and more exciting to distract their attention.

While none of us can hike/raft/hunt in Montana in perpetuity, the principle is that finding something to do with your time helps tremendously. Sitting around the office or house with our electronics next to us is the ultimate temptation. I'll bet you $500 that if you were a youth counselor at a summer camp for 12 weeks, you wouldn't PMO once. Not once. Waking up at 6am to train and mentor 25 young men would distract you and give you a purpose that porn could never give. Hence the reason I suggest pursuing a purpose.

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

WOW. You just opened my mind. All these years and I've never made the connection. Really, I must thank you. It is true, everything you said to a T. Now my problem is finding that purpose...and I will pray and seek, perhaps it is something right in front of my face.

Quarantine doesn't help but I won't make any excuses.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

u/strivingfortruth116 I first found porn when I was about 4 years old and was a slave to it for years. Couple questions from an OG here. I have some really easy questions, then maybe later, some really hard ones, but I am hoping you can come to the same realization on your own.

  • When and where are you looking at the porn?
  • What devices or media are you using?
  • Who else knows about this IRL?
  • How is your social life, finances, school, work, family, etc?
  • How often do you read the word?
  • How often are you praying?
  • When you pray, what are you praying? Example: Reciting from a book of prayers, doing the Lords prayer, adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication, reception, or obligatory?
  • What happens in your prayer time?
  • In your own words, who is Jesus "to you at this time in your life"?

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Can I pm you instead?

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]El0vution0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The despair you feel is not from God. He does share the horrible feelings you have for yourself. That is a dark illusion. All sins are already forgiven in Christ. You need a task, a goal, a purpose to accomplish each day. It should challenge you. Little by little you will pull yourself away from porn. “Do not let your heart be troubled. And do not be afraid.”

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amen you are right, it is of the enemy. I am at a much better place now, I had gone on a 3 day water fast and am rebuilding my life at a time after considered the godly advice given here...thank you.

[–]DoersOfTheWord0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Matthew 12: 43“When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. 44Then he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order. 45Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first. So shall it also be with this wicked generation.”

The Bible is clear that you can't stop a bad habit. The evil just returns as you mentioned and even worse than before. You have to "fill your house" so that the evil spirits are crowded out. When they return, they find your house is full and protected.

But what does that mean in practice. Your porn usage likely follows a pattern. A time, a place, etc. You need to fill those things up with Christ, with lifting, with service. Put software blocks on your tech and ask a brother to keep you accountable. Stop staying up late, stop all the things that put you close to that issue. Fill up your house.

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I have been staying up late and I removed popups thinking there were of no use, I will reinstate those thing now.

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Have you tried a 12-step program? Sex Addicts Anonymous? Others here talk about developing a new self ... the 12 steps provide a path to that.

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I tried and looked multiple times before, none in my area.

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Find one online? I'm sure there is a copy of the Big Book online somewhere ... lemme look ...yup!....

Remember that the book was written many years ago, so some of the language may be outdated, and it was written to address alcoholism (but the same concepts underpin any compulsive habit, I think). The principles are sound and they will work if you give them a chance and put in the work.

I'm alive today because I discovered the 12 Steps at age 19 and turned my life in a totally different direction (by God's grace) ...

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wow!, ok I will definitely check it out, thank you! I guess I wasn't looking hard enough

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Better yet just Google 'Sex Addicts Anonymous' which would be more in line with what you need. I'm not sure but I'd be willing to bet they have adapted the Big Book to meet their needs. Anyway, the steps are the same and they're really the key to the whole shebang! Best wishes, hope it works for you too. :-)

[–]SkimTheDross0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There’s some great spiritual advice given so far.

Along with what’s been offered, check out Atomic Habits. There are tools to use to build and break habits.

Your mission and relationship with Christ are first though. If you break the behavior the foundation isn’t strong, you’ll run to another idol.

[–]StrivingforTruth116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, and yes I will check him out. I do think that's true, I have many idols in my heart.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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