Rejected For Not Putting Out

https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/fa1dkz/rejected_for_not_having_sex_soon_enough/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

r/datingoverthirty

u/davisadavi

Rejected for not having sex soon enough

"I'm feeling a little down. I think I keep getting rejected for not putting out fast enough. I'm a 36-year old woman who dates mostly men in their late 30s to 40s, and I try to go out with decent guys who say they're looking for LTR or marriage. But ultimately once we reach that point of them wanting to go all the way and me saying Not Yet, it’s over.

I consider myself a very sexual person, I love physical contact and would be happy having sex almost every day -- in a monogamous relationship of some sort. I just want to wait until I am exclusive with another person before getting it on. We don't even have to be a full-blown couple yet, I just don't think it's unreasonable to ask them not to be screwing other people if they're screwing me. Sex is meaningful and personable and vulnerable to me and I want to know someone a little before entrusting them with my body and my emotions.

I actually haven't had sex in over a year, even though I have had offers from some gorgeous men. A year ago was the last time I actually dated a man who was willing to wait a whole entire month before having sex with me and he eventually became my boyfriend.

Typical pattern: I start talking with a guy and agree to a date if I’m actually interested and we’ve been having great conversation. I tell them what I’m looking for and let them know my stance on sex early on and they say they're fine with it or agree with me. We go on a date, we hit it off after hours of talking and enjoying ourselves, and they always want to keep seeing me. If I feel they’re trustworthy I might agree to go to their place after two or three dates, always with a purpose like to cook dinner or to watch a specific show or movie. If they want to fool around with me, I'll ask them if they're okay just kissing or touching, BEFORE they get all excited and it's harder to hold back. Personally I love the buildup and anticipation when I really like someone. I love making out and massages and good ole fashioned dry humping. It's fantastic foreplay before the big deed with someone I really care about.

But then: they try to go as far as they can and I put up some kind of boundary, like um let’s keep our pants on while we make out. After that: Poof. They ghost or fade away or the nice ones sometimes friendzone me. One guy got super angry at me and said I almost sent him to the hospital because a man can get very sick if he’s turned on and doesn't ejaculate. He was up all night shitting after our date and it was my fault.

Do I just seem like a prude or a cock tease? Or am I just dating the wrong guys who don't give a damn about me? I don't intend to give it up just to make somebody like me me, but I wonder if I am going about this the wrong way.

**Edit after 500+ comments I am still reading through: Wow thank you so much for responding and giving me your feedback. I really appreciate the words of support and also the criticisms.

I hear you, and I am trying to rethink my approach. I say I want men to stick around long enough to get to know me and respect me before sex, but my attempts at fun and trying to express my interest in someone by with other types of physical affection could easily backfire if I’m not mindful of the other person’s expectations and feelings."