Maybe somebody needs to read this - I know I could draw strength from posts like this one.

Until not long ago, I was in a 8 year relationship with a LVM.

I am ashamed to admit I knew it was doomed to fail for more than a year.

Specially after I've found FDS, the red flags were GLARING, they were EVERYWHERE. I could not ignore them anymore. I depended on him financially while I was pursuing my degree. But I wasn't just financially dependent on him, I was also very emotionally dependent. That was the problem: I made him my whole life. He was my first love.

For so long, I was split. I kept convincing myself it was not that bad, that I had to hold on. That he would change eventually, he was just "immature" (even though we were the same age). That there would be something I would say or do, and he would understand me, and he would change. I put all of the responsibility to make the relationship work on myself. Meanwhile, he would neglect and disrespect me and my boundaries. He would say all kinds of misogynistic bullshit.

Breaking up was one of the hardest things I did. We both suffered a lot, I moved back into my parents house. I felt like a failure.

Since then, a few months have passed, and simply put, my life is SO much better.

My anxiety levels are down, I no longer feel crazy, angry, resentful. I am slowly getting back to be that girl I knew. But now I am a woman. More importantly, I got a job that is all I could ask for, and now I can support myself, move to my own place in another city and start again. I am working out again, trying new hobbies, and cultivating relationships with my friends and family.

I guess what I want to say is, if you are now where I was, do it.

If you feel in your GUT this ain't it, please let it go as soon as you can. Listen to your intuition and don't settle. Organize yourself financially, talk to your friends and family, get support and leave. Even though you can't see your future now: "your task is not to foresee your future, but to enable it".

Think about the future, but not the future that you have in your head "when he changes", but the REAL future. How things will be if you stay and he stays just like he is (or worse). Because he isn't changing. If his priorities are not including you, or if he expects you to just be the secondary role in his life instead of his equal partner. If his opinions have become more and more against everything you are and believe. You can't compromise, it will always be one-sided. So please, just free yourself and go make your life happen. Don't let life "just happen" to you while you watch. The best thing we can do to ourselves as women is to be active in our choices and decisions, instead of letting others pick our future for us. Chances are they don't have our best interests in mind, they are just going to make us do what works best for THEM.

The LVM will be in your inbox, trying to convince you (and himself) he will change. Resist that, even if it is to explain how he is wrong, or get closure. Let him go.

It is so worth it.