How much wait is too much wait ?

cohost3 · 2020-06-14T16:37:17+00:00

Age is an important factor here. How old are you?

Mewster1818 · 2020-06-14T19:48:31+00:00

"Cohabiting and sex will pretty much be an obligation for me"

Don't let others dictate what you are or aren't comfortable with. If you're fine with this, then by all means go right ahead, but it shouldn't matter if your religious or secular if you aren't comfortable with this then don't feel like you have to do it. Just be completely honest with your partner about your boundaries, the worst thing that can happen is that you find out they won't respect your boundaries and you can decide if that's a deal breaker for you.

I have seen premature cohabiting of couples turn toxic and trap everyone in a terrible position, I have also seen it go perfectly fine. So it's completely rational to be wary about big steps like this.

Like others have pointed out you have plenty of time for milestones, I personally discussed my goals with the men I dated. I wanted to be married or at least engaged by 25, and I want to start trying for kids before I'm 30. I treated these points as non-negotiable, and while it did "scare off" some guys I'm all the happier for it. I didn't want to waste time with people who don't have the same goals for the future, and I refuse to believe that it's better to be complacent for the sake of getting a boyfriend and going with the flow, than honest about what you want.

My husband and I started dating when I was 23, I was engaged at 24, married at 26, and we're currently trying for our first child now at 28.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-06-14T16:41:02+00:00

If everyone is an established adult then they should know if they want to marry each other by a year. If they aren’t engaged then either they don’t want to marry each other (keeping their options open or “trying to decide”) or they are wasting time for the sake of wasting time. I wouldn’t wait much more than a year. This changes if he’s still in school, etc but then there should be an articulable goal that he is waiting for.

As someone who’s done it and as someone who isn’t religious at all, I think living together and sex before marriage are harmful. It changes it from a clear interview process to something fuzzy that people might find fun to spend some time in.

But if you’re going to do it I think moving in should wait until you have a clear stated plan for marriage. Sex should wait until you are sure your goals align.

_Misak4_ · 2020-06-14T19:11:49+00:00

pffffftt , just decide for yourself, when you want, then have a conversation with your parthner,you're making a big deal out of this and if you end up not liking him like you think you do just let him be and meet new people,both opinions matter tho, be sure to listen to what he has to say as well, sex is not obligation tho, follow your feels and decide wisely, also if you feel in hurry you can prey for men too no need to wait, be confident

Dont_Settle_for_Less · 2020-06-15T14:54:15+00:00

Are you taking about marriage?

If yes and you're over 21, after two years there should be significant progression initiated by the man. There's no use to forcing an engagement out of him if he isn't willing. I would say engaged it clear wedding plans by three years, otherwise I'm leaving coz I'm not wasting my prime

kneesofthetrees · 2020-06-14T18:48:31+00:00

Hey, I am not religious, I live in the USA, and I’m twenty years old.

Personally, I believe that cohabitating should be saved for engagement/marriage, but I’m about to break that rule myself when my boyfriend and I move to a new state this fall, because living together makes sense logistically and financially in this situation. I am okay with this because, we are on track to engagement and share each other’s views on marriage and family, despite having been together only a few months. I feel happy with this choice but I do understand the risks involved, and I certainly wouldn’t be moving in with him if we weren’t making this big change!

I believe that your relationship should have some level of commitment before you share a home. But what that level is will be different for everyone, that’s for you to decide for yourself. Also, you might change your mind as your views change, when life/financial circumstances get tough, or when the opportunity to move to an exciting new place comes along!

When you do decide to share a home with a man, you should have clear, honest conversations about what you expect from each other in terms of finances, housework, cooking, and maintenance. But you also must discuss your personal needs for alone time, time with friends, and dates as a couple outside the home. Ideally you will take time to sort this all out before you ever start looking for a place to live.

Best of luck!

ManguZa · 2020-06-14T18:00:03+00:00

A woman shouldn't wait but actively inspire "milestones".

Boris_CRO · 2020-06-14T22:49:17+00:00

After 3 years that cohabitation is marriage by all but name.

Title	How much wait is too much wait ?
Author	Soft-Motion
Upvotes	17
Comments	20
Date	June 14, 2020 4:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/h8wmn7/how_much_wait_is_too_much_wait/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-much-wait-is-too-much-wait.697587 https://theredarchive.com/post/697587

Comments