19M. Extremely insecure.

WonderingFairy · 2021-05-16T13:48:15+00:00

Don’t feel pressured to lose your virginity. Stop connecting your self worth with women. Your worth as a men has nothing to do with how many women you can attract. You are more than a body made up of meat and bones. Focus on things that make you happy. If a girl rejects you for your height be thankful because you don’t want someone shallow. My guy is 5’7 and I’m happy. Throw those insecurities away and improve what bothers you if it’s possible and have fun.

xvszero · 2021-05-16T15:38:30+00:00

There is no such thing as an objective truth of looks, despite what red pill wants you to think. There are some looks that more people like than others of course, but in the broad picture all kinds of people like all kinds of looks. And some people aren't overly concerned with looks at all, they value other things in partners more.

As for meeting people, I sucked at that too, pretty much everyone I ever met was through the Internet.

yulemguysmmoja · 2021-05-16T12:50:27+00:00

Embrace your insecurities and as soon as you can share them too. .

FrostyBlades · 2021-05-16T13:03:55+00:00

I used to see things like you. I'm 23 right now, i did military service for 6 months, and in that time they always find something for you to do. I've realised that i was a lot happier and confident when I go out there and keep myself busy. Wierdly enough, when youre busy with stuff you dont think anything you just focus and its good for the soul of a man. This reflects as energy to outside and people seem to drawn to you. Give it a try. Find some work/hobbies that you enjoy and try to get lost in them.

Comfortable_Intern57 · 2021-05-16T13:36:22+00:00

I know you have tried everything for the acne, but have you tried giving up dairy or going vegan? The mammalian hormones in meat and dairy, especially in dairy have been known to trigger acne. It may not be a total cure, but I've seen it help others. There's a guy on YouTube he almost completely cured his really bad acne by going vegan. He's also a body Builder. His name his Brian Turner, check him out, he has a lot of helpful information about acne.

Jamonde · 2021-05-16T19:04:47+00:00

OP, I’m 5”8 and have struggled with some of these things for a while.

Putting yourself out there will get easier as pandemic restrictions ease up, but that’s just it - it will require you to go out and do things and meet other people and take risks. It will have to be uncomfortable for you to make more genuine connections. You will have to look around at clubs and intramural teams and fraternities and whatnot. It’s also not going to happen overnight neither.

It’s easy to let jealousy build up, and it takes months and months of personal work to move on from these attitudes. Please don’t give up, and continue to come to subs like this one and see how other users talk to one another. You’re in this for the long haul, but the reward is a life you can be proud of.

BigFunnyBigMoney · 2021-05-16T18:05:16+00:00

I feel you buddy. I’m 5’6 with a big ass nose and was bullied growing up for being a huge nerd.

I’ll tell you what though, your potential is much higher than you believe it to be. These things will make aspects of your life more difficult (like dating) and I’m not going to lie and tell you otherwise, but it’s not the be-all end-all. You just need to leverage whatever you can to obtain the things you want.

Focus on accepting your flaws and loving yourself for being you, but maintain a pragmatic approach to improving yourself in whatever way you need to.

Example: dress better, keep going to the gym, see a dermatologist, work on your game (consider getting a coach if you’re really not great with it), do nice things for yourself you like to do.

You’re 19 man. The world is your oyster. Network the fuck out of college, build skills that will help you get employment or make money when you graduate, learn how to get laid whenever you want so you don’t have to worry about pussy. Try some hobbies and pick one you like, use it to meet people if you want.

Just figure out whatever it is that speaks to you personally and set a plan in motion to get there.

This defeatism - I understand and empathize with you because I’ve been there too - but it will not serve you. This post won’t make your acne go away and no amount of comparison or complaint will improve your situation at all.

Good luck man. It gets better but only if you work for it.

MussolinisTortellini · 2021-05-16T23:39:05+00:00

life is only a losing battle if you let yourself lose.

you can be winning single second of every day if you just decide to. the moment you realize your suffering is only suffering if you make it so, you’re equipped to make the changes you wanna see.

compersious · 2021-05-17T07:16:59+00:00

So whilst I was never redpill, I related to plenty of the thing you are saying.

I used to have ready bad face, neck, back, chest etc acne. I didn't manage to resolve it until 28.

I have a pretty crap jawline. Not very wide and and chin is also pretty shit, goes backwards away from my face. Also loosing my hair pretty full on. So I can relate quite well to all of those things.

Lost my virginity at 21.

Also used to feel I just had very little idea if I was attractive at all, very ugly etc. And I felt "if only I knew, at least I could just give up on being attractive and move on, or accept I am okay looking".

So first the practical advise. You might have already done this.

Acne

I resolved my acne at 28 using Isotretinoin. I am the sort who will download and read scientific studies before making decisions of this sort. Isotretinoin has an 85% success rate in the first round of treatment and a 90% rate is a second round is taken. You take it for about 6 months and in that time your lips will crack like hell and bleed and you will need to use moisturiser every day.

But at 28 I went from full on acne to just annihilating it. Since then in 7 years I have had hardly any spots at all, and no cists what so ever. It's not technically quite a cure, but to all intense and purposes, its a cure!

It's proscribed by a dermatologist and is proper medicine, not anything un-demonstrated, alternative or last desperate attempt.

So, 1, you can likely just get rid of your acne. If you have used Isotretinoin and it didn't work, try again. If you have already tried again try a third. If three times then you might be shit out of luck on that point

Height

You are about average (assuming you are in most western countries) male height.

In the UK for example average male height is 5'9. Average female height is 5'3. Or according to other studies males 5'10 and women 5'4. Either way, you are not short. Again, this is based on decent studies.

There are also studies about what men and women are actually attracted to, on average. Of course some people are attracted to the complete opposite of the normal occasionally. So these are strong rules of thumb, not absolute rules.

Generally women are attracted more to men who are a few inches taller than them. You are about 7 inches taller than the average women. You are just fine.

But even genuinely short guys at say 5'5 are still often attractive to women who are high end of 4 feet or low end of 5 feet.

So this one, it seems to me, to be blunt. Is more in your head.

I am about 5'10. So we are practically the same height.

Jawline

This one is a little trickier. Again as I say, I can relate. Stereotypically my jawline and chin are pretty wack :)

A lot of men and women with a chin like mine have what's called a sliding genioplasty to move their chin forwards. I have not done that. What I have done is grow a beard. I like beards anyway and covers up the only thing I am genuinely insecure about looks wise.

But here is the important takeaway. Before I did that, numerous women who I found attractive, and some of whom were also stereotypically attractive, were attracted to me. By say "Incel logic" I was fucked. But their view of the word just happens to be, well, inaccurate.

The idea looks don't matter is bullshit. But the idea that if you don't have x chin, x jaw, x this or x that then you are unattractive to women, is just straight up bullshit as well.

Cliche of confidence

This next bit is cliche, but it's true. After I sorted the acne, got some slightly better clothes (still cheap, but actually fitted), lost a few stone, covered my rather poor chin :) I felt quite confident at times, though the confidence was a bit unstable. But the change in how many women were attracted to me when I was feeling genuinely confident was extremely noticeable. It really did and has made more of a difference than any of the looks based things alone did.

Largely feeling like I was in control, not my rebellious annoying acne, or rubbish chin etc, that I could change things, adapt etc is where the confidence came from.

Jealousy / Envy

So I didn't struggle with this one. Not really my nature. But I do know it's non productive at best and counter productive or even damaging at worst.

The more angry and resentful you get the less mental energy you have left to use to improve your situation. Anger can also come out in bad ways and scare people off, including potential partners.

Mental healthy

Keep mental healthy in check. Often the psychological impact of feeling these ways, thinking these things, can actually be more of the reason for getting stuck than looks themselves.

Try your best to be considered, objective and focus on solutions more than problems.

You likely can essentially cure your acne.
You are actually average male height (at least in most of the western world) and most women just like a partner 2 - 3 inches taller.
Plenty of attractive women HONESTLY don't give a shit if a guy has a pretty poor jawline (of course some do)
Those super hot 6ft square jawed guys did nothing wrong in looking that way. Ultimately they are irrelevant to what you need to do.
Life isn't fair. People have different starting positions. But that's just reality and you can't control that.
But focus on what you can control. Improve what you can. Looks (but not obsessively), learn, go places where there are other men and women and chatting. Social groups, pubs, book clubs, walking groups, ferret shows, honestly it doesn't matter what.

Don't go to pick up women, just go to be around other people, women included. Get used to the fact they are all just people with there own issues, insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, preferences and so on.

If you feel shy, insecure, if some of it is awkward, so be it. It's okay to trip up a bit. That's not failure, it's just part of learning.

Build some momentum and try and keep it going.

Don't worry about being a virgin at 19. In the UK for instance average for this is about 18.3. These studies are less good and so could be a bit sketchy. But basically, you are not abnormally old to be a virgin. And you still go 2 years to beat me :) (was a virgin until 21)

Don't fall into the trap of thinking sex changes everything. It's great, but the day after you are essentially the same person, even the first time. My insecurities didn't disappear. I still had to do some work.

You are already being proactive with the gym. So obviously you have some motivation. You can use that to get where you need to go.

compersious · 2021-05-17T07:16:59+00:00

So whilst I was never redpill, I related to plenty of the thing you are saying.

I used to have ready bad face, neck, back, chest etc acne. I didn't manage to resolve it until 28.

I have a pretty crap jawline. Not very wide and and chin is also pretty shit, goes backwards away from my face. Also loosing my hair pretty full on. So I can relate quite well to all of those things.

Lost my virginity at 21.

Also used to feel I just had very little idea if I was attractive at all, very ugly etc. And I felt "if only I knew, at least I could just give up on being attractive and move on, or accept I am okay looking".

So first the practical advise. You might have already done this.

Acne

I resolved my acne at 28 using Isotretinoin. I am the sort who will download and read scientific studies before making decisions of this sort. Isotretinoin has an 85% success rate in the first round of treatment and a 90% rate is a second round is taken. You take it for about 6 months and in that time your lips will crack like hell and bleed and you will need to use moisturiser every day.

But at 28 I went from full on acne to just annihilating it. Since then in 7 years I have had hardly any spots at all, and no cists what so ever. It's not technically quite a cure, but to all intense and purposes, its a cure!

It's proscribed by a dermatologist and is proper medicine, not anything un-demonstrated, alternative or last desperate attempt.

So, 1, you can likely just get rid of your acne. If you have used Isotretinoin and it didn't work, try again. If you have already tried again try a third. If three times then you might be shit out of luck on that point

Height

You are about average (assuming you are in most western countries) male height.

In the UK for example average male height is 5'9. Average female height is 5'3. Or according to other studies males 5'10 and women 5'4. Either way, you are not short. Again, this is based on decent studies.

There are also studies about what men and women are actually attracted to, on average. Of course some people are attracted to the complete opposite of the normal occasionally. So these are strong rules of thumb, not absolute rules.

Generally women are attracted more to men who are a few inches taller than them. You are about 7 inches taller than the average women. You are just fine.

But even genuinely short guys at say 5'5 are still often attractive to women who are high end of 4 feet or low end of 5 feet.

So this one, it seems to me, to be blunt. Is more in your head.

I am about 5'10. So we are practically the same height.

Jawline

This one is a little trickier. Again as I say, I can relate. Stereotypically my jawline and chin are pretty wack :)

A lot of men and women with a chin like mine have what's called a sliding genioplasty to move their chin forwards. I have not done that. What I have done is grow a beard. I like beards anyway and covers up the only thing I am genuinely insecure about looks wise.

But here is the important takeaway. Before I did that, numerous women who I found attractive, and some of whom were also stereotypically attractive, were attracted to me. By say "Incel logic" I was fucked. But their view of the word just happens to be, well, inaccurate.

The idea looks don't matter is bullshit. But the idea that if you don't have x chin, x jaw, x this or x that then you are unattractive to women, is just straight up bullshit as well.

Cliche of confidence

This next bit is cliche, but it's true. After I sorted the acne, got some slightly better clothes (still cheap, but actually fitted), lost a few stone, covered my rather poor chin :) I felt quite confident at times, though the confidence was a bit unstable. But the change in how many women were attracted to me when I was feeling genuinely confident was extremely noticeable. It really did and has made more of a difference than any of the looks based things alone did.

Largely feeling like I was in control, not my rebellious annoying acne, or rubbish chin etc, that I could change things, adapt etc is where the confidence came from.

Jealousy / Envy

So I didn't struggle with this one. Not really my nature. But I do know it's non productive at best and counter productive or even damaging at worst.

The more angry and resentful you get the less mental energy you have left to use to improve your situation. Anger can also come out in bad ways and scare people off, including potential partners.

Mental healthy

Keep mental healthy in check. Often the psychological impact of feeling these ways, thinking these things, can actually be more of the reason for getting stuck than looks themselves.

Try your best to be considered, objective and focus on solutions more than problems.

You likely can essentially cure your acne.
You are actually average male height (at least in most of the western world) and most women just like a partner 2 - 3 inches taller.
Plenty of attractive women HONESTLY don't give a shit if a guy has a pretty poor jawline (of course some do)
Those super hot 6ft square jawed guys did nothing wrong in looking that way. Ultimately they are irrelevant to what you need to do.
Life isn't fair. People have different starting positions. But that's just reality and you can't control that.
But focus on what you can control. Improve what you can. Looks (but not obsessively), learn, go places where there are other men and women and chatting. Social groups, pubs, book clubs, walking groups, ferret shows, honestly it doesn't matter what.

Don't go to pick up women, just go to be around other people, women included. Get used to the fact they are all just people with there own issues, insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, preferences and so on.

If you feel shy, insecure, if some of it is awkward, so be it. It's okay to trip up a bit. That's not failure, it's just part of learning.

Build some momentum and try and keep it going.

Don't worry about being a virgin at 19. In the UK for instance average for this is about 18.3. These studies are less good and so could be a bit sketchy. But basically, you are not abnormally old to be a virgin. And you still go 2 years to beat me :) (was a virgin until 21)

Don't fall into the trap of thinking sex changes everything. It's great, but the day after you are essentially the same person, even the first time. My insecurities didn't disappear. I still had to do some work.

You are already being proactive with the gym. So obviously you have some motivation. You can use that to get where you need to go.

PaleontologistNo2785 · 2021-05-20T09:48:48+00:00

Dude im 5'4 and insecure but still gotten laid a bunch. Its not your looks. Take a couple of shots and spam approach a nightclub. Youll get laid and realize how stupid it is anyway.

hotmama-45 · 2021-05-21T01:38:37+00:00

Unfortunately, men listen to other men about what women like and get it all wrong. Women are drawn to confidence and humor...not necessarily money, looks, and height. I'm 5'8 (above average for a woman). I went to see a neuromuscular massage therapist for the first time yesterday. He was a gorgeous, married man who exuded confidence. He was shorter than me?

About your acne...when I was a teenager and in my early 20's, I had SEVERE acne. I finally had the dermatologist put me on Accutane (isotretinoin). Its a controversial drug...but it works. I was on it for 4 months. My face cleared completely up and its never come back in 20 years!! Diet is HUGE for acne. Get off all dairy immediately and clean up your diet.

Life is not unfair. Self pity is one of the biggest demons. Check out these next two guys. It would seem that life dealt them an unfair hand. However, they are successful with gorgeous wives??? This is Nick Vujicic. He was born without arms OR legs but is one of the most positive people in life. I've seen him speak in person. He's married to a gorgeous woman with 4 kids. https://news.amomama.com/221855-nick-vujicic-his-wife-kanae-share-4-kids.html

This is Shane and Hannah. Shane has a degenerative disease that has left him crippled and confined to a wheelchair. Shane is not rich. Hannah his wife is drop dead gorgeous!!! This is their latest Youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjztjOGLtBo.

Last, PLEASE don't focus on the fact that you are a 19 yr old virgin. I know of PLENTY of successful, good looking men that didn't lose their virginities til their late 20's/early 30's.

Title	19M. Extremely insecure.
Author	Equivalent-Run7156
Upvotes	14
Comments	16
Date	May 16, 2021 12:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ndmzfr/19m_extremely_insecure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/19m-extremely-insecure.754982 https://theredarchive.com/post/754982

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