How to completely get rid out Beta thoughts about Ex- Oneitis

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May 20, 2020

Hey guys

I'm 26 and im red pill since beginning of this year. I have been through some crazy stuff with this girl. She is the mom of my childs. Left me some years ago and i chased her for years in order to make the family thing happen again. Allowed her to use me as a doormat. I got cucked hard by her for years. She kept me on the line.

Luckily i found the Red Pill. After that my live started getting better. I have a lot of work to do.

My problem is that i still have those desires and thoughts about her. Currently she has a fuckbuddy and she completely ignores me. She doesnt give a fuck about me and i know this. I'm not chasing her anymore.

My Red Pill Mindset wouldnt allow me to do something beta towards her because i know that this would only make things worse. I cant willingy do something stupid anymore when i know the outcome only hurts me.

I still have the wish to fuck her. Something in me wants her validation. Sometimes i think that she thinks about me and i still believe she is '' a good person ''. My rational mind tells me that this is not the case but my thoughts are beta AF. My beta side is waiting for the day she calls me. Everytime i have to speak with her my beta side wants her to tell me something sweet. Asking me out.

I made a list why she is dead for me so i can remember this stuff whenever i think like that. For example she offered me to get back with her after she had her fun with her current fuckbuddy.

She said several times that i have a small dick. One time i picked up my kid and there were condoms on the table. She just looked at my face and laughed about me.

I could write all day long. Normally she shouldnt even be in my mind only if i talk about logistic of the kids.

How can i get rid of these BETA AF thoughts? It just hurts.

Post Information
Title How to completely get rid out Beta thoughts about Ex- Oneitis
Author antioch94
Upvotes 95
Comments 55
Date 20 May 2020 02:29 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betathe red pill

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222117 points118 points  (5 children) | Copy

"There is an infinite amount of women in this world, more than you will ever be able to meet in a single lifetime. Some of them are great girls and would be perfect as long time partner if that is your aim. That one girl is not special; that was only you mind-fucking you. You are in love with the illusion of her and not her per Se. You are addicted to that image of her you created while mentally masturbating in your romantic fantasies. Those times you imagined her with you on a beach in a romantic setting is what caused your mind all this addiction, that is not her, she is probably not like that. She is not perfect or even close to perfection. You will meet someone better or at least equal to her, just keep going. It sucks a lot. I know it! But fuck, this is one of those hard, amazing lessons of life. Nothing last forever, cherish the time you have, don’t waste it replaying memories or imagining scenarios that probably would never happen. She is 100% not thinking of you right now. Take a look at yourself, smile, give yourself a pat on the pack. You survived this and now you have grown a bit."

Taken from a few years ago can't remember where.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is an infinite amount of women in this world, more than you will ever be able to meet in a single lifetime


thread is deleted, have to view it there. His last post ever actually

[–]theunconquored6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen to this. I had a comment all typed out, then read this. It says what I was going to say, but even better.

It seems like this could be a copy/paste response to half of asktrp questions...

[–]IBETITALL4200 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Some of them are great girls and would be perfect as long time partner if that is your aim. That one girl is not special

Sorry to break it to you, but your saved essay is beta af


[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2225 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is what anger phase looks like folks. Some people hit it multiple times. Just know, this mentality too shall pass. No woman is perfect of course, but there are good women out there. AWALT does not mean that every woman is a cunt, it means that every woman has the biological hardwiring to be one given their circumstances. It’s what they are not who they are. In the same way that a guy can look at the hottest piece of ass but know it’s not worth risking his family life over it.

[–]IBETITALL420-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is what oneitis looks like folks. Some people never get out of this phase and end up destroying lives over that "one special woman". "shes the one" "i love her" "don't talk shit about her"

Fucking shit, fuck off.

[–]i-am-the-prize22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

you need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy and go through the exercises. there is something in you that is allowing her to walk all over you like this and its not healthy.

you owe it to yourself and your kid(s) to get squared away. ignore this Bish and focus on your own longest LTR (hint: it's you).

[–]babybopp2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude has been mentally cucked so hard. She literally told him she wants him to lick the cum off her pussy from another dude.

The answer to OPs problems is one we see here on a daily basis. Op, READ THE DAMN SIDEBAR. Then put it into practice. read illimitable men. Read sun tzus art of war, the rational male etc focus on shit tests. She basically has you wrapped around her finger with her shit tests. Practice stoicism. Understand how to deal with shit tests.

Then Once you are done reading ...

Do it all over again

[–]Zenitraaam37 points38 points  (5 children) | Copy

I gave an advice about meditation to a guy in the same situation not so long ago, so I'm just going to copy/paste it here.

Try meditation. I know it might seem awkward at first, but sitting in the lotus position while focusing only on your breathing really helps clearing those negative thoughts. Not so long ago, I was doing one session of 30 minutes everyday, but you can really do it as much as you want. People here are going to tell you to have sex with other girls, and it might be an even better solution. But it takes time and isn't immediate unless you're going to have sex without the girl's consent (which is a bit illegal). So yeah, try that once you have 30 minutes of free time. Just sit in a calm room, close your eyes, and breathe. You're done meditating once you're in a neutral state of mind (the negative thoughts aren't there anymore). That's it.

[–]imjustaman936 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

And remember you can meditate in any shape of form. I mediate while I run, focus on your breath and get into tunnel vision.

People over complicate meditation, don't be one of them.

[–]Richesbeforebitches3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can confirm, i went out running at 7 am the other day and i can say it was easier than sitting on the bed trying to meditate

[–]hippagun9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Follow this guy’s advice . trust me.

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not until you unplug forever. I tried it before when I was BP-ed. Meditation helps you to focus your thoughts and convert it into follow-through-able actions. But if your thoughts are STILL coded with the BP software, it'll only enhance that BP belief.

Stop skipping the foundation and face the truth.

[–]seefromabove1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And by the way, you don't even have to sit in the lotus pose, technically. You can lie down on your back , you can lay down on your side, you can sit on a chair with a straight back. Don't think that Lotus pose is an absolute requirement to do meditation.The goal of a sitting pose with the straight back is to prevent you from falling asleep, that's all.

[–]anthero16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get a younger, hotter woman.

[–]Rolfenstien23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bruv, she has literally 0 respect for you.

abundance mindset. So what this bitch is fucking some other geeza, that's her business. You wouldn't care if you were getting laid by some other bitches in the rotation.

If you do have a rotation and you're still thinking about her then you're way too overly invested. too emotional. put this wasted energy into something productive: getting huge, improving your rotation/ your game. you know the drill.

You might've thought she was the one but she ain't, her actions show you that, as well as her words and that's worse. some girls are good, others are bad, but at the end of the day, they all cut from the same cloth.

[–]leotard-princess2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

apples and pears cockney boy oh yes knees up muvva brown

[–]Bamse209 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

All you write here is about her. You also made a list about why she is dead for you instead of just letting her be dead for you... Wake up. All you do is for her, all you think is her. Stop. No lists, no thoughts, all communication strictly about picking up kids. Make list how you be better, what you do in gym, what you do in career, what you do to talk to people. This is all you need, read sidebar for other directions. Tldr. Change HER to YOU in everything. Fuck another girl(s).

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yep. Dude is on here claiming he is RP-ed but didn't even internalise the MPO mantra. Geeez

[–]antioch94[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

'' Red Pill – The recognition and awareness of the way that feminism, feminists and their whiteknight enablers affect society. An awareness of the dark truths surrounding human sexuality;hypergamy, women's AF/BB strategies, society's Feminine Imperative, sexual differences in emotional attachment, women's attraction to DT traits and sexual dominance/violence; Extremely politically incorrect, expect reflexive social ostracism for even mentioning the red pill in polite society. ''

Im aware of all that and i accept that. Like i said im trying my best to act red pill compliant but being red pill aware didnt make me boss like in some weeks. Thats not rp as is understand it

[–]thesoloronin1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Of course. I never said you gotta be boss level in like few weeks. It takes time and I understand. Just like I did. But being aware of it and internalising it are two different things.

Yes you are starting to be aware of it and that’s definitely a good first step but unfortunately you are still clinging to what is, I supposed is an inevitable struggle phase, the Blue Pilled cognitive software - putting her up on a pedestal and making her your mental point of origin for anything and everything you set forth from even right now.

That is being Red Pill aware but being Blue Pill driven. Stare down this path long enough and you’ll end up going either 2 ways, depending on how the situation unfolds - the Purple Pill, if you’re lucky, and the Black Pill, where it’s like the no-go zones for all the other pills.

Let that sink in.

[–]antioch94[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ok and how do i stop clinging on that? By following the given advice i guess.

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read one of my comments I guess around 13h ago in the mains. Comment there if you find it.

[–]TFWnoLTR8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man I don't envy you at all. I went through the same shit with my kids mom about 3 years ago.

Time is your friend. The more time passes between the break up and the present, the easier it gets. I never really found any surefire way to get that bitch out of my head, and for nearly two straight years everything in my life seemed to involve me considering how she would react to it. The only thing that worked was constant and steady effort over time.

There's no sugarcoating it. She absolutely hates you. She always will. Seeing you in pain and desperately seeking her approval is better than sex for her. You need to stop talking to her. Period. Stop taking interest in her life and just build that relationship with your kid. You'll keep trying to convince yourself you're only talking to her about the kid, but deep down you know that's not true.

Heres the harshest truth you need to face and embrace: she doesnt care about your fatherly opinions when it comes to the kids. She is only pretending when she seems to show interest in your opinion on important decisions involving them. She is only working with you to keep the child support flowing. If you havent already, you need to hire a lawyer and sue her to establish joint custody with the courts. Rest assured the moment you stop simping for her will be the last moment you see your kids if you don't.

Stop talking to her. Stop talking to her. Stop talking to her. Stop talking to her.

[–]signsoflife6206 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

She sounds like a toxic cunt. Have some respect for yourself man. I know it’s hard and most of us have been there but you need to fight out of it.

Think of it like a graph where time is on the x axis and your progress is one the y axis. You may have ups and downs but over time it keeps going up. Until eventually it passes a threshold where you’re FREE. Don’t let those down moments confuse you.

You’re a man on a fucking mission. Don’t let this vile women have control over you and confuse you from your life’s purpose. Replace her with other women, work, health.

Unfortunately those toxic behaviors and relationships can be really addicting, so you’re likely fighting a real addiction right now too. Just let time pass and work on yourself. What’s done is done. She might think you’re a beta now but imagine what a year of exercise, self confidence, and career growth can do for you. She’ll probably regret being a cunt and have to see you with healthier/hotter women.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are amazing! Leave her! She ain't worth your time and energy. Ahh

[–]boy_named_su4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think it's just gonna take time, bruh

For me, I can't help romantic thoughts of an ex until I fall for some other girl. TRP says to bang as many as you can, and I have, but it doesn't help unless there's feelings n shit

So get busy with other shit, and try to meet other women

[–]McLovinReturns5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're 26 you have your whole life ahead of you. Dedicate your life to yourself and your kid. Just treat her like she's an ant. That's all she really is especially after all that disrespect she gave you and for abusing your trust. Remember she doesn't care she hurt you cause she wanted to. She didn't care about you. She wasn't sorry for what she did. Shes only sorry she got caught. She should mean nothing to you. I'm not saying to hate her cause that's a waste of energy. She is nothing to you and you remember that. Now you should get in shape, focus on your career, go on cool trips by yourself, make friends, and enjoy your youth. Where there is a will there is a way

[–]antioch94[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you i will do that. I agree with you on everything. I'm working on myself now. Probably not enough but i understood my mission as a man in life. Constant improvement.

But i still think about her and i secretly want her even though i never could be in a relationship with her again or forgive her.

Maybe those thoughts will just disappear with time and with the progress i make in all areas.

[–]McLovinReturns0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is a matter of time. We've all been there. Just stick true and don't falter

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

One cannot “completely get rid” of beta thoughts cause they’re instilled in you. Considering that you’re 26, that is a lot of beta years to reverse.

She laughed at you with a used condoms on the table. How can you respect her, let alone respect yourself to still think about her? She disrespected you to the max bro.

Solution: Identify your beta thoughts and tendencies, and understand why those are wrong. Now that you know the RedPill, you need to fight and overcome those ideas one thought at a time. It won’t be easy. Keep yourself accountable.

You have to listen to that dark, resentful voice in your head that says, “fuck that bitch. I won’t let her get to me because she’s done the following....” and stick with it.

[–]antioch94[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for your advice. The story with the condoms is only one of maybe hundreds. I have many traumatic memories from my blue pill days . They come once in a while and they make me feel guilty about myself because i allowed all that stuff happen to me.

This and the fact that one side of me still wants her makes me angry and question myself.

[–]PinacoladaSauce2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look, I respect you for recognizing your faults and for actively willing to change them. You’re still blue pill obviously, but you’re taking the initiative to be better, and we were all in your shoes at one point.

First, find your mission. Whatever reason you have to conquer in your life, you must find it and focus on it. You must laser in and make it everything, make it a tangible fucking aura around you. When you have a driven and focused purpose, you become magnetic to all people of quality, not just women.

Additionally, it gets said a lot here, read the side bar and lift. Lifting becomes meditation. It becomes your sanctuary your sacred hill where no one can touch you and you can conquer your life and your inner demons. For me, lifting isn’t enough and I also do martial arts, and other fitness hobbies like surfing and hiking, but those are once or twice a week.

Read everything. Your mind is your best weapon. Keep it sharp. Start with No More Mr Nice Guy. that book is like having a therapist with you. Then 48 Laws of Power. Then Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida. That’s a sex book, and that will coincide with around the time you start really attracting women. From there, choose what you want next.

Excell in yo ur work and your life, and you will forget your ex. Wake up in the morning and stretch and meditate. You will learn to control your mind, well not really control it, but you learn to guide and to accept your thoughts. You become intimately aware of yourself, and all your flaws.

On top of this, you should be reading the sidebar and articles related to this community every day.

You do all this for 3 months,,, then see where your life is.

[–]KidGrizz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok my b don’t mean to offend u I just want to help man! Go get hypnotized or something Mx how can u want a bitch that did those things to u?? My baby mom did me dirty too! I vowed to never fuck that bitch again. When people do u wrong u gotta make them pay. The payment is that she never get to be with u again! U will never be with her again! U will not fuck her! U do not love her. She don’t love u! Get over her now. Keep saying this to yourself! She is the worst Man U gotta wake up. Do it for your kids if u can’t do it for yourself. Think how fucked up your kids will be if they see their dad being a cuck for a skank. Theo will figure out that she ain’t sht n theme they will look at u. Make ya kids proud man!

[–]Warframe_Immortal2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh man, wow, I feel a bit like you... I have this girl that sometimes I want to fuck just to get MY validation. It's ridiculous.

Many guys just we don't have barriers when we say STOP. We lost all our self-respect, I don't know why, maybe because we don't get enough pussy.

If we DID get actually a lot of pussy, we would throw that slut out by the hair and never look back.

But we (fucking betas, OMG hurts me so much when I call myself that), we let them do whatever they like so we don't blow our LITTLE chance to get her validation by her sucking our peepee (that's the reason BTW many guys today forgive cheating of their GF, they don't want to lose them and be alone).

I'm disgusted even writing that, because I have the same oneitis that I talk to myself I'm not chasing, BUT I AM! And it hurts me to the core to admit it.

If you have any advice for me I would love to hear them, I don't know what's going on, I'm in the best shape of my life, financially, physically but I feel BETA AS NEVER BEFORE. I used to have many girls....

[–]spartan_samurai2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are focusing all the time on your ex about what she is doing, how can you get her back, why you should hate her and it goes on and on and on.

Change your thought pattern and you will find the solution.

Keep yourself busy with hobbies or work and find someone better.

[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I answered this before earlier this week on a similar question about one’s thoughts.

Start journaling on either paper or computer. Write down exactly what those thoughts are. Journaling is one method of controlling ones thoughts to a degree.

[–]benjalame1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best revenge is to MOVE ON. Get a hotter, better woman. Getting rid of a scarcity mindset is probably one of the hardest things we as man need to go thru, but just fucking do it. Whatever it takes bro.

[–]joyo821 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have gone through some very dark shit. My deepest compassion for you, bro. If you found yourself in a self-repeating "Sweet-Mean-Cycle", where every act of kindness from her side made you feel over the top - only to end up being disrespected again, you are probably the victim of abuse. While consistent meditation and lifting have been already mentioned and are absolute essential, also educate yourself on "Cluster B" personality disorders. Get a copy of "Psychopath Free" and read it at least 3 times. It will help you to reclaim your sanity.Since she has been cheating on you multiple times, make sure your children are actually yours (paternity test).

If you find yourself dwelling in unproductive thoughts about her, just do a physical activity like 20 push-ups or squats - do this right at the moment of realization and continue with what you have been doing. Repeat this pattern, when your thoughts reappear.

Remove/Sell everything in your life that will trigger memories towards her (eg. furniture, clothes, pictures etc.).You are 26, get your financials in order and lay the foundations for a good career.

All the best for your journey!

[–]antioch94[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

thanks, bro. Yeah it was exactly like that. Like a rollercoaster. It started after she left me the first time. It was an on/off thing. I was plan b for years and this sweet-mean-cycle thing happened the last years. I got extremely dependent on her. I think this evolved into some kind of addiction.

[–]joyo820 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey, sorry to hear that. You are not alone.
Yes, that sweet-mean-cycle is exactly some kind off addiction. It's similar to that dopamine rush you get on Social Media-Likes and slot machines. Over time you become addicted to it without even realizing. Since you don't know what happened you will always feel anxious and unhinged and the allowing the whole cycle to repeat over and over again. The good news is, now know. All the resources are just one google-search away. That book will help you, to figure out what the heck just happened. Meditation will give you the self awareness to notice when your mind is playing tricks on you. Lifting will keep your body occupied and reduce restlessness. Also stay away from alcohol and worse stuff.
Good Luck!

[–]Huntbutt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"How can i get rid of these BETA AF thoughts? It just hurts."

easy (short term) go fuck someone prettier than her

long term i dont think you can, there will always be one who you like more than the rest (and who you stay sad about depending on the circumstances of it all) ive come to just accept this.

[–]Elprez911 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

As harsh as this sounds she got everything she wanted from you a child, child support and you're always there. You lost the battle on that one but you don't have to loose the war with yourself keep improving and move on for the sake of your health and child's sake.

I hope you find peace.

[–]antioch94[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I know that she won this battle. But when i look back i didnt know shit about all this stuff. I was 19 when i met her and she treated me like a god. I thought shes the one. I hadnt much experience with women before her. Only one or two girls..

[–]Elprez911 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not how you start its how you finish mate. You have to get this one shit out your head for your own sake.

[–]KidGrizz0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yo go buy a hooker u sound awful !! Please go buy some pussy! Please go meet other women! Get new women! A lot of us went thru this sht but u need to let it go now! U sound like u like being a cuck like wtf man get your sht together now!!! I’m Not playing wit u!

[–]antioch94[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I bought some hookers and i couldnt even get hard. It was a waste of money for me. I was a cuck but like i said im not talking to her anymore. Only if she calls or contacts me because of the kids.

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The greatest revenge is being happy. She's laughing at you because you're miserable.

[–]Number1sun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get that bitches child support

[–]seefromabove0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Consider cutting energy links between you and her. There may be scripts on how to that using visualization, or there might be hypnotic recordings, or somebody else can do it for you. These connections are a legitimate phenomenon and that's probably why you keep thinking about her even though logically you understand that she disrespected you. Try to work on this problem on the energetic level.

[–]Cerohero0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Workout, eat healthy food not the processed depressive ones. oneitis is temporary once you start DIGESTING the pill. Talk to prettier women spin them, forget about the world grieving on you game other prettier more women. Don't get butthurt when friends check on you or the social media laughs at you. Completely read the sidebar and understand the forgotten wisdom of our power, real male power not the feminized common baby boys

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I still have the wish to fuck her. Something in me wants her validation. Sometimes i think that she thinks about me and i still believe she is '' a good person ''

I used to think this, up until the point when my ex would create a façade of enjoyable sex when we were doing it and then as soon as when it was done, she reverted back to the leash owner mode quicker than the Millennium Falcon's Kessel Run by giving me the cold shoulder and the bitchy fuckface. That was crystal clear in giving me the indication that the intimacy was indeed a chore for her and it was a godsend that she even permitted it for me WITH a façade of enjoyable pleasure.

Needless to say, I found out later on that that façade was a physical manifestation of her imaginary pleasure with the Alpha, that which I could unfortunately never replace for her, playing inside her head. I was cucked psychologically, emotionally, and physically.

This is why you need to KILL. THE. BETA. Or it will literally kill you.

I have forgotten how many times Rollo iterated this like it was a religion, because as a praxeology, it pretty much held up quite as solid as one.

[–]SteveSan820 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Read The Rational Male.

[–]antioch94[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I did. The book was one of the eye openers. While reading this book i could see everything that happened in a different light. I was so blind no wonder i let myself treat like garbage without all this knowledge.

[–]SteveSan820 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Im not really sure why you still have feelings for her after all that. She clearly has no respect for you and openly makes fun of you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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