Background:

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for around 5.5 years and have been living with him for around 3 years. Like all couples, we have had our ups and downs but we have been mostly happy and content in our relationship and we love each other very much.

About 6 months ago, we moved out of the city we had been living in for 6 years, back to his home city. We lived in a 1-bedroom apartment in the city centre at first, but the city is very busy and full of tourists and neither of us could really cope. The apartment cost £425 each a month to rent. We did make good memories there and I had just begun to settle in and get all my belongings in order, when his father offered us to live in the house he just moved out of in the same city, but in a rural area, quite a lot further from the city centre. So now we are living in a 3-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for £250 a month – and his father and stepmother live around the corner in a new house they just bought. We are trying to save money because we want to move to America in a few years (he is an American citizen so the plan is to move after marriage).

The house is incredible and I am trying to enjoy it and be grateful, but I am feeling so stressed and unsettled. I just got the apartment in order and straight after I was packing everything into boxes again (NEVER move twice in 6 months). My parents and grandparents live around 150 miles away in a small town and they have been down to help us unpack boxes and put up our own art, and just anything that makes the house feel more like our place. However, all my belongings are still all over the place and I feel like I’m living out of a million suitcases. I also feel this pressure on me now that wasn’t there before, it feels like my boyfriend is vetting for a wife now, instead of just a girlfriend. I just feel like moving into this house has brought all my flaws to the forefront – I am disorganised, bad with money, untidy, and lazy, I hate cleaning – the only thing I’m good at is cooking. He does often talk about our wedding and our kids etc., but I feel hopeless because in my current state I would make a terrible wife.

Our current routine is something like this – gym 5 times a week, work 8 – 4 Monday – Friday, food shop on a Sunday, cook healthy meals every day for lunch and dinner. Occasionally visit each set of parents. He’s in a band so he sees his bandmates 2 – 3 times a week. I see my friends 1 – 2 times a week. Another things is that our house is in the middle of nowhere so you have to drive to get anywhere really, and although I am insured on my boyfriend’s car, I am very scared of driving. I learnt to drive in the country, and I am so nervous on city roads – especially the city we just moved to, which is extremely busy.

The thing is, I just feel like my life has changed in an instant. Before it was laid back, the gym was 5 minutes’ walk from the flat, we went out for dinner and drinks a lot, we had parties, and we had sex up to 7 times a week. Now, we get up at 4.45am to be in the gym for 5.45am. We both go our separate ways to work afterwards. It takes me an hour to get home and when I get home, we help each other to make food, I load the dishwasher, take a shower, repeat forever or so it seems.

Sex has died down for some reason too. We used to have sex every morning after the gym, but we don’t have time for that anymore. I have explained to my boyfriend that we need to find time for sex in our new routine, and he says he knows, but still we only have sex twice a week which is not enough for me. He literally fell asleep when I was riding him last night WTF.

We used to be party people and take recreational drugs together (we still smoke weed everyday). My boyfriend isn’t even drinking alcohol these days (I drink alone at the weekend). I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, it's just a fact that we used to have a bit more irresponsible fun before.

I know that I need to grow up, but I don’t have any woman to go to for advice. I can’t relate to my mother (our lifestyles are too different), my boyfriend’s mother is my boss (long story) and is divorced. I don’t even know where to start.

Please tell me, how can I start enjoying my house and my life?

How can I clean and organise it when I have no time?

How can I accept that my fun and easy-going life is over?

How can I start budgeting better?

Sorry for the rambling.