Summary: Was asked by a high school acquaintance for a job. Ignored him because he would never be able to provide a benefit to me and was unqualified for anything outside of fast food. But thinking about it got me to reflect on how every "self sacrifice" I made in the past provides me with zero benefit today.
Body: An old acquaintance added me on linkedin today. Back in high school we had fun together but he was always a slacker and not very ambitious. He did a few semesters in college but dropped out. Never really heard much from him since then. Now over a decade later he leaves me a long message with the normal fluff pretending to care about how I've been, but culminating with him asking if I could help him find a job.
Now could I use my contacts and find him a job slightly above his qualifications? Maybe. Could I spend a few hours helping him get a great resume? Perhaps. Maybe even give him a few bucks for a new suit? Sure.
But the question I ask is will this acquaintance would appreciate the sacrifice if I took the time to help him 'get back on his feet'?
If you've been here for any length of time you'll quickly recognize that the answer is no. Whether in a friendship or a relationship human beings have a very short term memory when it comes to what others have done for them. When a person asks for a favor, ask yourself if that person can help you in the future or provide any return on investment.
In the case of my acquaintance he could do a good job, in which case I only break even since we know he'll never truly appreciate it. Or he could embarrass me, he could ask for more favors, or hurt me in a way I don't immediately realize. Either way, the answer is no!
But why not help out the poor and unfortunate once in a while out of the goodness of my heart? I find the laws of power sum it up nicely:
Law 10: INFECTION: AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY
Self sacrifice isn't just bad business, it's suicide. People judge you based on who you are today. If you are successful and put yourself first, you will be a person people gravitate towards. If you are unsuccessful no one will care what a nice guy you were in the past because you have nothing to offer.
Maybe this one acquaintance wouldn't be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but why get into a bad habit of helping people who can't help me? In the same sense, why get into a habit of eating fast food? They are both things which should be avoided.
Furthermore I can look to my own past. Every struggling person I helped in college no longer provides any benefit to me today. The successful students who I networked with are assets to this day. Every girl whose meal I bought no longer provides a benefit to me. The meals I bought for businessmen who shared their knowledge with me provided me with knowledge I still use.
It actually surprises me to reflect on this fact. 0% of the favors I did for my struggling friends in college were ever returned in anyway shape or form. Same goes for women I dated, every penny I spent on them provides me with no return today.
Lessons Learned
We all have an altruistic side to us, it's almost hardwired from our hunter gatherer days, but we don't have to be stupid about it. Help people who are successful and they can reward you almost immediately. Help the poor and unfortunate and you're putting up a prayer that maybe somehow they put it all together AND will care enough to return the favor. They won't.
And lets be real, you aren't the first person they asked. You don't have the power to help people where everyone else had failed. If they were going to make it, they would have made it long before you.
Self sacrifice is a fools game, avoid it.
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