I just got into an argument with my mom on the phone that left me in tears.

So I recently broke up with a guy I dated for 7 months. He was a complete loser: lived with me rent/bill free (even though he had money) for 7 months, drank too much everyday, smoked weed, lied, had zero goals in life, plopped his dusty ass on the couch everyday and watched tv, has been working at the same minimum wage job for the past 8 years (he had a trust fund from his grandparents, that’s how he had money), etc.

More importantly, he would also sometimes get very hateful/violent when he drank too much. You get the point.

I was in a completely different headspace when we started dating/while we were dating and I also drank a lot. I cut out the alcohol and 2 weeks later broke up with him and kicked him out for good.

This sub has played a LARGE roll in opening my eyes and helping me change my clownish ways.

So my mom was aware of the type of person he was and she knows why I broke up with him. I’ve expressed in great detail to her how I was such a clown for forgiving him over and over for fucked up shit he did - for disrespecting myself by letting him disrespect me. This whole time, I’ve expressed how I was the fool for allowing this.

Well last night I gained another perspective on the whole situation. I have a puppy who is still learning to potty train. I have to take her out at night before bed or she’ll go in the night.

Every single time I walk her at night I am afraid. I’m constantly looking all around me and feel like someone is watching me. I have scenarios playing through my head of him showing up and trying to really hurt me or my dog.

I bought pepper spray and that has helped, but I still have anxiety taking her out at night. And last night it dawned on me.... this is FUCKED UP!!!! I shouldn’t have anxiety to take my dog outside at night! I shouldn’t be living in fear like this but I am because a horrible man chose to use his strength to frighten me. I cried at this realization. I cried at how unfair it is that he is STILL robbing peace from me.

So I explained this to my mom and her response was “what so you want to try to change him??? What are you gonna do about this? You allowed him in your life, it’s your fault and what makes you think you won’t allow someone else like this in your life?”

I understand I allowed him in my life and let him stay even seeing the horrible person he was. I understand that moving forward, I need to look out for red flags (I didn’t even really know what the red flags were before this sub!) I understand that I need to respect myself. And I have expressed this in great detail to her.

All I wanted was someone to talk to about the other side of this story - the side he is responsible for. He is a horrible male for treating a woman the way he treated me, leaving me feeling unsafe.

I understand I have responsibility in this whole thing happening, but he does too. This also would have NEVER happened if he were a fucking decent man. And that side is important to me to acknowledge in my journey of growing and healing. I think it’s very fucking justified and important to be angry at him for doing this to me.

Am I wrong on this?