(This is just all about the individual who develops an issue consuming porn. I'm not even going to touch the mountain of problematic shit which is the porn industry itself.)

Ahh, the drug addict in a relationship. Let's count the ways, shall we?

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  1. What's common for addicts to do? Try to normalise their behaviour and get you involved in their lifestyle. wHy don'T YoU tRY WaTChinG poRn WitH hIM?Fuck that. If watching porn makes you uncomfortable (what, naive young women being exploited makes you feel nervous and sad rather than horny?), you don't have to fucking watch it. The fact you are being asked this after you've raised your discomfort is a BIG red flag. Being asked to do degrading acts that appear in porn is also a big red flag.
  2. The lying and sneaking. Sooo much lying. Be that you asking them 'what was that?' when they quickly change what was on the screen to telling you they deleted their collection of 2000+ images, but you find out a few days later they never did. I am telling you now this invisible monster that keeps a gap between you and him will never ever go away.
  3. A lot of their free time is wasted on this shit. Leisure time will be used up searching for more porn. Even if they are playing a computer game or watching a show, they are still half-browsing for stimulating content on another screen. Their brain is getting fried and nothing else is getting done properly. These minutes turn into hours. So much that could have lead to a more rounded and fulfilling life will never get done.
  4. If it escalates, you can't be surprised. As mentioned before this is not the case with all porn-watchers, but there are a significant number, especially those with addiction issues, who have to search for more and more degrading, shocking and outright illegal content to get the same buzz. How do you feel about that? They might not die from this drug, but their morality will.
  5. It will taint all other aspects of the relationship. His addiction gets priority and his ability to function in a relationship becomes secondary. If we got a dollar for every time we heard a man's porn use was messing him up in the bedroom we'd be millionaires.
  6. They will manipulate you into feeling bad so you will get off their back, even if they do love you. If you hear any of the following:

“I have it under control.”“I can stop anytime I want.”“You are just jealous because I can have fun and you can’t.”“You never want me to enjoy myself.”“It’s your fault I’m this way.”“You don’t even try to understand how I feel.”“You wouldn’t say that if you loved me.”

You need to leave. Period. If being porn-free is a standard for you, you will never find it with this man. You are not asking him to not find other women attractive, that's ridiculous; but porn consumption like this is a whole other ballgame. Don't be bullied into thinking it's not a big deal. It very may well be normalised in our society, but it is not okay.

Your man could be sweet and kind in all other ways, but if he can't control his habit then you need to get out of there. You can cry, you can beg, you can bargain, but unless it comes from their own inner strength they will not give it up. If you are not comfortable with his porn use I can promise you it will wear you down -- your self esteem will tank, your trust will tank and your self respect will tank. You will lose yourself.

I feel so bad for guys (and girls) who could have been so much more but have warped their relationships and brain with this toxic shit, not to mention losing a shit load of precious time. I fear we have lost a lot of potentially HVMs to being exposed to hard core on-tap porn from a young age. It's sad.

I'm not saying all men get addicted, but a large portion struggles and it's their partners who need to deal with the fallout. You only needs to look at /relationships, /deadbedrooms, /nofap, /sexaddiction etc etc. The list goes on.

If you have a gut feeling your bf has an issue with porn, just leave. He may very well love you, but his endorphin rush loves porn more.

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(If you are a guy lurking here and you have a gut feeling your porn is an issue, listen to it. You can get help and recognise this shit for what it is. Be strong enough to know it's not right for you and go against the grain; don't be put off by how it has been normalised. You can do this and we at FDS support you)

(If you are a woman reading this and think you are okay with any porn use of his, you need to be honest with yourself. Are you really? It is totally fine and understandable not to be. Live for your desired respect and standards, please.)

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edit: Want to make clear this is 100% applicable to more softcore versions like following and liking hot girls in provocative positions on insta etc. If it isn't your standard (which honestly it should NOT be), leave him.