Long story short I've been living with a woman nearly 9 months.

She's amazing, but I can't lie, I'm always looking for strong relationships, she's way too sweet and condescending with me, we almost never fight and she's pretty unchallenging overall.

If I had to describe her she's more of a mix between a mother with her supportive side and little girl always looking at me as a sort of a daddy.

Well, many psychologist agree that some degrees of our sexuality derive from the type of relationship we had with our parents, so whatever.

Anyway, despite me kind of feeling I love this woman, even if she's emotionally low challenge (which impacts other aspects of our relationship like sexuality, because I feel she's too easy but rarely seducing) I met a woman, which in time became my mistress.

She added me on facebook, she said that she saw my profile by reading a comment on a common friend's post. She liked my humor, she liked my pics. I checked her "recently added" friends (shows all people you added in the last month) and there was me and two female coworkers. So she wasn't the kind of woman adding people randomly, especially male.

At first I wasn't much into meeting her, but as time progressed she really did ignite a spark of curiosity in me and curiosity is a great spark for attraction.

By the way, I ended up meeting her around a month later and it was hell of an experience. She really was hugely into me since the start. This feeling of being so desired by a woman that didn't know me was seductive as hell. She was also good looking and quite crazy. All things I like in a woman.

I ended up having sex with her that night and she truly was a submissive woman waiting for a dominant man, something she said she felt even before adding me on FB.

This woman in the next months, I met her another 4-5 times. Fucked her brains out in any possible way, there was no "no" word at all with her. I fucked her outdoor where people could see us she didn't care. (when we finished actually some people applauded us from the distance).

Anyway I'm still elusive and tell her, I'm going to go live with my gf and that our relationship will be over.

She doesn't give up, but she's respectful. She makes me gifts like concert tickets for my favorite bands, every single time we met she drove to my place. I never, ever, chased her. And she never asked me to leave my gf for her, she even often said she was sorry for her and she felt responsible for my cheatings. I literally could not do anything wrong with her.

Long story short I move with my gf and I stop seeing her or speaking with her.

4 months later we meet in a club, we dance a bit, chat a little, but that's it.

During this winter she starts to write me more, we end up chatting. She's still super into me, says stuff like "I tried with other men, but I'm just looking in them for stuff that reminds me of you". In the end I agree to see her once, I invite her to a bar to a party I was having with some male friends of mine. She's part of the gang, she handles herself well, everybody likes her. After everybody leaves we fuck.

Now, I really don't want to go for long, but let's just conclude that this woman, accepted and wanted anything from me, at any condition and I did never do anything than sometimes give her some of my time.

I can't lie, at some point I feel I started loving this woman. She made me feel everything my gf made me feel (loved, important, etc) with a huge bonus in her submissive nature and tons of emotions that surrounded us. My gf is only submissive in bed, not life, and me having a strong personality and she being a woman (so always wanting to have the final word) this clashed.

She (the mistress) would admit me of how many times she dreamed of us being a normal couple, of how she would've wanted to prove me her worth every day, in the kitchen, in the bed, with my friends/family. She would make paintings of me, of her, literally spending her nights just to send me a pic of a drawing. Crazy chick, but so lovely.

One couldn't ask for more.

I told her that I was probably going to leave my gf because despite me being very attached to her, I just don't feel that passion anymore. I also told her that she should'nt have had expectations of me and her (the mistress) like becoming a couple. I just wanted to be alone.

I need to say that safe for this mistress I never had encounters with other women in the last 4 years I was with my gf. I really did try to be a decent man, I failed in the end, but I really tried. Only this mistress was so special and pervasive to make me cheat. And I had other possibilities, including those friends/coworkers you fantasize for years and suddenly are into you when you're unavailable. Classic women ffs.

Anyway, I gotta admit I started losing my dominant frame with her (I don't really believe in frames, let's just say I started to be also something else), I brought up also my "sweet" and more "loving", "caretaking" one. I am a normal person after all and get attached to people.

What a big giant mistake this fuckin was. First I started sensing some disrespect towards me, don't know how to describe it, but she would simply be unrespectful. You can feel those lines, you can feel a different attitude. She had a sudden entitlement I was never going to expect. She started poking me and at me. She started saying she had "standards", that she was "ambitious", this and that. Like wtf those that even mean? Anybody on this planet has some standards and ambitions.

By the way she became much more cold towards me. More absent. She's still be her, but a different version of herself.

The very moment I started to be more caretaking, asking her how her day was, the moment I started to be more available that was the moment when this woman started being less caretaking, less interested, less available.

I gotta admit guys, this hart me.

I don't consider myself a bluefag, I try to be myself and be some sort of coherent man. I don't take bullshit from women, or anybody else, and I've slept with 40/50 of them. I'm ambitious, good looking, funny, financially aware and know my ways with women.

Yet, after being chased for an year by a woman that would've killed if I told her so, this all started vanishing the moment I made myself available and truly interested.

This hurts. You think you can find that one right woman that you just can't find one single bad thing.

And the moment you actually try to love her, she reminds you she's a woman and how women like it:

-complicated

-overemotional

-difficult.

Because those are really the conditions that trigger people the most, especially vane creatures like women.

It's not that I didn't want to meet my mistress' dark sides, the unpleasant stuff. Trust me, she's also a big challenge in many things and I liked this challenge of this young ambitious woman to tame.

But the taming game was over I started to treat her also as a person you can love.

I'm so disappointed.