Hello to my FDS queens! (Longtime lurker, first time poster in this sub)

I have been reading this sub for a while and working to implement FDS principles in my own life. I recently got broken up with by someone I dated for a few months and I wanted to know how you all would have reacted.

We met on Bumble, and this was my first legit relationship from a dating app. I've realized the challenge of this is that it's not like you have mutual friends or have known each other for a while/know about their personality beforehand or how they joke. When we dated, he made some sarcastic jokes but they were never extreme, mean, or bad. One day, we were texting and making plans and at the time I was unemployed, and asked him if he could come over to my apartment this time because I had a phone interview the next morning and wanted to just be staying at home. The beginning of the year was rough for me being in between jobs and on that particular day I was sensitive and sad. I put my phone down to take a bath and when I got out of the tub, I had a bunch of texts from him responding to what I said earlier, but one was:

"And fuck you, no I don't want to come over"

"JK!"

And then he continued on. I immediately burst into tears seeing the text. I have had a serious relationship nearly four years long, as well as a handful of other relationships and also have dated some sarcastic men, and none of them ever said fuck you, even as a joke. I responded back "fuck you? what :(" to which he realized he hurt my feelings and he started calling and texting to apologize profusely and was saying things like "I'm not as funny as I think I am" and that he was just "being sarcastic".

He then later told me he felt "wounded" (in his own words) that I didn't react to it well because that was how he joked, and basically after that our relationship wasn't the same. He said he was afraid to open himself up to me because he thought he would insult me and basically stopped communicating with me, and then ended things last week. I still am shell shocked at how a promising relationship (well, seemingly promising) went down the drain so quickly over a TEXT. I had told him that if things were in person, I would have probably understood the context better and since it was over a text, it just came off SO HARSH. I never dated anyone who even as a joke would text a girl they liked and cared about "fuck you" in any form. I told him that when you start seeing someone from a dating app, you're literally just getting to know each other and don't know how they joke or how they are with their friends. We were literally still just figuring each other out.

Since the breakup, I've been thinking like a pickmeisha. "What if I hadn't reacted to his text with hurt feelings?" "What if I was a cool girl and just laughed it off? "What if..." but if I did any of those things, I wouldn't have been ME. I am sensitive, caring, and not really someone who exchanges "fuck yous" jokingly to someone I'm with. If other people are, that is more than OK, that just isn't me. I feel very torn because I wanted to move past it and work on things, but then again, I should have realized that we weren't a match right then and there, too.

From an FDS perspective,

  1. Do you tolerate any sort of thing like this? The "fuck you JK" over a text?
  2. How do I go about eliminating this pickme "what if I just acted cool and didn't react" thought process?
  3. Sending texts like that is an example of a LVM, right?

Here's my thing, I totally think a situation like this could be different if you dated someone longer, or KNEW THEM MORE. He had also said multiple times "I thought since we have been talking the past two months you would KNOW this is just a joke and that it's so outlandish for me to say, it had to have been a joke."

I hate that it was spun around to be on me (multiple times I apologized for my hurt feelings about it). Also, as I mentioned above, he never said fuck you to me before or joked to that extent in front of me so how would I have known when I saw it over a text?

Any and all opinions welcomed! I know it wasn't the right match and I am working on moving forward, but I still can't believe that things went south so quickly because of this. There were other things wrong too, but this was mainly the catalyst that sent everything moving quickly down the drain.

Thank you all!