Another bad dream. When do they stop?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-07T17:12:10+00:00

You might look into trying EMDR with a trauma-informed therapist who works with people that have PTSD.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-08-07T17:19:21+00:00

You def need therapy. that's the only way you're going to stop having those nightmares. It's the only thing that worked for me.

MelatoninNightmares · 2020-08-07T18:05:32+00:00

In my experience, they go away when you feel safe, not when you logically know you're safe. Dreams are about emotions, not logic. When you reach a place in your life where you feel safe and calm and protected most of the time, they start to go away. They come back if something happens to make you feel unsafe, but then they go away again.

featherflowers · 2020-08-07T17:32:25+00:00

Therapy helped me. I also had nightmares of my ex, frequently when I still had to deal with him on a regular basis. They've been far less frequent but I find i will have them when I'm dealing with something in my current life that makes me feel unsafe or reminds me of past abuse. Even though your ex obviously can't hurt you now, there might be something going on for you that is bringing up your old fears. Your subconscious wants you to address it so that you don't get yourself into the same situation or repeat the same patterns.

Reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van see Kolk was very helpful to me (I listened on audible because there was a lot of information I would have found tedious to read but was easy to listen to with the narrator's voice). Why Does He do That by Lundy Bancroft and Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. Gaining insight into the dynamics of trauma and abuse while getting therapy was really helpful to me but if therapy isn't an option these books are a great place to start.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-08-07T18:03:19+00:00

It's a very typical response to trauma and I hope you know you are not alone with experiencing this, especially after a toxic relationship. I would experience this frequently after breaking up with a toxic ex and what helped me was...

Therapy
Researching trauma and reading books related to domestic abuse, healing, and books on how to identity warning signs in the future so I felt empowered in the future to be more vigilant of the red/yellow flags
The most important thing that really "flipped the script" thought for me was openly sharing my experiences with trusted people (a few select ones) and now I am gradually opening up more and more about the emotional abuse I endured to others. It actually ended up helping a friend identity they were being mistreated as well and it is holding myself accountable to my female support system so they can remind me of other flags I may overlook in the dating process since they are aware of the trauma/challenges I am overcoming in leveling up so they can reinforce my progress and give some honest/blunt input when I would go on dates too
If possible, see if you can get into a relaxing night routine to decompress. I would NEVER scroll social media or watch anything heavy before bedtime and I would drink some nighttime tea, a hot bath/shower, some pampering (paint my nails or face mask), or take a melatonin to try to unwind when I felt like a nightmare or something could happen.

cupittycakes · 2020-08-08T04:54:41+00:00

I use to have those same kind of reoccurring dreams about an ex. He wasn't abusive and I didn't fear him, but I was in intense agony about the breakup. It literally took me years to not hurt anymore.

I read about when you have dreams of someone chasing you, trying to kill you, it's that your mind is tormented over that person somehow, that they are causing you great emotional pain

So, being years later, I wonder if you've been thinking about him lately? It definitely could be ptsd like others have said.

Therapy is never a bad idea, and can only be beneficial.

Title	Another bad dream. When do they stop?
Author	gracefullrose
Upvotes	16
Comments	17
Date	August 7, 2020 4:26 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i5gwcu/another_bad_dream_when_do_they_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/another-bad-dream-when-do-they-stop.722739 https://theredarchive.com/post/722739

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