How do you unlearn seeing yourself through the eyes of men?

FuturePigeon · 2019-11-19T20:10:42+00:00

I have a three-pronged attack that may not work for all, but definitely work for me.

Weekly trips to my local Korean spa. If you're not familiar, Korean spas are separated by gender because for the most part, they are mostly nude only spaces where people focus on the self-care of their body in a spa environment. The ritual cleansing of my body and focusing on listening to what it wants (saunas, steam, salt rooms, a nap (yes, there are rooms just for napping!) is a time for me to be alone with myself in the presence of other women. Of course, it's etiquette not to stare but just by walking through a room I can see that there are many shapes and sizes to our bodies and mine is just as beautiful and valid as the others in the room.
Psilocybin aka magic mushrooms. Something about the ritual of shrooms (and subsequent long walks on the beach or through a park) really works to reconnect me with the beauty of the natural world. By understanding the flow of the natural world and my role in it, I can free myself from societal expectations and norms as to what I am "supposed" to be as a 40-year-old married woman.
Actively voicing my adoration and awe of the human beauty around me. My husband says that women compliment each other far more than men do, and I think that's unfortunate but not our problem to solve. We should tell each other when the other looks fierce, kind, strong, lovely, gorgeous, in command, etc. No woman is my competition, they are only my compatriots. There is no room for jealousy or envy in this worldview.

Personally I think the only way to unlearn it is to take men entirely out of your rearview mirror. How would you look if you lived in a woman-only space? What would you wear? Would you still choose to wear makeup (I think I would on some days, bare-faced on others)? How would you hold yourself if you didn't have to worry about catcalling or sexual harassment? Of course, we don't live in this world and for good reason (two of my favorite people are men) but by allowing ourselves to view ourself without limits, we can truly be free.

/end old lady hippie rant

flamingo_clouds · 2019-11-19T19:09:16+00:00

Knowing they literally win by making you as insecure as possible. That doesn’t mean being like “omg i’m the most worthy, smartest and hottest person in the universe” cause that just isn’t true (most likely).

But thinking about how desperate men are to make us believe the bullshit...the more desperate the attempts are, the less sincere it is. Remember that.

letsberealforamoment · 2019-11-19T20:18:08+00:00

Men will fuck mud, sheep, small children, and view all kinds of disgusting porn to get off. Most of the painful beauty rituals women put themselves through are WASTED on men bcause they'll just jerk off to cartoon barbie in Anal Fetish Vol. 876 at the end of day.

I will assume that right now, you do things to yourself to make yourself pretty for men (wasted effort). I'd say for 3 months....stop wearing make up. Stop torturing your hair. Stop wearing heels. Stop shaving your legs and under your arms. Go off chemical BC and make him snap on a condom, or just don't have sex. Assume you do all those things for men who don't give a shit or notice anyway. Go totally natural and then work backwards. Which of those things do you do FOR YOU, which of those things do you do FOR MEN? BUT DO.....exercise and eat healthy and get your body healthy if it isn't already.

I did that back in college. While i had a boyfriend (who later became my husband). He didn't even notice LOL.

FuturePigeon · 2019-11-19T19:27:56+00:00

Most of the time that inner emptiness comes from deep-seated insecurities formed in early childhood. In our adult life when we think we are moving towards love we are actually moving towards what's familiar, which is usually not love but a variant of the emotional unavailability that we were confronted with as a child when we diminished ourselves so that the world wouldn't feel as dangerous. This is why most of us attract emotionally unavailable men until we learn to be self-reliant. I found this free course invaluable in becoming familiar with my inner landscape: https://innerpathways.learnworlds.com/course?courseid=adults

Also what works for me is blocking out a lot of time to be alone with myself. We have become so used to seeing ourselves through the eyes of others (not just men, even friends, family, strangers, social media followers) that we live for an imaginary audience. Eliminate that audience completely. You don't have to become a hermit but schedule some time every day away from ALL of these people so that you can enjoy your own being without any external influence. For example:

Go into nature alone and sit there for an hour. Treat it like a secret between you and the trees/water/hills. Revel in the time that you are wasting doing nothing.
Go play with a dog or cat (or any animal of choice) for a while. Just you and the animal enjoying the moment.
Practice thinking about yourself in the third person from time to time. Who is this girl? What do you like about her? What attracts you to her? Be your own guardian angel :-)

RadFriends · 2019-11-19T19:47:27+00:00

I just don’t. I wish I could give you some advice to help you, but for me it became as simple as that. It wasn’t even conscious. I just literally don’t care.

DoneBeenHadBeenDone · 2019-11-20T02:38:53+00:00

Seeing myself through the disapproving eyes of other women has helped me a great deal

Pink_Pollyanna · 2019-11-20T04:03:31+00:00

What I've done is just stopped caring about men in general. I kicked my male friends who made comments on my appearance out of my life. I only hang out with my female friends and they never put me down. I spend more time pampering myself and taking care of my mental health, my body and doing what I like. There's nothing selfish about putting yourself first. I used to put everyone before myself and that was a huge mistake. I learned that I can forgive myself for past mistakes and that if I can be kind to others, I can be kind to myself. I used to wish I could be like others, now there's no one else I'd rather be but myself. I don't give a shit if a man doesn't think I'm good enough for him. I don't feel the need to prove my worth to them, because I know my worth.

CSQUITO · 2019-11-20T12:49:58+00:00

It’s not always through the eyes of men. My self criticism started as young as 2 years old in ballet class wishing my legs weren’t “fat”. I think it’s more about societies eyes, and as a woman, you might actually find that you’re just comparing yourself to other females.

Title	How do you unlearn seeing yourself through the eyes of men?
Author	kumquat_fds
Upvotes	51
Comments	17
Date	November 19, 2019 6:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dyooc7/how_do_you_unlearn_seeing_yourself_through_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-unlearn-seeing-yourself-through-the.688200 https://theredarchive.com/post/688200

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