Placeholder Girlfriend

lespetiteschoses · 2018-06-05T02:01:12+00:00

I think it's dishonest, emotionally immature and manipulative. Why bother being in a relationship with someone if they are only "temporary"

if you lead your partner to believe you're dating them seriously, then yeah it's a dick move to just keep them around for now. i don't think there's anything inherently "wrong" with dating casually though, if that's what both parties are into. obviously if you're looking for a serious relationship and he considers you only a placeholder, things won't end well for you!

this is why i think women should always, always make sure that they're on the same page as the man they're dating. it's really easy to get strung along, so if you're dating for keeps then clarifying where you stand on exclusivity, seriousness, a future, etc should all happen in due time.

BewareTheOldMan · 2018-06-05T13:57:31+00:00

Purple Pill "Debate"- I'm laughing over here....most of the folks that engage that SubReddit have very skewed perspective and views on male-female, romantic and interpersonal relationships. It a hodge-podge and "interesting mix" of a subset of people who refuse to accept responsibility for their bad life-decisions and stupid life-outcomes. More insulting is that many will defend their "ideas" with illogical and nonsensical arguments based in emotion, lack of facts, and "PPD Theory" to the detriment of the other person in a relationship. In short - only ONE person matters in any relationship...and it's almost NEVER the other person. The only perspective that matters is their own and EVERYTHING must work to the benefit of their own, personal, and selfish advantage.

Every now and then I engage useful and productive discussion in that forum, but not often. Many submitted topics and discussion offer little practical, useful, and actionable advice that could result in positive, mutually beneficial and productive relationships.

On occasion I notice, myself included, there are folks who contribute to RPW and state they are not in complete agreement with every summary posting, RPW principle, or theory, but it’s hard to argue against women who strive to be outstanding wives and girlfriends, and being better women in general.

But the topic – starter or placeholder girlfriend/wife or starter boyfriend/husband is dishonest, duplicitous and destructive to the unsuspecting party. I don’t see the issue in being open, honest, and upfront if this is someone’s intent. However, I note the following – "starter-anything" is a significant disadvantage to women and a huge win for men…again – assuming both parties agree to a starter/placeholder relationship. Men will definitely expect and petition for easy, accessible, enthusiastic, and wanton sex on a regular basis. Unless the dude is especially generous with expensive gifts, exotic experiences, and luxurious trips I don’t see how this benefits woman as they are burning through unrecoverable prime years for short-term gain and benefit.

If a woman is on board, fully aware, and in agreement it’s a non-issue. The issue is when women feel duped and misled based on malicious intent and conflated statements. There are many men who will argue that most women who experience this problem are seemingly aware of men’s behavior and intention regarding relationships…which leads to the fraudulent discussion over at PPD and similar forums.

Bottom line – I advise young men and women it’s incumbent upon them to establish terms, conditions, requirements, and standards for any relationship. It’s completed early in the relationship and BOTH parties must be in agreement. This removes the possibility for misunderstanding and later excuses for a bad relationship. It’s really that simple.

JackSkell0255 · 2018-06-05T17:49:18+00:00

Have to watch definitions. "Girlfriend" means exclusive dating. Dating requires emotional and physical fidelity. To us old people who haven't lost the English language, dating is what you do when you're evaluating a person to marry.

If you are not exclusive, you are not dating, you're spending time with a friend.

There is also opportunity cost. If, as a man, I see a woman who allows herself to be used as a "placeholder" girlfriend, I may make suppositions (to be confirmed, or not, later) about her self-esteem, her ambition, and her fear of being / living alone. I am also not going to approach her to ask her on a date of our own, because "involved".

Why waste the time and capital on a dating relationship going nowhere, particularly one that is FOUNDED on going nowhere?

Be friends, that's ok, just don't "date".

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-06-06T01:23:20+00:00

It's possible that a man could see a future with a woman and want to build something special together. It's possible that the same man could simply not want to anymore at a later point.

This scenario does not mean that the man only viewed her as a placeholder girlfriend. It just means he doesn't view her as more than a placeholder girlfriend anymore.

Ok_Philosopher · 2018-06-08T02:42:20+00:00

Just the very idea of a placeholder indicates that she's subpar: the guy's waiting until something (most likely someone) better comes along. If it's something--like moving out of the state--then being a placeholder is understandable. If everyone's okay with the upfront terms and conditions of this being a temporary fling, so be it.

But being a time pass until his Ms. Right comes along? Hell no. As people have said, time is a woman's currency. Thankfully I think it's pretty easy to discern if you're being treated as a placeholder, and it's to ask yourself this: "Am I hoping things will be different this time around/in the future?" If so... abort, abort, abort. If you're waiting for him to treat you better, show more interest, get over his ex, whatever, then get the hell out.

rutabaga23 · 2018-06-22T01:10:31+00:00

I'm a married man. I have learned from every relationship I've had and I hope the girl did too. Obviously those relationships were temporary. I liked having someone in my life and if marriage were the only goal that would not have been possible.

Kiddingyoself · 2018-06-06T03:21:14+00:00

On a somewhat related note, I'm starting to judge people who use women who are under 27 yo. Of course, everyone is responsible for themselves. Some women are convinced that they don't want to have families. However, we all know they usually wake up one day with regrets. Who wants to be party to these mistakes?

I don't encourage "using" anyone, but in reality, there always will be women who offer themselves up as play things, and those who will be glad to take them up on it. At least women who are "post wall" have fewer windows open to them, and they're not children.

Title	Placeholder Girlfriend
Author	BajaBlast90
Upvotes	7
Comments	17
Date	June 5, 2018 12:55 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8omm3m/placeholder_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/placeholder-girlfriend.74795 https://theredarchive.com/post/74795

Comments