What is a high value man (HVM)? What traits should we be seeking in a partner? Share your thoughts below.

Ruinedgirl22 · 2019-10-30T14:44:44+00:00

Mental strength, an innate sense of worth, abundance, a big heart, whatever the opposite of a herd mentality is, no fear of not fitting in/looking bad in front of the boys, independent, naturally attractive is good but knowing how to take care of his appearance is better.

trouble_ · 2019-10-30T16:22:44+00:00

I think a big heart and a small ego will cover most things.

And obviously being in a good place in life generally with jobs and the people around him.

alluringjustice · 2019-10-30T17:35:59+00:00

the ability to hold a conversation
generous on dates and in the bedroom
not a huge n-count, has been in a few relationships and he doesn’t trash talk his ex girlfriends
good relationship with his parents (esp his mum)
able to admit to his mistakes and takes action to improve them
a decent career

madandunabashed · 2019-10-30T14:54:38+00:00

Well there's the basics like he should have his shit together and he should love me because of who I am as a person and not because he finds me hot.

On top of that he needs to be:

smart, have well thought out opinions; I could never date a guy who can't think for himself
so funny I seriously question whether he's funnier than me
constantly working on improving himself as a person and I don't just mean at the gym
teaches me things and helps me become a better person myself
personable, charming, you know like the type of guy you actually enjoy being around
so interesting that I never get bored of talking to him and he should have really great taste in entertainment, too
able to recognize that the world works differently for women and respect that even though he isn't faced with the same type of problems, they matter
emotionally mature
socially aware so like emotionally intelligent as well
super concerned with pleasing me in bed

almost forgot:

graduate degree

TheLastUBender · 2019-10-30T17:38:53+00:00

Beyond the obvious (good provider, isn't an asshole, etc):

A high value man doesn't have a "boys will be boys" perspective of the world and embraces the fact that grown ass men should act like grown ass men. He takes responsibility when he screws up and doesn't need to be bullied, managed, or mothered to deal with the basics of life.

He puts your comfort first, treats you with respect, and doesn't push off accountability onto you when accountability will make him uncomfortable. And this makes them 100 times sexier than the average man!

The first time I was with a guy who wasn't afraid to tell his mother no and his friends what he wanted without trying to shift blame onto me ("Jupiter doesn't want me to come over tonight" "Jupiter doesn't like it when I do that" 🙄) I couldn't get enough of him! It was a huge turn on to be with a man who could handle his work, friends, family, and being there for me, like an adult.

I feel like that's the bare minimum you should expect from men yet so many fall short.

xframe420 · 2019-10-30T14:59:47+00:00

I don't know what the top end is, but I know where the cutoff is.

- No drugs, no smoking, no or minimal drinking, low to medium N-count with no major fuckups in their romantic history (kids, STDs or particularly insane ex-partners).

- Reasonably smart; education is optional but I'm kinda particular about what education (no transgender turtle studies). Plenty of people are smart but don't have a degree.

- Not at a dead-end professionally or personally; working on themselves.

- No or low debt and not spending outside of their means.

- Attractive, sexually compatible, and happy to go at the relationship pace I like (glacial).

CSQUITO · 2019-10-30T20:27:09+00:00

Someone who doesn’t think that humility is self deprecation - in my (very short experience of dating) this is often a red flag for guys who are accustomed to trauma bonding. It can also be the sign of a vulnerable narcissist or someone who will emotionally drain you out and not provide you with the emotional support and comfort you’re looking for

CSQUITO · 2019-10-30T20:27:48+00:00

Also guys who don’t freak out if they find out you have a skill/good job/money/status/achievement/growth.

toleodo · 2019-10-30T15:46:36+00:00

I’ll focus on online dating filtering out since for me it was the most annoying part of finding a relationship:

Upfront about what he is looking for - if they are being vague or saying they are POSSIBLY looking for something deeper or just wanting to see where things go, run. You deserve to know whether you are in for hookup/fwb or in for a potential (like, actually potential) relationship, unless you Iike the idea of a defining the relationship discussion looming over you and being afraid he will bolt at the mention of it. I understand it can come off strong to ask them outright and seem desperate for a relationship when you want them to chase you, so try and use dating apps that allow for selection of what the user is looking for and dodge the losers who are themselves dodging a straight answer selection or are seemingly just down for anything.
Go after men who are looking to date women their own age, or at least are very open to it and don’t have a bizarre age range - I know dating older men is financially comforting when you are young, but avoiding the trade in for newer model men that think they are HVM is important. My current partner I honestly was briefly concerned about because he had previously dated a 22 year old when he himself was around 28 - he owned up to it and said the differences they had at even that smaller age difference helped him realize that he would be better off seeking a woman his own age.
Unless you don’t have a social life yourself, make sure he has a social life - honestly you want to be their priority but you don’t want to be their everything, it will start to impact your own social life.
Established or becoming established in a career - being educated in the form of a degree or a trade is very important typically, some men (especially older) could be highschool graduates that by luck made their way into an office job and immediately be unable to find a similar job if they are laid off.

coconutismyreligion · 2019-10-30T15:13:15+00:00

Provider, protector, leader. Nothing less. Or hard next

Assiral11 · 2019-10-30T19:07:47+00:00

This is from a video from OutThere2017 on YouTube (highly recommend watching some of her video's!):

"There are five characteristics that distinguish a TRUE alpha male from a self-proclaimed pseudo alpha male aka beta or, possibly, omega male:

1). He is always progress-minded and forward looking; he doesn't make excuses or complain and is always in a constructive problem-solving mode.

2.) He harbors no resentment or bitterness towards women; women mostly respect him and he has his healthy share of female admirers.

3) He minds his own business. He has too many important and worthwhile things going on to think 💭 about other people’s failures and successes or what others are doing right and wrong.

4.) He will never refer to himself as an "alpha male." A TRUE alpha male is an alpha male by default, not even consciously.

5.) He will probably never see this video. "

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-g45lx_Mps

Mamainas · 2022-08-16T04:57:02+00:00

Emotional availability, temper control, respect.

Many men lack in these traits. I’ve met and hooked up with a lot of men from Bumble, Tinder, and Adult Friend Finder and I’ve only met very few men with these traits. For me these are some traits of a guy that has potential to build an amazing family. Women doesn’t have to do all the work you know.

Title	What is a high value man (HVM)? What traits should we be seeking in a partner? Share your thoughts below.
Author	floralay
Upvotes	15
Comments	20
Date	October 30, 2019 2:37 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dp7lkc/what_is_a_high_value_man_hvm_what_traits_should/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-is-a-high-value-man-hvm-what-traits-should-we.689167 https://theredarchive.com/post/689167

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