I'm 26 and im red pill since beginning of this year. I have been through some crazy stuff with this girl. She is the mom of my childs. Left me some years ago and i chased her for years in order to make the family thing happen again. Allowed her to use me as a doormat. I got cucked hard by her for years. She kept me on the line.
Luckily i found the Red Pill. After that my live started getting better. I have a lot of work to do.
My problem is that i still have those desires and thoughts about her. Currently she has a fuckbuddy and she completely ignores me. She doesnt give a fuck about me and i know this. I'm not chasing her anymore.
My Red Pill Mindset wouldnt allow me to do something beta towards her because i know that this would only make things worse. I cant willingy do something stupid anymore when i know the outcome only hurts me.
I still have the wish to fuck her. Something in me wants her validation. Sometimes i think that she thinks about me and i still believe she is '' a good person ''. My rational mind tells me that this is not the case but my thoughts are beta AF. My beta side is waiting for the day she calls me. Everytime i have to speak with her my beta side wants her to tell me something sweet. Asking me out.
I made a list why she is dead for me so i can remember this stuff whenever i think like that. For example she offered me to get back with her after she had her fun with her current fuckbuddy.
She said several times that i have a small dick. One time i picked up my kid and there were condoms on the table. She just looked at my face and laughed about me.
I could write all day long. Normally she shouldnt even be in my mind only if i talk about logistic of the kids.
How can i get rid of these BETA AF thoughts? It just hurts.