FDS for marriage?

JenaCee · 2020-08-15T03:57:04+00:00

It may be time to just go. He’s gotten what he wanted. Green card. Now he’s seen how little you are willing to accept.

AbundantOverflow · 2020-08-15T04:34:54+00:00

I am pro-divorce when suffering is the alternative. What you have described is something I would leave over. I would start with a very serious conversation where I laid out in no uncertain terms: a) what the issues were b) how I felt about them c) what the outcome would be if they were left unaddressed. I would open the floor for him to state his position. If he proactively agreed to fix it, I’d observe for 30 days then re-evaluate. Anything less (passivity, gaslighting, excuses, bullshit) would get a call to a divorce attorney the next business day. But then I do not suffer fools gladly and feel life is too short to be playing games and tolerating bad behavior from men so take my advice with several grains of salt.

dzgata · 2020-08-15T05:36:12+00:00

Hun you need to leave him immediately. I looked through your post history and saw the comments on your r/relationships post. If everyone there told you there’s no choice but to leave, what would you expect from FDS? We’re usually harsher than average Reddit, so whatever he did to you must be so obscene I can’t imagine. I couldn’t see the details of your post bc it was removed but the commentary from other users was enough.

Icchy24 · 2020-08-15T06:04:47+00:00

Why isn't it as easy to walk away?

Edit: checked your post history. Your husband is literally abusive and you should be working towards divorce him

2020-08-15T04:10:01+00:00

My biggest fear is getting into a relationship and then having the man treat me like this. I personally have promised myself that I will move out and change my mindset to being single. I have promised myself I will not try to change him, fix the relationship, demand a divorce and all that drama / discussions, or spend the next year thinking about him. I will not make him my whole life so that I will still be whole if the relationship ends. If I was you I would move out and in with an affordable roommate immediately. I would give him space to think about why you left and let him try to win you over instead of trying to talk to him about it. I know this may be poor marriage advice but I just feel this situation is the worst and I don’t ever want to be in it. I get it’s part of marriage but I would rather be single than deal with this. I hope things get better for you. As far as applying it to your marriage, you cannot change him. You are not the reason for his behavior. I know it can feel like if we are HV enough they will change. It’s really not like that. Maybe he will be inspired to change by your HV ways but to be honest the most HV thing you can do is to not try to change him and let go of that idea.

xYennefer · 2020-08-15T03:54:13+00:00

Wait, you married a foreign guy who was obviously only using you for a green card?

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-08-15T14:48:01+00:00

Oh honey. I just read the post you put on the relationships sub, you need to leave yesterday. He is a sociopath, and he’s bragging about doing every single thing that you want to change in the relationship, that is not a man who wants to change. I’m assuming the money to build his parents a house is coming mostly from you since you sound like the one with a real job? You need to divorce his ass, you can do so much better than someone using you for a green card and money. I highly recommend doing some self work so you can figure out why you’re clinging to a man who has openly said that he doesn’t want a loving relationship with you, I know that’s hard to hear but you are choosing to stay with him for some reason.

Jinxhourglass · 2020-08-15T13:39:15+00:00

You can’t apply this to your marriage when your husband is a textbook abuser. Your relationships post screams sociopathic tendencies. This post is one of the worst things I’ve read on that sub.

Read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft and leave. There's no reason for him to control YOUR money.

For the curious:

https://www.removeddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gejybv/i_30f_overheard_the_most_heart_breaking/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

socalqueenofcheese · 2020-08-15T10:59:36+00:00

Another pro divorce here. It isn't easy, but the other side is freedom and love.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-08-15T15:22:32+00:00

Maybe you stay with him because you hope that maybe he will go back to being that sweet guy he was in the beginning. But you need to realize that that sweet persona was the lie. Really realize this. Once you drop this hope and actually find your rage at this psycho, you’ll find the strength to leave.

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-15T17:56:30+00:00

The way to apply FDS to a marriage like yours, is to file for divorce.

2020-08-16T20:44:09+00:00

[deleted]

Title	FDS for marriage?
Author	wavesandtea
Upvotes	21
Comments	18
Date	August 14, 2020 3:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i9noy5/fds_for_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-for-marriage.66518 https://theredarchive.com/post/66518

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