Substance abuse equals LVM

2021-01-26T10:25:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

marshmallowqueen_ · 2021-01-26T10:29:13+00:00

My ex-NVM was a cokehead, pill taker and binge drinker and the abuse he made me suffer was insurmountable.

Me, being naive, didn’t realise he was even using until he came home late one night with bleeding fists (from fighting, he loved to fight) and had a ‘breakdown’ where he confessed to his drug use. He was angry, nasty, confrontational and subjected me to all kinds of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

Having never touched drugs myself, and not moving in circles of friends that did so either, I didn’t know the signs to look out for. But he admitted that he was doing it every weekend on nights out with the ‘lads’ 🤢🤢🤢

My hard-earned money that I would give him to help him out with ‘bills’ were actually being sniffed up his nose. I have kicked myself so many times for the clownery 🤡🤡🤡 but I try not to be so hard on myself these days - I am a kind person that was taken advantage of and badly abused.

My current partner is (so-far) displaying the makings of a HVM. I made it clear from the beginning of our relationship that I am 100% uncomfortable with drugs and if that’s something he’s interested in then he can go ahead and enjoy, but I would have to walk away from knowing him for my own mental health. He assured me it’s not something he’s interested in and he respects my boundaries knowing my trauma. I have said that if he were to take drugs then I would have to end the relationship because it would be betraying me and violating the boundaries we set out in our relationship. It would also show a complete disregard of my past experiences and a lack of humanity on his part to not consider how much it would hurt me.

My past means that I’m inherently distrustful of all men. My partner is wonderful, loving and has never given me reason to doubt but I still fear that he’ll betray me by taking drugs. Your post is correct OP and it goes to show to never get involved with druggies EVER. They will leave you destroyed, used, abused and you then have to try and pick up the scattered parts of yourself and mend it back together.

Samvanderkamp123 · 2021-01-26T15:54:35+00:00

Also, stay well away from guys in early recovery. Even if they are clean and sober, they have a huge amount of growing up to do. They are feeling and dealing with life unmedicated for the first time as adults. They are literally learning to be an adult. Many jump into relationships because they can’t do life on their own.

There is a huge incidence of porn addiction and sexually acting out amongst these guys. They talk this spiritual talk but they are chasing multiple women and they are glued to their phones.

Also, these guys have to deal with on-going consequences: criminal records, poor employment history, debt, tax issues, no driver’s license, huge insurance premiums. They are bottomless pits of need.

I’ve seen so many women get into relationships with these guys, spend time and money helping them, only for the guy to relapse or cheat.

weekend111 · 2021-01-26T13:12:01+00:00

I used to volunteer with drug addicts. I’ve been punched in the face by dopesick men. I was taught to both have empathy for them and to keep my emotional distance.

The first thing you have to understand about an addict is, they’ll never not be an addict. Their addiction can go into remission, but it’s at best dormant. It’s always there.

The second thing, for an active addict, you’re never the most important thing in their life. Their object(s) of addiction are.

The third thing is, an addict who’s really deadset on getting better understands it’s his burden to not only fight his own addiction, but to ease the pain of those he’s hurt along the way. If he’s trying to emotionally leech off you or complaining you’re not being supportive enough, he’s not serious about getting better.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-01-26T16:15:43+00:00

Run far away from substance use. It’s used instead of coping skills and therapy. You will not be the priority, the drug will.

Chemical crotch lol apt description

shoo_coworker · 2021-01-26T19:27:58+00:00

Idk if any of you know of Marc Rebillet, he's an improvisational musician. Comes up with really wacky and inventive stuff. Before he was famous, he lived in my town and I used to see his shows. He started noticing me, we matched on a dating app, then we started talking casually.

You'd think that someone so cool and creative would have a really interesting personality and tons of cool hobbies, but nope--literally when I asked him what he did for fun, he said he was "really into weed." Like, he didn't just casually smoke--he was into "weed culture," whatever that means. He turned out to be extremely boring, which was a massive disappointment.

Drugs make people boring because they start to depend on them to the point that it gets in the way of their hobbies and personalities. Messed up and sad to see, but doing drugs is a concious choice and it reflects a person's discipline. Any substance abuse is automatically a pass for me.

EveSerpent · 2021-01-26T20:14:42+00:00

I’d include smoking in this list as well. I used to work with a heavy smoker who tried to quit. I was happy for him at first for taking a step to improve his health.

He was generally a decent guy but when he quit, he turned awful. Rude, mean, awful to work with and I had to work closely with him twice a week. This went on until he went back to smoking.

Would have been fine then except he decided to repeat this pattern every few months. It was terrible because I couldn’t avoid him.

On top of that, smokers are maintaining an addiction they almost certainly developed as a teen. If you can’t or won’t move beyond a teenage behaviour as an adult, it’s a massive red flag.

Throwawaylikehay · 2022-02-23T01:10:55+00:00

thank you for this post!

i wanted to add: be very wary and careful of men who recently stopped.

as soon as his personal life got unbearable, he went back to it, especially when I specifically told him at the start of our relationship to not do it again. Rather than confront and resolve inner turmoil, the weed and drinking until drunk (even though the latter was not a recurrent situation), his actions showed me the real him.

1 issue was that he did not respect my boundary. The next issue, which was painful to me, was that he hardly respected himself, his own health.

I prayed for that man to find peace, clarity, and happiness. But he did not make his choices to become healthy and free.

Some battles are not ours to fight.

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Title	Substance abuse equals LVM
Author	like_onomatopoeia
Upvotes	117
Comments	10
Date	January 25, 2021 10:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/l4zu8u/substance_abuse_equals_lvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/substance-abuse-equals-lvm.737274 https://theredarchive.com/post/737274

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