Summary:

You need to do stuff out of you comfort zone. Such experiences (as in adventures) have a cost/investment attached but will greatly boost your self- confidence.

Body:

There is no denying that confidence is very important for success with women but also for your career and general well-being. The issue is, how do you get confident? There have been many guides on this and many focusing on picking up women. However the later can be a huge trap for newcomers uncomfortable approaching women and generally low in confidence. Chances are their confidence gets even more shattered by constant rejections.

Improving your physique (eg. Lifting and dieting) are very good first steps that can be fairly easily implemented. Still, most guys, especially younger ones, will still have a lot of free time to fill up like week-ends or on gym-free evenings and holidays. Use that time for adventures. Something interesting that also has a certain cost (or investment) attached to it. And with cost I do not mean money, I mean suffering and a later reward for it. Suffering can be an intense physical activity like hiking on top of a mountain and overcoming some fear (fear of heights for example). Eg. Best if they are combined. In my case I suffer or suffered from social anxiety. So any such non-solo activity has a fear attached to it. Note that there can also be a significant cost of money attached to the adventure but it’s not a must.

Don’t overthink it. With adventure I merely mean the combination of physical and emotional (fear) “suffering” and subsequent reward (confidence, experiences, memories). Hiking, mountain biking, travelling (and no, lying at the beach for 2 weeks doesn’t count). The higher the cost, the better the reward. Money can reduce the cost and sometimes is necessary to get any results like flight ticket when travelling or cable car for getting half-way up the mountain when hiking or going down.

Back to rewards. Getting out of our comfort zone and succeeding will end up with a net confidence gain. In case of adventures you also gain memories and hence things to talk about that make you more interesting also for women. So you have an inner gain (confidence) and an outside gain in form of increased reputation (sporty, does interesting stuff, not boring).

Last we could think of confidence of a pool with an inlet and drain. While lifting and adventures fill the pool, watching TV and gaming and other no-effort time-fillers drain the pool. Reading is probably more neutral even if you read non-sense fiction, but I leave that up for discussion.

Conclusion:

The take away is by doing adventures you add to the “confidence- pool” and have much less time for stuff that drains it which will lead to a significant confidence gain.