I got played and I got played hard and it took me until my early twenties to realize how hard I got played.

In reality I wasn't prepared for it I was young and still inexperienced but I didn't imagine how perverse and brutal the dating world was until 2020 began and I realized I spent five years trying to navigate dating and still ended up with nothing

I know exactly the type of girl the red pill attracts and thats my ex

When I'm at my ex she was at her lowest and I was at my highest and looking back she took every opportunity to put me down and chip away at my confidence

My clothes were never good enough

My hobbies were lame

Was never manly or aggressive enough

She would hit on other guys in front of me

Talk about how her older crushes or this dude was so much like this.

And of course I thought nothing of it because I was insecure before I met her and I understood that it took a lot of tweaking To Love Yourself. And we were both eighteen and I thought it was pretty normal for 18 year old girls to have these weird insecurities but she projected so much of what she wanted me to be instead of just liking me and to this day I still feel like she's right and everything that led me into being who I am it's just horrible

Over the years she has made it clear that she likes the aggressive in abusive type guys I write books and draw and paint. And you know what I still enjoy myself and who I am and I express that through my art but ever since that happened sometimes I wonder if maybe I should have started to try to be more Alpha when I was younger. Maybe that experience wouldn't have happened and not only that but she cheated on me and in the last 5 years I have not been able to find anyone so it kind of makes me think she was right

By the time I was able to finally accept myself for who I was and when I stop trying to be so hard and hanging out with people who believe me it turns out that's exactly what my girlfriend wanted and I still to this day feel like a major idiot

Something she did say that was super glaring was that I have no game

She will say it so much and over and over again and it burns me up inside because whenever I see a red pill video on YouTube or on Reddit it just confirms everything that happened to me

The crazy part is that she said she wanted to wait until sex but she goes and cheat on me and till this day I kind of do blame her for me being a virgin even though I know that stupid

I went from having horrible mental health issues to finally being normal the stable at 18 and then got cheated on and then the next four years of college I spent trying to come to terms with why that happened while still getting rejected in failing with other girls

It's hard to try to make these last couple of years into some great positive experience because it hasn't been all I really know now is that failure is common and I know how to fail and I always knew had a fail but I keep wondering when is the day when all of my hard shifts and fear conquering and confidence gaining and learning about life is going to finally attract the girl because blue and red pillers say this all the time yet I'm not seeing it.