I lost a wonderful man because I am not physically attractive enough or independent enough to be an asset instead of a stressor.
A few years ago I was obese and did not take care of myself or my looks. I am in the process of remedying this - I have lost a lot of weight, I'm growing my hair out, exercising, taking care of my skin. I look much better, but I am still overweight. A few years ago I dropped out of college because I was not mentally well enough to handle it. I moved to a new country and recently came back and have had trouble finding employment and the steps I am taking in order to land a career will take a few months.
I met a man who has what I consider a great balance of Alpha and Beta traits for me. We started dating. We talked a lot about my self improvement and how lovely it will be once I've reached my desired weight and progress further with my career goals.
Unfortunately life got a lot harder for him all at once. He changed careers, had to deal with some legal issues, family issues, and financial issues. I was put on the back burner. I did not resent this, I knew the stress he was going through, and a part of me knew from the beginning that I was not necessarily a fit mate for him because of my lack of positive traits. The discussions about how great our future will be when I become more independent became a source of worry for him instead of something to look forward to. He consequently became less emotionally invested in me. I told him that he had become less emotionally invested in me. He broke up with me. He rationalized it, saying "I don't want to neglect you," "I don't want to stop you from pursuing your goals," etc, and I told him that I understood, but that the truth is he simply doesn't like me enough for the stress that I add to be worth it. He agreed with me.
I'm not one to hold on to regrets. But this was entirely my fault and entirely preventable. I know what changes I need to make and have been doing so for the past couple of years. How do I get over and deal with a lost opportunity in my current state knowing I am to blame?
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