My husband had me quit my job and hobbies. I would like advice on how to talk to him about it.

HB3234 · 2017-09-07T01:25:22+00:00

Isolation is a hallmark of abuse. Removing you from your job takes your independence, so that you financially rely on him and he feels he has more leverage. Then he wants to isplate you fron your gym amd workout community and then your sewing community.

Run, don't walk, away.

Captainsgirl · 2017-09-07T03:06:19+00:00

Look love, I'm from a background that is probably as old school as it gets, but nothing you've said here should be a red flag for a confident man (which is the only kind of man worth submitting to.) He has a problem with you working out and teaching women and CHILDREN? No. Sorry, but no. Unless they are taking away from your duties at home, (which is not described here) your interests would be nothing for a real captain to concern himself with. This man sounds insecure and abusive. You are not required to submit yourself to a poor captain.

Lucretia99 · 2017-09-07T01:43:49+00:00

Not only does he sound insecure, but this behavior sounds dangerously abusive. I would be looking at the relationship VERY carefully and determine if this is what you really want for, presumably, the rest of your life.

I hope it's not.

ThorsdaySaturnday · 2017-09-07T03:11:52+00:00

What everyone said, he has multiple red flags for abusive behavior. A truly strong man would NOT be threatened by your career and hobbies. He's isolating you and putting you in a prison. RUN.

teaandtalk · 2017-09-07T01:42:59+00:00

There are some red flags for abuse here. A couple of questions: 1. Has he ever hurt you physically?

Is he from a different culture to you?
What is your relationship with your own family?
Do you have many friends?

rabbitcoast · 2017-09-07T01:26:51+00:00

What does he expect you to do with your time? If you don't know ask him.

Going off what you've presented, it sounds like "nothing that makes you attractive or near other men". That's weak as shit, and will make you bored, less attractive, and depressed like you are. This should not be an acceptable answer. Hopefully, he says something else.

SirKolbath · 2017-09-07T01:01:10+00:00

He's insecure.

A man, a real man, is fine with his woman's hobbies and job. He understands that he has exceptional value and he is there to support and nurture as much as he is there to be supported and nurtured. He wants her to work out and expects her to look her best. I want my woman to be sexy as hell because I get to fuck her. I want other men green with envy when they see her put her arm around me.

It means that I WON.

He doesn't want you to be attractive, because a man who is better than he is might become interested in you and he's too lazy to compete.

Does he improve himself? When was the last time he went to the gym, read a nonfiction book, or otherwise increased his personal power?

If the answer to those is "I don't know", "He hasn't", or "Never" then he is not worthy of the respect you have showered on him.

SouthernAthena · 2017-09-07T04:06:53+00:00

This has been said many times, but it bears repeating: this is extremely controlling behavior that could easily lead to abuse. I do not say that lightly.

For context, I'm the kind of person who thinks it's inappropriate to have close 1 on 1 relationships with members of the opposite sex and would find it totally within reason for my SO to ask me not to hang out with men alone, go to bars by myself, go to clubs without him etc.

However, you were doing completely wholesome activities that good men would love to see their woman participate in. He sounds deeply insecure.

As someone else said, explain to him the importance of those activities to you and tell him how it is negativity affecting you to stop and leading you to self-destructive behaviors. Then go back to doing them. His reaction to you taking (very reasonable) control will tell you everything you need to know about how much he truly cares for your well-being.

Xoramung · 2017-09-07T01:15:55+00:00

what is he building all the red flags in you? everything RP says if she has no hobbies, bad signs. Why does he hate it?

Jaythrowawayredditor · 2017-09-07T03:15:25+00:00

He is insecure. He thinks guys will hit on you and considering how he treats you.., eventually it might happen. I understand that he uses the core of traditional values and how important that means to him but you basically gave up on all the things you used to love in order to please him. So he has the final say, right? Please go back to what you did. Don't let depression sink its teeth on you. Marriage doesn't have to be boring. It can be exciting. What better than to have a wide who does volunteer work. Who also teaches dancing to children? Who is active? But he wants you in the house doing nothing. Or doing house work like our Grandmas did back in the 40s.

You need to talk to him and express how unhappy you are and that you don't need his permission. If he is insecure reinforce his sense of self worth by telling him you love him and blah blah, you know what to say.

If he insists on making you unhappy.., you may consider next steps. You don't want to end up posting in dead bedroom subreddit. Or in adultery. Some guys won't let their women be happy because for them happiness is all about them and in order to get it they will crush what ever resistance their women have. Hope he understands how you feel but something tells me he knows it and he knows you will give up and don't fight much.

mrpthrowa · 2017-09-07T15:31:39+00:00

I was young when we met and got married and won't deny some things needed to change

Can you expand on this?

Cardiscappa · 2017-09-07T02:34:56+00:00

I can think of two scenarios:

A) He is the real life version of Norman from Rose Madder.

B) He sees your self destructive behaviours of drinking, sleeping and thinks your hobbies contribute to those actions and wants you to hang out with his family in an attempt to assist you not being buzzed on booze all the time.

Which scenario do you think is more reasonable?

SouthernAthena · 2017-09-07T03:29:26+00:00

what has become of rpw????

Yall talk about alphas all day. THIS is what an alpha is like in a relationship. I feel for you, OP. I'd either bunker down and get used to this --- he will not change and you have to accept that --- or divorce him. Those are and will always be your two options.

Title	My husband had me quit my job and hobbies. I would like advice on how to talk to him about it.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	16
Comments	32
Date	September 7, 2017 12:32 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6yjr98/my_husband_had_me_quit_my_job_and_hobbies_i_would/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-husband-had-me-quit-my-job-and-hobbies-i-would.73385 https://theredarchive.com/post/73385

Comments