"Separated wasband asked kids to lie to me about his live in girlfriend

17 years 3 kids, he walked out in August and in a September he moved in with his girlfriend who is 20 years younger than me. He has been financially supportive, pays mortgage and gives me grocery money. He makes great money. Oldest son recently confessed that he and his sister were asked to lie- or omit telling me about the girlfriend.

He and I met at work on a career track both making great money fell in love, married then after first born my family was struck with a horrific violent tragedy. He encouraged me to stay home. We would open a business together after kids were grown. I became a stay at home mom and dedicated myself to kids. 17 years later he opened company with partner and created a successful business. I have no wants, everything was fine. We traveled, great relationship. Then a project of his goes wrong and he becomes introspective and closed off. When he left, the only excuse he gave was that he was over it. I am shattered and feel broken. 3 children, one with special needs that takes up a lot of my energy. I want to be myself again. Can I restart my life? Can I start over? I love him with all my heart but I know he is with someone with no responsibility and that showers him with adoration making him feel like I used to when we were first dating and married. I don’t want to be with him. He violated my trust and threw away our beautiful family. He says he just left me and not the kids. Kids are hurt but love him and want to see him. I say he can see them whenever he wants which is on weekends. I am starting to exercise, stopped drinking, going to church regularly, talking with a counselor but I am so tired and I loose my temper with my kids. I look in the mirror and cry because I am not young anymore. I cry because he promised to love me forever. I cry because we are not a family anymore and I’m frighted that I will not be able to take care of myself. I would like to retrain and re-enter my former profession but I know it’s filled with people just like his new girlfriend- who he met on a job and is probably going to be successful. I don’t want to feel I’ll will towards her but we were separated one month before they moved in together. This all makes me so sick. I feel defeated. Sometimes I make lists of my hopes and I write out my feelings. Scared to try after loosing so much."