How do I keep the good ones around?

Rivkariver · 2017-11-05T19:49:13+00:00

You say you are sweet and devoted. This is a high value quality. My question is do you act like a high value woman? If you give away the devotion when it's not earned then it loses its value.

Do you try really hard to make him like you? Or, as Laura Doyle says, do you remember that you're also interviewing him to see if he deserves your devotion?

If you give it away without assessing him, he can tell. Your devotion is not valuable if he thinks you give it away without discerning.

ElderMeow · 2017-11-05T15:55:49+00:00

A possible contributing factor could be that at our core, us men need to be providers of some sort. We don't need to be the sole breadwinners, but men NEED to feel needed to maximize our romantic relationships.

Being level headed and able to support yourself are not bad things in and of themselves. They just have the added negative of throwing your male's relationship needs out of wack. You'll just have to identify other areas where you can make your man feel needed.

BlikkWas · 2017-11-07T07:03:34+00:00

Trying not to make any assumptions here as I don't know much about your behaviour. Although when my friends describe a similar issue it's generally a result of the following:

Too clingy
Not giving up any control (or making all the decisions)
Either overly sexual or not at all
Only talking about your accomplishments/interests rather than showing interest in him.
Behaving overly critical

sheepwolf117 · 2017-11-06T03:05:05+00:00

Perspective from a guy that has done this. I simply lost emotional attraction to the girl the longer I dated her and the more I found out we differed on the things that are important for me. She was just like you described yourself, good looking, good career, devoted, etc. She simply did not fit into my life goals that were more important to me than she was. When I realized it wasn't ultimately going to make me happy and I that I could find someone who fits into my life better, I ended it.

ElonMusksPotatoes · 2017-11-05T10:37:41+00:00

Have you asked them why they left?

salixcaprea · 2017-11-05T09:34:58+00:00

The same thing happened to me a few times. No reasons, just the typical; "It's not you, it's me."

I'm beginning to belive, that we attract partners that we think we deserve. Relationships, that will act-out our childhood traumas so we can relive them, griveve, and move past them.

There is a lot of information on the internet about "inner child" and relationship dynamics that steem from our childhood or current unmeet needs. Unmeet needs are not always positive.

I have no idea how to move past these things and get into higher frequency. Not in some new-agex way.

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2017-11-05T23:11:28+00:00

If you are 20 and own your own home, as a single young woman you are intimidating to men your own age. A great "career"?, at 20? Why would you even need a man?

Reflect on what a man wants and needs, and align with the life stage of the quality man you are targeting. See through their eyes. An older man may be what is better for you.

mwait · 2017-11-05T14:45:01+00:00

How old are the guys you are dating?

If you are dating guys around your age, it is possible that you are simply intimidating them. I mean, it sounds like you are about where a 30yo woman should be at 20.

You may want to consider starting to date men in their late 20s/early 30s. A more accomplished, confident man is more likely to be your match IMO.

NorrisChuck · 2017-11-05T06:39:46+00:00

Where do you find them?

theoppositeopinion1 · 2017-11-08T22:52:12+00:00

I am devoted, rather laid back, have a great career, own my home, am good looking etc.

Being devoted is good, but should be earned. IF you're devoted from day 1, it means you probably are feigning it, he's not special, and you've probably done it for every Tom, Dick and harry you've come across.
Laid back is tricky and it will depend what you mean by this. Some people misinterpret this as being aloof and uncaring. Some will bend over backwards to seem laid back, but then it's misunderstood as being 'just not that interested' in the relationship. This isn't necessarily a good quality to strive for. Balance.
Men simply don't care about your career. I'm sorry to say that all your effort at work has almost effect on your value in a relationship. The things that men look for in a relationship are often not there in women who are career driven. Availability, support, nurture and willingness to sacrifice are much more important, and career women often have none of these qualities, or at least let these qualities take a backseat to their careers. it's more nuanced than this, please forgive
As for owning your own house, I would even consider this a bit of a negative than a positive. Many here might disagree with me, but it could be interpreted that you've set yourself up for life and "don't need no man, strong independent woman!". Many people, both men and women, prefer their first house to follow marriage as a milestone in life, right before kids. You've jumped the gun as if marriage wasn't important. Maybe that means your priorities aren't the same. Buying a house efficiently means you're staying there at least 5 years (otherwise it's a bad investment, see /r/personalfinance). You're committed to being there by yourself for years. Think about that.
Being good looking is important, but be careful you don't look like the boss at work. The goal here is classy and feminine - not 'looking good for the boardroom'. There's a big difference.

Waterboo2 · 2017-11-05T23:08:15+00:00

I’m going to assume you have good Smv and all that, so I won’t say anything about that.

You own your own home at 20, that is a big deal. If you date men who are apartment renters, this may make them feel inadequate, so you may need to fluff their egos in other ways. Tell them they’re doing a great job at work, frequently compliment their cooking, fitness endeavors, interests.. whatever they excel at. Make it crystal clear that you enjoy being around them. It’s possible that you did not make them feel valued enough, even though you didn’t mean to

LateralThinker13 · 2017-11-06T15:40:09+00:00

Not much to work with. Tell me; are you age 20, with your own home AND a great career? How does that work exactly? It sounds like you were born wealthy and have graduated into accomplishment. What man can compete with that?

Not many. So are you looking at those who can?

theoppositeopinion1 · 2017-11-08T22:17:20+00:00

I am devoted, rather laid back, have a great career, own my home, am good looking etc.

Only two of those things matter, while other things that do matter didn't make that list.

GreenTeaOnMyDesk · 2017-11-05T15:58:22+00:00

They don't care if you have your life together. Who cares if you have a great career or your own house?

Title	How do I keep the good ones around?
Author	tiacatdoit
Upvotes	23
Comments	25
Date	November 5, 2017 6:05 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7aw0lv/how_do_i_keep_the_good_ones_around/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-keep-the-good-ones-around.73718 https://theredarchive.com/post/73718

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