How to get rid of the fear of being dumped spontaneously?

2020-07-17T11:57:41+00:00

He could wake up tomorrow and dump you. You can’t predict or control it. But you will be FINE if he does. You’ve weathered breakups in the past and are in an even stronger position now to weather that turmoil. Remind yourself of that.

Neorago · 2020-07-17T12:55:52+00:00

It might happen. It does happen. It happened to me too - someone I went through thick and thin dumped me out of the blue. I think it's more that they can't keep up the pretence of being patient and kind anymore once they've had you for long enough. Men do get bored of women. That's on them. Your job is to not be so dependent on a man that the thought of them leaving will destroy you.

punkiwi · 2020-07-17T11:58:16+00:00

I suggest you practice mindfulness so that you live in the moment and enjoy the here and now instead of worrying about something that hasn’t happened.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-07-17T14:45:53+00:00

Anyone can get dumped, at any time. It works both ways. Scarcity mindset is a real thing. It’s never about you, always them. If it stings, allow yourself the moment to acknowledge you’re human and feel things. In my life, they’ve always come back. And then I’m the one gently explaining, “ nah, you don’t like me. You dumped (cheated, abused, lied whatever fits) me right? Clearly I don’t make you happy.” They always want to explain themselves haha.

You gotta look at things from a general mindset. You could go to work and get fired. That’s scary. But getting dumped by a bum ass man? Lol. Nope

LadyGrimes · 2020-07-17T15:18:11+00:00

Don't allow yourself to get attached until you've seen several months of mutual commitment. Always keep up an emotional barrier between you and them.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-17T14:40:08+00:00

Fuckboys do not dump you for being boring. They dump you because they cannot keep up the charade they’re running.

Do not internalize their fraudulent escapades.

AppropriateHoney6 · 2020-07-17T15:05:39+00:00

He can leave you any time , but so can you. Take back your power. YOU should be looking out for signs that he is worthy and if not, you walk. Remember if a man walks on you: HE isn’t worth it. Nothing was wrong with you, it was all him. Rejection is God’s protection. Say AMEN that those f***boys left your life out of the blue

circescircus · 2020-07-17T14:17:00+00:00

Did you take a break from dating after your bad experiences?

How long have you been dating this guy? If it's under 1 year, especially under 6 months, you haven't finished screening. Instead of thinking this guy is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and feeling afraid that you'll lose him, just screen him and see if you want to dump him yourself or not.

And if he does dump you... what big loss was it? If he dumps you before wasting years of your life, knocking you up, and in doing so he shows to you that he isn't into you and doesn't care to use you for years and years, that's not a bad thing.

Being close friends with him and him having seen your ups/downs is mildly concerning to me. Guys like this are rarely ever the savior, they just enjoy knowing what all your vulnerabilities are. Some also have resentment for having been a "friend" to you for years. I'm not saying your guy is like this but maybe take off the rose tinted glasses.

Also who brings up discussions about feelings? Do they just happen and you say too much, or does he pry for information? If he pries for information that is a huge red flag.

Instead of worrying about if he's going to dump you or not, SCREEN him.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-07-19T03:47:19+00:00

Be more afraid of losing yourself than losing him and you’ll be set

OrchidLion · 2020-07-18T03:33:44+00:00

I dont think theres much advice on here, and stuff like "he might dump you. you cant control it" is likely triggering and unhelpful.

I think it's best to continue therapy, and come to the conclusion that you are strong, and have survived it in the past, and can do so even better if needed in the future.

Also, that logically, it happening in your past doesnt have any connection to what will happen in your future. Every person is different, and your past doesnt predict your future.

You know this logically, but you need to really feel it and believe it, and only time and therapy will help you see that.

"For the first time ever now I am in a relationship with a man who is sweet, caring, respectful and who I’ve been very close friends before with for a long time. He saw me at my worst and my best and stayed the whole time and he gives me now reason to doubt that he is serious with this relationship."

This paragraph seems to indicate that he is different than your exes, and so I would think that means his actions are different than your exes actions. He behaves differently than them and if he's already seen your "worst" (in your words) and still stuck with you, then what does that tell you?

Title	How to get rid of the fear of being dumped spontaneously?
Author	sleeparalyzis
Upvotes	28
Comments	16
Date	July 17, 2020 8:07 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hsru98/how_to_get_rid_of_the_fear_of_being_dumped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-get-rid-of-the-fear-of-being-dumped.713471 https://theredarchive.com/post/713471

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