"You're cocky. You've changed. You're trying too hard."

soapjackal · 2013-05-14T07:54:42+00:00

Authenticity yours and theirs

A. They are used to a certain behavior from you, they will shun it if it is different from thier preconceived notions.

B. you are probably still partially inauthentic. Becoming more 'alpha' especially when phrased in such terms can lead to overstepping yourself and coming off a little Iike a fake dbag.

You just need time to internalize new beliefs and behaviors.

racontemoi · 2013-05-14T07:51:11+00:00

Always tough to grow within a given relationship. No matter how alpha I become at work or with new people I'll always be the cute little cousin or brother in the eyes of some members of my family.

Make space for yourself to grow and accept that you can't always change some relationships, at least not very quickly.

Gentle-Mang · 2013-05-14T08:16:03+00:00

I don't know you or the way you're acting, but purely guessing...

It's possible that you are building a facade out of routine based PUA tricks, and you're hiding your true self behind this front made of pre-packaged personality traits and whatever MFA told you to wear. People can perhaps sense that you're not being genuine, that you're putting on a show and that your behavior is not congruent with your true internal emotional state. As a result people can't connect with you, and it weirds them out.

Personally I think that /r/seduction is a pile of shit. Just clicking on there now I see requests for pre-packaged responses to specific scenarios, people looking for cheap tricks and gimmicks, and a cavalcade of appalling advice.

Be honest with yourself. Are you just putting on a show with this stuff? I know there are people who say "fake it 'til you make it", I don't think that this advice should be applied literally.

I don't like pre-packaged game, it can be fine for a complete and utter newbie to get him used to the idea that it's okay to talk to girls, but you need to drop it and move on to proper internal personal development. Because you can get to the point where you've used all these techniques and you're alone with a girl, but you're afraid that the mask will slip and she'll see you for who you really are. You don't want to have to keep the PUA mask on for a WHOLE relationship, you want to be you, but you want to be a better you. That's why ultimately you need to develop yourself and your personality, not learn a bunch of techniques that obscure your personality

Of course I could be completely off the mark and totally wrong and nothing I wrote applies to you in any way. In which case I dunno.

2013-05-14T08:52:53+00:00

They say that going from fat to fit will cost you two friends on the average.

Same thing with taking the pill.

Deansdale · 2013-05-14T10:15:01+00:00

With all the things being said around here, I have to tell you, there is such a thing as trying too hard. Take it easy for a while. You don't have to change completely overnight, it's not a race.

TehGinjaNinja · 2013-05-14T12:18:40+00:00

When drug addicts go into recovery they are told to avoid their old friends from their previous lifestyle, because their old friends will try and drag them back into it.

Anyone who engages in a concerted effort towards self improvement, and thus self transformation, will find that some of his old friends (and even family) reject the new persona he is adopting. They were his friends because they liked the old persona and it is understandable that they would object to it's removal from their lives.

You decided to change because your old persona was not making you happy. If these people are truly your friends they would support that change towards a happier you. If they don't support it, then they aren't really your friends.

The next time they challenge you tell them you understand why they are uncomfortable with this change in you, but that you are happier this way. Tell them that if they are your friends they will support you, and that if they can't support you in this process then your friendship should end.

Bobsutan · 2013-05-14T13:19:44+00:00

if It's women telling you this, treat it like a shit test and do a pressure flip and see how they react.

Her: you're so cocky. You: what is it about cocky guys you're so attracted to?

on the other hand, if its just friends who are saying this, its status quo rejection of your changing position in the social hierarchy among you. this is where I advise guys to Ignore the haters comes into play.

captshady · 2013-05-14T11:52:29+00:00

In H.S., I went from fat to fit, and shot up, height wise. I guess the girls at school always had my past image stuck in their head or something, but whenever I traveled outside my neighborhood, women always went for me. We had teen dance clubs back then, where I never had to ask a girl to dance, they always asked me. I was always macking at various places, and my life long friends, didn't like it.

I'd find out about parties they'd have, or attend, after the fact. They didn't invite me, ever, because I was "too cocky" and "girls didn't like it". What it was, was the girls flocked to it, and they didn't like the competition. They invited women over, so they could beta provide drinks, and just hope and pray they could bang one of them.

This pushed me into beta-land, back then, because I was too stupid to do the math that I was getting laid WAY more than any of them combined. I thought my friends had insight on this, and I betatized myself! Don't let it happen to you, they're speaking purely out of jealousy. If they push it, find a new band.

rkg-pua · 2013-05-14T12:39:58+00:00

Just because you read a few blogs doesnt mean your all-of-sudden alpha dude.

Im picturing a little band twerp running his mouth and making a scene because he all of a sudden believes hes some edgy redpill man now.

This lifestyle is not for everyone, and while I do not know the details of your story, it doesnt quite sound like its made for you. Your first sentence alone made me cringe.

NrwhlBcnSmrt-ttck · 2013-05-14T11:36:21+00:00

The matrix is real to those still plugged in. It's called the redpill for a reason.

2013-05-14T14:46:50+00:00

when you try to better yourself most people will try to keep you down with them. figure out if they are sincere or if they just dont want you to better yourself.

look for people who are interested in helping you achieve your goals and who motivate you.

NiftyDolphin · 2013-05-14T11:50:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sfstexan · 2013-05-14T08:48:37+00:00

It's very hard to say given that this is just text and we can't really judge for ourselves whether you are being try-hard or not.

That being said, there's a reason the term "fake it till you make it" was invented. It actually works. If you're too cocky, to the point where reality slaps you in the face the wake up call is too much and you quit all together.. that is not good. So, you want to balance the cockiness with reality (with a lean towards a little excess cockiness).

Expect to work hard to get to where you want to be, and if your hard work makes you cocky, the blue-pillers just aren't going to understand it. Don't worry so much about them.

Reve_ · 2013-05-14T16:37:01+00:00

Sounds like you're trying to do leaps and bounds too quickly..It's all about making it part of your natural behavior. Ease into the alpha role. Usually when a blue piller takes the red pill they go to the other extreme, you just need to find a balance.

Clauderoughly · 2013-05-14T16:58:30+00:00

Maybe you are acting like a cocky douche... so maybe tone it down around them a little, but still keep your alpha ways.

And please, please don't be wearing a fedora...

niceguy_gone_cad · 2013-05-14T20:02:28+00:00

It's a common mistake of the noob red pillers; tone down the cocky and amp the funny, specially with your blue pill friends. A transition too abrupt is bound to be noticed and congruence issues will appear. It's best to focus on avoiding beta behaviour first and gradually adding alpha moves. Very gradually. But don't let them keep you down.

2013-05-14T13:14:20+00:00

Sounds like growing pains. As you settle into the role things will become more natural. You won't want to be in situations thinking "I'm the alpha!" but rather exhibit the component behaviors (body aesthetics, dress, confidence, abundance mentality, etc). The end game should be something like the Italian "Sprezzatura".

NiftyDolphin · 2013-05-14T13:25:26+00:00

When a crab tries to craw out of the barrel, it's in the nature of the other crabs to latch on and try to pull him back in.

2013-05-14T17:48:43+00:00

Fuck your friends.

thesprunk · 2013-05-14T20:20:26+00:00

One of the things that I don't think people realize before embarking on this is this:

We all have our own frame of reality. A model of the world. A lens through which to perceive and makes sense of things.

We define people through this model, and they define us through theres. How these various frames fit together defines our relationships.

When you change your frame, you may find you no longer "fit" with who you used to.

In particular relevance to those who take the TRP and the OP above: we often aren't outwardly vocal and objective about the why and how of the change. Those of who have tried to explain, will often find we distance ourselves from the audience; our friends. They often take offense, or disagree. This is because, generally speaking, the person you're talking too is on the blue pill, and you're intrinsically grouping them in with what you see as wrong with the world. "People like you" "You think" etc.

There's good ways to go about this, but point being: We often don't explain ourselves and whats happening, at least, not well. People see us suddenly undergoing change, and rarely do we exhibit that "ideal" goal of who we want to be, and instead find ourselves being insulting, offensive, unsure, try-hards, awkward, or any other such variations. If you've put forth the effort, you know what I'm talking about.

Frames are hard to change. Sometimes you gotta knock down entire walls to do it. And that shit takes time. It makes noise. It makes a mess. And people see it as destructive, they often don't have the forsight to see what comes next. At the core of the matter, the friction among peers results from a conflict of expectations. They just see you tearing down walls when you see yourself building something new.

Kepaso · 2013-05-14T14:51:52+00:00

don t use negs too much! i tried it and it didnt worked for me. Now i tease just at the right moment and just use a confident vibe, not arrogant.

flyingoctopus25 · 2013-05-14T20:52:10+00:00

honestly your probably not very authentic yet so while things are internalizing just remember its okay to turn it down abit and be subtle because you dont have anything to prove to anyone. Let things take its own time no need to rush, without knowing you theres no way to know if your trying to hard but if people are commenting on that then really you probably are/ Just my 2 cents.

gprime312 · 2013-05-14T21:47:49+00:00

Google "crabs in a bucket".

Lord_Perseus · 2013-05-15T02:33:48+00:00

If your friends are BP's it would depend on what they mean by "cocky". It could mean tha you've become a big time prick, which no one likes & really you shouldn't be. However, It could also mean that you've grown a pair, gained new found confidence & made yourself a better man & they're taken aback by it. If this is the case, then your friends need to deal w/ as you are & you need some new friends

You seem to be new to the Red Pill way of life so don't get too concerned yet. You're finding your way & as such you'll make mistakes, but in the end you'll straighten yourself out

asfiouw · 2013-05-15T16:12:16+00:00

‘I decided to turn the word “pretentious” into a compliment. The common assumption is that there are “real” people and there are others who are pretending to be something they’re not. There is also an assumption that there’s something morally wrong with pretending. My assumptions about culture as a place where you can take psychological risks without incurring physical penalties make me think that pretending is the most important thing we do. It’s the way we make our thought experiments, find out what it would be like to be otherwise.

Brian Eno, A Year With Swollen Appendices

YouSoWould · 2013-05-15T17:15:04+00:00

This is common phenomenon when someone within a previously established peer group decides to improve themselves and grow as an individual. The person who your group had you pigeonholed down as, who they could speak in a certain way to, and expect a certain kind of behaviour from, is ceasing to exist, and it will threaten them - perhaps causing them to confront their own shortcomings, and not liking what they see.

They'll try to hold you back, not consciously perhaps, by trying to shut you back into the box you used to inhabit.

A consequence of taking this path is unless they are prepared to come with you on your journey, you're going to have to leave them behind. You need to surround yourself with people who share your goals and ambitions in order to spur yourself on.

That said, also be aware that there is an element of possibility that you have become a little socially miscalibrated in trying to be "more alpha". Make sure you actually aren't "trying too hard" - it's going to be a marathon, not a sprint, and the confidence will come at its own pace. This isn't uncommon, and you'll readjust to your new persona soon enough. If you weren't a dick before, you won't suddenly turn into one.

DEVi4TION · 2013-05-16T14:12:47+00:00

You will probably overcorrect several times before you get a good balance. Completely uncalled for dick to dick sucking beta. Don't let people phase you man just keep going. That's the thing, you're making changes, you're making effort. Not many people are.

Title	"You're cocky. You've changed. You're trying too hard."
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	37
Comments	45
Date	May 14, 2013 7:41 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1eawto/youre_cocky_youve_changed_youre_trying_too_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/youre-cocky-youve-changed-youre-trying-too-hard.4378 https://theredarchive.com/post/4378

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