I have never enjoyed sex but I want to - Please Help!

teaandtalk · 2018-04-25T21:21:16+00:00

This might be difficult given your upbringing and experiences, but I'd suggest masturbating. Spend some time BY YOURSELF touching yourself gently and paying attention to your sensations. Potentially consider getting a bullet-style vibrator for external use only. Go SLOWLY. If that isn't possible due to hang-ups, talk to a therapist.

carefreevermillion · 2018-04-26T00:17:57+00:00

I am going to say some things that may not be well received, because there are some serious red flags here.

You say he's your soulmate and best friend, which is nice to hear. But when you go on to say you can orgasm alone to fantasies you wouldn't want to see him in, that rings serious alarm bells. It also doesn't seem like he gives you tingles, as you admit your body feels nothing in response to his. It sounds like you're not attracted to him, which is not a negotiable thing in any relationship.

I would try to insert him into those fantasies, regardless of your "ick" feelings, and also seriously introspect and see if you're having the female version of the Madonna-Whore complex (Jesus-Chad complex, maybe?), where you cannot reconcile viewing him as your partner and father of your children with viewing him as a sexual being.

carrotriver · 2018-04-25T22:35:43+00:00

Unconventional answer but I have a friend who is actually a sex therapist and works with ladies exactly like you! It might be something to look into.

KittenLoves_ · 2018-04-26T08:03:36+00:00

I'm hoping I can provide some relevant help. I'm not sure what disorder you have, but when I was a bit younger I suffered from something similar, albeit to a lesser degree. In essence, I had vaginismus (uncontrollable muscle spasms in the vagina that make penetration if not impossible then unbearably painful) until I was in my early 20s. I went from being completely unable to have sex, to able to have sex painfully with a lot of lube, to actually able to enjoy it.

You've mentioned that you masturbate, but do you masturbate via inserting something or other, or is it solely external? If only external, I would suggest starting to masturbate with something small. Not a small dildo. I'm talking something thin and short, like the size of a pen (I don't suggest actually using a pen for hygiene reasons).

If you find that when you're about to engage in sex with your boyfriend you start tensing up, getting anxious, etc, make sure you start with a LOT of foreplay, use lube, and work your way up to penetrative sex -- have him finger you first for example, in order to loosen you up, relax you, and prepare you for penetration.

I know some people don't like the idea of thinking of something that isn't their partner during sex, but sometimes, especially if you have trouble getting in the mood/loosening up, it can he helpful. You might want to close your eyes and think of whatever thing turns you on the most.

I hope this advice has been helpful and I wish you all the best. I know firsthand how difficult such a situation can be.

carrotriver · 2018-04-25T23:12:07+00:00

Blow jobs, lots and lots of blow jobs.

dashdotdott · 2018-04-26T00:04:56+00:00

Turtles are great

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-04-26T18:25:09+00:00

Well if this is a medical condition, I don't know that there is much that can be done.

Would it be possible for your doctor to prescribe pain medication for your illness? Does pain medication work for this kind of thing?

McLuhanSaidItFirst · 2018-04-29T05:09:36+00:00

If you don't mind explaining, what was the operation called ? What kind of physical therapy? Because it might be relevant, and I see a lot of advice about the relationship and the mechanics of sex but I still don't understand your physical/anatomical situation.

The bit about being able to orgasm with fantasy is puzzling, too. We're a bunch of random strangers on the Internet - we're not going to judge you (I hope!), so can you tell us what fantasies you find effective? It seems like another possible key aspect.

You also say

sex has always just meant pain to me

but if you have been with him since you were already 23 years old, and that was the first time you had sex, what caused sex to 'always' mean pain if you'd never had it?

Was there something sex-negative in your childhood besides the Catholicism? There are sex-positive Catholic families, so maybe it wasn't necessarily Catholicism.

Aren't you too young to remember pre-Vatican II ? that was the early 60's and you're only 29? Not doubting you on any of this, just thinking more information might help us point the discussion more closely.

Title	I have never enjoyed sex but I want to - Please Help!
Author	carrotriver
Upvotes	18
Comments	30
Date	April 25, 2018 9:07 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8ex47b/i_have_never_enjoyed_sex_but_i_want_to_please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-have-never-enjoyed-sex-but-i-want-to-please-help.67272 https://theredarchive.com/post/67272

Comments