My boyfriend treats me like his mom

Littleknownfacts · 2018-02-23T17:45:29+00:00

How do I get tap into his innate masculine desires? I FEEL like he treats me more like his mother than a girlfriend, how do I break out of this?

Initiating sex yourself can be a nice change of pace and might spark the change in behavior that your looking for. However, it's not really a viable long term solution and can lead to covert contracts and resentment and further damage your relationship.

I would consider changing how you relate to him instead. Next time you go out on a date night get a cheap THOT dress (Lulus is a great site for that), and MAKE him see you like the sexual being you are. Make him lust after you. Send him racy texts all day, maybe a naughty picture or two if your comfortable with that. Men are pretty simple creatures in that respect. Try to make it so he can't hold back anymore!

___Morgan__ · 2018-02-23T19:48:56+00:00

You didn't really describe exactly what you wanna do in bed. You want him to whip you, make you lick his boots? You want him to just be rough? The only thing I got from this is "less vanilla" but not in what way exactly.

anothdae · 2018-02-23T20:43:49+00:00

So maybe it's bc I'm getting older I crave a different type of sex. I've probably always craved it but didn't know. I want him to take me and use me for his pleasure. I've told him this, and all he does is laugh and act a little embarrassed?! Is he afraid to do anything about it? I dress and act feminine, I always go down on him before sex- but he has little enthusiasm beforehand. I can sense him holding back.

First, tell him what you want. Not vague things, but specific things. Tell him to pull your hair from behind. Tell him to spank you so hard you will feel it the next day. Tell him you want to have a bruise the next day, and if you don't, you won't give him oral anymore.

etc etc

This allows him to do those things without fear of embarrassment.

People, even (especially?) in relationships, are embarrassed by their sexual desires. If you want more, the easiest way to get it is to experiment with things, step by step. Explore them together... not you just saying where you want to end up.

Don't make him do all the work here, (and take all the risks) especially if you are to blame for the situation at hand.

loneliness-inc · 2018-02-23T15:23:50+00:00

but in a way I feel I've emasculated him over the years to treat me with respect and respect my boundaries. I don't think he sees me as much as a sexual partner as much as his life partner/future mother of his children. I've conditioned him to repress himself too in a way. Does that make sense?

Yes, it makes sense. Many women do this individually and women do this to men collectively. Add current metoo and all the talk about consent over the past bunch of years and this is the result.

You can't have it both ways. Either he's gentle and respectful or he's in charge and you're subservient to his wishes. Always. You can't have it both ways.

The idea that he'll be a respectful gentleman most of the time but then magically take charge and override your boundaries, is nothing short of a fairy tale fantasy. (hello, do you hear yourself? Do you hear what you want from him? To risk being a rapist for your satisfaction? What happens that one time you really didn't want him to override your resistance... he goes to jail! Think about that)

I think I unconsciously shamed him over the years.

Stop right there. Take responsibility for your actions. Whether it was conscious or not, you're passing off responsibility for what you've caused.

I've been open with this to him and asked if he likes the changes to which he always says yes.

Don't ask and discuss, act. Implement the changes you want to see.

plein_old · 2018-02-23T16:12:57+00:00

I don't know if we can force someone to be more "themselves". Or force someone to be less repressed.

But we can force someone to feel more controlled by us.

What if you got more playful? Or more relaxed? Maybe those sorts of things would give your boyfriend room to be more relaxed too?

Whisper · 2018-02-25T01:18:44+00:00

The fact that you are so vague about what you want shows me just how uncomfortable you are talking about sex.

It's pretty clear, reading between the lines, that you want rougher and more dominant, maybe try some BDSMish stuff... that's fine, but he's not a mind reader. You're going to have to be able to communicate what you're into.

How much are you currently able to talk about sex with him?

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-02-23T22:39:46+00:00

You have been dating a man for 7 years in a specific way, and you expect him to just change overnight on a whim?

Regardless of what he could be, you have helped him become what he is now over the past 7 years. How long did it take before your repression of his masculinity made him docile? How long did it take before you denies of his sexual desires made him complacent? How long did it take before your efforts forcing him to repress himself left him with only part of what he once was?

From the sounds of your post is seems like you have slowly fundamentally dismantled and reconstructed this man over the past 7 years. Those years of moulding and grooming are not undone over a couple conversations. It will take a lot of time.

whitelight369 · Fri Feb 23 16:33:30 2018 UTC

Sounds like you've smothered the beast. Not ideal. I'm sure you'll figure it out. The beast in man needs to be let out, or our flame dies. Many ways to let it out, but when you have a partner...

A guys 2 cents. Cheers

[deleted] · 2018-02-24T00:35:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RAiderNat88 · Fri Feb 23 19:25:09 2018 UTC

I am 25 now, and have been with the same guy since I was 18. Never dated anyone before him.

You're now unconsciously searching for new alpha dick. The fact of the matter is you betanized this guy into basically a friend and now, despite what you say, you are not really attracted to him in the way that you desire.

So maybe it's bc I'm getting older I crave a different type of sex. I've probably always craved it but didn't know. I want him to take me and use me for his pleasure.

You want to be fucked in the most disrespectfully respectful way, the only way to do that would be with a man who knows how. Your dude is not that guy, even if he miraculously turns things around and starts to behave beta you'll know it's all just an act, that the mask he's wearing is not the real him. He needs to start over with a new woman in an alpha frame and hold that as long as he can and you need a man who isn't going to put up with your shit.

Title	My boyfriend treats me like his mom
Author	Mbclark429
Upvotes	19
Comments	17
Date	February 23, 2018 1:33 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7zo1pj/my_boyfriend_treats_me_like_his_mom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-boyfriend-treats-me-like-his-mom.74306 https://theredarchive.com/post/74306

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