So I've been lurking this sub since my breakup back in January and it's really helped me with working on myself worth and confidence. FDS doesn't advise hookups, but I did get into one about a month after the breakup and it really helped remind me that other people are out there and provided something I wasn't getting from my ex. Sort of part of my moving on process. I recently started talking to another guy now that I feel moved on from the ex, but I'm finding myself slipping back into negative habits and I really want to shake myself out of it.

We matched on Bumble about a week ago (I have some issues with that app, as I don't think it's healthy for men to sit back and do nothing. I have no problem going after someone if I really want them, but I think it causes guys to take what comes to them). We quickly moved to a phone conversation and ended up talking for hours. The connection seemed really incredible and we agreed on so many things. We ended up meeting for an outdoor date with masks and that also went super well. Also lasted hours. I was honestly feeling like I had found the one, no joke. He was opening up to me about things and it felt so genuine. He said he's not the hookup type at all. I've been through the whole "guy tells you things to hook up and ends up being a fuckboy" thing before so I thought I knew what to look out for. But I think I got too swept up in my feelings to see certain things.

There were various weird things that I brushed off because they were so small and I'm pretty accepting of small oddities, especially on a first date where the person might be nervous. There were also a lot of grand statements he made which I felt flattered by because I'm a sucker for compliments/movie style romance if I'm being honest. What started to bother me a bit was that he would claim sex wasn't a big deal/required a connection for him, yet I feel like we were constantly talking about it. He was opening up so much about certain things (I won't get into them as to not give too many details away), especially his sexuality and preferences and some emotional things. It sort of made me doubt the thought of him being manipulative, because I would think someone being manipulative would maybe give a crumb of vulnerability in order to get you to open up. But this dude was wide open. I can honestly say I have more potentially embarrassing photos/texts from him than he could ever have from me. Probably lovebombing.

But a few days ago out of the blue, he ignored me for a whole day. It sent me back into my anxious self. I refused to chase him so I never sent any texts during that time, but it really sent me reeling with confusion. When he returned, he seemed completely normal and just as enthusiastic as before. So I figured that maybe I was over-reacting. But then the next day the same thing happened. A whole day with nothing. But since then, the texts have been sort of boring and just not the same. I'm honestly just over it, but I'm willing to wait a few more days and see how it pans out. I understand not wanting to talk 24/7, but this is ridiculous. If you've been talking to someone new, you wanna share parts of your day once in a while.

My theory is that he could have some sort of mental health issue causing the extremes. Or he's just a lying manipulative asshole. We have a mutual friend and she seems to think he's a sweetheart with no bad intentions at all, but maybe she doesn't see a certain side to him?

I honestly cried yesterday out of frustration. I'm sick of this behavior in men and being disappointed. And I cried because I was embarrassed for myself that I ignored red flags and that I thought so highly of someone so quickly. How do I guard myself against this in the future? I don't want to feel like I need to be suspicious of everyone and assume the worst. I took a risk and opened up to someone and went with the flow of my feelings and it seems to have been for the wrong person. I know I'll get over it because I always do. It's just disappointing.

What do I do now? Ghosting isn't my style because I'm not an asshole, no matter how hard I would want to try. If I bring it up it gives him the chance to apologize and try to be manipulative, but it would also give the possibility of a straight answer. I honestly hate letting fuckboys get away with this behavior. Or I can just act like everything is normal and just let it fade. I have no intent to chase him, but I just want this to go as smoothly as possible. Should I just try to find someone else and attempt to distract myself?

TL;DR Got pretty deep with a guy pretty quickly, he's got a sudden change in behavior and it's causing me to revert to my anxious pickme mindset. Not sure what to do or how to keep this from happening again.