Want To Be Less Of A Shrew

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-09-19T15:59:54+00:00

Being mindful has never worked for me- I'm an active kind of person. I give the same advice to everyone trying to make new habits, but I honestly think it works.

Get yourself a journal- I use bullet journaling because it works really well for tracking a bunch of different things. It is easy, customizable, and good for people who may not like a traditional journal.

Page types I think would help you:

Organize your cleaning schedule so that the home is always neat and orderly- even better if you can fit it in while you're off work and he is still on.
Habit tracker: include things you do for him (make him breakfast, lay out clothes) to see how often are you actually doing that. Include things you do for yourself (working out, skin care) because your self-care is just as important. Track how often you stay on top of your cleaning schedule too.
A mood tracker. Keep track of when you're feeling sad (or happy, angry etc). Then when you have some time to reflect, really focus on what made you feel that way
An attitude tracker. When you notice that you've gotten snappy, mark it down. Later go back and see what might have caused it and how you'd like to respond next time. I think that last part is key- it isn't enough to say shoot that was bad, you have to think about what the correct response would have been. I think that has the most success with changing the future.

Finally, I recommend a physical reminder that you don't want to have that attitude with him. I use a hair tie on my wrist. When I notice the behavior I want to change, I move the hair tie to the other wrist. It forces me to leave my mindset and focus on how I want to be.

girlwithabike · 2017-09-19T14:55:37+00:00

I'm sad a lot so I'm snappy. I'm trying to be more mindful about it but it isn't really working.

There are a few books out there that might help. The Surrendered Wife (I haven't read but it comes up on this board quite a bit), For Women Only and my personal rec: The Alpha Female's Guide to Men and Marriage.

I think you need to read so that you can work to change your mindset. These books might help you to see things from your guy's perspective. The realization that my husband see the world differently than I do really softened my attitude towards him. From there a lot of other things fall into place IMO.

Waldorfmutti · 2017-09-20T15:12:27+00:00

Do you behave like a shrew or does your SO tell you?

I would suggest you find out what helps you feel wonderful. If we feel good, confident and sexy we are less likely to be wroth. Also, please find out the cause of your sadness.

He also tends to have problems trusting me

His cup of tea.

Yet the amount of time he spends on his phone bothers me.

Me and my SO leave our phones on a desk near the entrance. Out of sight out of mind. We are not paid to be aviable 24/7 by our bosses and friends and family call the landline. Maybe suggest something similar?

It's not easy with people telling me that's a sure sign he's cheating on me.

Trust but verify. Men DO cheat.

est-la-lune · 2017-09-19T15:41:10+00:00

I think your problem comes down to a lack of self-esteem!

I'm sad a lot so I'm snappy. I'm trying to be more mindful about it but it isn't really working.

Do you have depression? I think you could benefit from seeing a therapist and having them professionally gauge your feelings. Even if you're not depressed, they may be able to give you resources to improve your mood. Remember, your boyfriend is not your therapist and your feelings aren't his fault.

He deserves the best. I just know I'm not giving it to him and I'm not sure how to fix it.

What is the best? Identify what you want to change and become that person. For example, if you want to become a better cook take a knife skills class and practice making recipes from the internet. If you want to dress better, throw out your old clothes and create a capsule wardrobe.

Now, about the phone. A lot of people have smartphone addictions and it doesn't mean your boyfriend is cheating on you. Mine uses his phone when I leave the room to look at memes. :P He is also very open with his phone and correspondence. If his normal behavior changed, I'd be concerned.

It's also possible that because you're insecure about the relationship, he's hiding something on his phone to protect your feelings. For example, if you saw messages he exchanged with an old female friend or close relative, he may think you'd get jealous. Is that a good thing? No, but it's not foul play either.

If you feel comfortable elaborating, what is something you've done that makes it hard for him to trust you?

HB3234 · 2017-09-19T15:21:11+00:00

Is there any history of any level of infidelity from either of you? What behaviors does he not like/has asked you to stop? What's his phone usage in terms of % time you're together?

natrahhh · 2017-09-19T18:15:06+00:00

Give him massages and scratches; especially if he has a physical job . 100% will spark much love for the both of you if you really want to be of service to him. Making his coffee is only a thank you. Physical touch is a THANK YOU BABY I LOVE YOU FUCK MAN. All this other advice is mental crap, to heal the mind you must heal the body. He will love you tenfold for this and it will make both of you feel loved and connected and just bloody awesome???

I am an active man , so yyeeep.

Edit : He is probably grump because his body is grumpy after working hard. Help to Heal that and many doors will open

Edit2: Deeeeeeeep hard massages maybe with some pain is how a man really wants to be touched. Shoulders / neck muscles ( head and neck massages are by far 100% my most appreciative spots to get ) spine / butt / feet are all great spots for an active person. Really kneed the muscles like you're ringing out a towel , see what is good for him. Maybe get him a foam roller, whatever man msg me if you want some real fucking advice or questions

MGTOWManofMystery · 2017-09-19T19:25:31+00:00

Give him space and don't overwhelm him with verbosity.

Future_Alpha · 2017-09-20T17:32:27+00:00

Read the 'Taming of the Shrew'. Follow it like an instruction manual. Done.

nonamanuensis · 2017-09-19T18:05:49+00:00

I just know I'm not giving it to him and I'm not sure how to fix it

What are you not giving to him? The best? Have you straight up just said to him, "Given your demanding hours and the extra time I have, what do you want me to do? I'm thinking X,Y,Z but I want to know what you want." And listen.

It seems he's asked you to not be on your phone and you are bothered that he is on his?

Tell us more about your "attitude."

Title	Want To Be Less Of A Shrew
Author	RainbowKitty77
Upvotes	11
Comments	35
Date	September 19, 2017 1:33 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/712zk7/want_to_be_less_of_a_shrew/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/want-to-be-less-of-a-shrew.73453 https://theredarchive.com/post/73453

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